I'm not okay (Ferard) (teacher/Student)

Today we had sex ed. I was really not looking forward to it, everyone is so immature. I tried to pretend I wasn't listening, like I usually do, by sketching Frank again. I didn't exactly know it was Frank, but I haven't been able to sketch much else, just different Franks.
After a few questions he asked, He started a video. After a few minutes I was finally finished with yet another Frank drawing. I looked up to see Frank staring at me. It took him a few minutes to come back to Earth, but when he finally did, he didn't look away like I had expected him to. We held eye contact for a minute, and then he looked away. I don't know what it was, but I felt something in that minute. I know I love Frank, but I think I really love him. This isn't just a crush, I want to be with him forever. I want to share everything with him and I don't think that will go away. I mean, I used to drink everyday, but since I met him I haven't even thought about alcohol. He just makes me happy. But even when I am at my happiness peak the thought of us not being together makes me feel horrible. I try not to think about it, but the thought always comes back. he will never love me because he is perfect and I am nothing. Even if he did, I wouldn't ruin his career, he loves his job, I couldn't risk that being taken away from him. I could feel myself falling, deeper and deeper into this depression. I just want to tell him, I want to tell him everything. Everything that has happened to me, the depression I feel. I want to tell him about my drinking and I want to tell him about how I feel. I want him to hold me and make me feel better, because I know he would. I just want to feel close to him, I want to be with him. I want him to understand. The bell rang right as I was on the point of breaking, thank God Frank held me after class because I don't think I could move right now. I took the few minutes of everyone leaving the class to pull myself together as much as I could. He didn't talk for a while and when he finally did he didn't sound sure in what he was saying, like it was something he just thought up and threw together as an excuse.
"So, uh, I was wondering.. um.. Where are we going to do tutoring today?" he asked
I looked at him skeptically but answered, "Wherever."
"We could do it at my place if you want."
"Okay." I answered.
"Okay."
We stayed like that for a few minutes until finally I said, "Was that all?"
"Yeah, um, do you need me to write you a pass?"
"Uh, no I can make it." I said.
"Okay, I'll see you after school."
"Yeah, See you."
I left and when I got out the door I saw the emptied hallway and almost turned around to get the pass, knowing I wouldn't make it to class on time. however, I decided against it, just deciding to take the tardy.
When I got to the classroom, the teacher still wasn't there yet , so I was able to get in on time. I kept my head down and went to my usual seat in the back, trying to ignore the insults thrown my way as I went, and when I got there the other seat at my table was filled.
I sat down and immediately got my sketch book out, beginning to draw another Frank.
"Hi, I'm Ray Toro." Someone said. I kept my head down, thinking they weren't talking to me, but I felt a tap on my shoulder that said they were. I looked up, wide eyed that anyone was talking to me without insults.
"uh, hi." I said shyly, this Ray had a big, frizzy brown fro, that was his biggest physical trait. "I'm, um, Gerard. Gerard Way."
"It's nice to meet you."
"yeah, It's nice to meet you too. I like your shirt." I said, noticing he was wearing an Iron Maiden top.
"Thanks man, I like other bands too, like the Misfits, Black Flag, Smashing Pumpkins. Just stuff like that."
"I like those bands too." I said, gaining confidence in my voice now. the teacher didn't show up until there was fifteen minutes left in class and Ray and I talked the whole time. I found out that we had a lot in common and he told me that we should hang out sometime.
Before class let out he gave me his number and told me to text him anytime. He also told me to come sit with him at lunch if I felt like it. I thought about it for a second, I'm sure Frank would understand me going to lunch with Ray tomorrow, after all I am making friends.

Notes