You're So Dark

"Well, ditto," was all Gerard managed to blurt out, mentally facepalming himself for being such a non-creative jackass. Mr. Iero obviously realized that it wasn’t his most clever comeback, because he chuckled.

“Heading downstairs?” He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“Yeah, downstairs,” Gerard nodded and took a step. And stumbled because he didn’t realize he stepped into air. This time he didn’t fall, though, because two reasonably strong arms caught him. The rest was a bit of a haze, though. He managed to get up and turn around to face his teacher, meeting him already staring into his eyes. He couldn’t read much but there was a lot in those huge hazel irises. It was like some weird sorrow was mixed with want and Gerard just couldn’t place his finger on it. He blinked twice then and none of that was there anymore, making Gerard question if it was just his fucked-up imagination playing tricks on him.

“So,” Mr. Iero coughed, furrowing his brow. “Downstairs.”

“Mhm,” Gerard nodded before trying his luck walking again.

“Just, be careful this time, please, I’m not skilled enough to catch you around,” Frank joked even though he was kinda dazed and confused and really really hopeful. What he saw when the boy looked at him wasn’t something he saw often. It was panic, it was startle, but it was also something really deep that made him shiver and hope it was actually meant for him.
What if it actually was meant for him? What was he supposed to do then? He thought about that while pacing down the stairs, side by side with Gerard, and it gave him a headache. It felt weird when he realized Gerard saw him in his messy edition, he didn’t know exactly why. Well, he had no idea about anything lately so it didn’t really fucking matter either.

“So, you live here,” Gerard looked around the walls awkwardly.

“Yeah,” Frank smiled. “You’re visiting?”

“Yeah, I’m at Ryan’s,” Gerard said, realizing he didn’t mention the last name but Mr. Iero seemed to understand.

“You’re going home now?” Frank said, just for the sake of creating a casual conversation[which wasn’t casual at all because it was batshit awkward].

“Nah, my brother and Pete are here so the fucker sent me to go down and open the door for them,” Gerard said sounding like an 11 year old who was just asked if he ever masturbated.

“I’d say ‘language’, but I don’t really give a fuck about that,” Frank said, making Gerard crack up. Frank really liked the way Gerard laughed, and that made him question himself again[not that he was doing that every moment of his goddamn life these past few days].

They came to the door where three people were standing, two of them staring at each other in awkward silence, the third smoking leaned against a wall.

He recognized the first one, the ten feet tall fro guy, as his retarded roommate, Ray, the second one, the small, thin boy with fluffy black-and-red hair, as his student, Pete, and the third one, a taller boy with dark blonde messy hair and a few face features suspiciously similar to Gerard’s, as Gerard’s brother.

He was about to put his hand to the doorknob, but when he did, he touched something really cold and soft and he moved his hand away like it was stung by a bee. He glanced sideways at Gerard who was kinda awkwardly staring at his hand and trying to open the door. Frank giggled and gently removed Gerard’s wrist from the doorknob, ignoring the feeling he got from the touch.

“You’re so clumsy,” he said, more as a simple statement than an insult or something.

Gerard sighed, literally wanting to slap himself. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” he smiled at him and opened the door properly.

Ray glared at him. “Fucking finally,” he threw his cigarette butt on the floor and stomped on it. “What the hell was- oh.” He looked at Gerard who was just about to get out and Ray’s eyes flashed with realization. He raised an eyebrow at Frank who just rolled his eyes at him.

“Hi, Mr. Iero,” he heard Pete’s voice.

“Hi, Pete.” Frank waved friendly and the blonde boy rolled his eyes when he saw Gerard coming out of the door.

“Yeah, um, Mikes, this is my teacher, Mr. Iero,” Gerard said awkwardly. Mikey looked at Gerard significantly and Gerard wanted to punch him.

“Mikeyway,” Mikey smiled. Frank returned that.
“Frankiero,” he said and Mikey laughed at that.

“Well, if we’re all gonna go this, I’m Ray Toro, big fan,” Ray said to Gerard first, who looked totally puzzled and then greeted the other two and it was Frank’s turn to roll his eyes again. He snatched Ray’s cigarettes away and lit one.

“Can we like, not freeze and go upstairs?” Gerard said awkwardly and Frank wanted to kiss him because he was thinking the same. Okay, he wanted to kiss him no matter the thing but anyway.

“Yeah,” he lead the way. It was really awkward, Ray was nudging him the whole way up and he was just rolling his eyes and inhaling the cigarette smoke like his life depended on it.

“Bye Mr. Iero,” Pete said before opening Ryan’s apartment door and Ray and Frank waved to all of them, Frank looking at Gerard whose eyes were at the floor. That made him immediately need another drag.

“I’m glad I finally got to meet Juliet,” Ray said when they got to their apartment.

“Juliet? What the fuck are you talking about?” Frank looked at him, feigning obliviousness as he was kicking his sneakers off and throwing the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray in the hall.

“Gerard Way is totally the guy you’re in love with,” Ray grinned and Frank rolled his eyes again.

“Why would you even think that?”

“Because he’s totally your type.”

“And you know what my type is?” Frank made his are-you-fucking-kidding-me face.

“Long black hair, nails painted black, black clothing, skinny jeans, band tees, pretty face? If I were gay, I’d totally tap that,” Ray said and Frank knew he was kinda telling the truth.

“I guess you’re right,” he sighed, “but there’s another thing.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not even his looks I’m into. I mean he is hot, but that’s not the thing.”

“Well, I know that,” Ray smiled encouragingly. “I think he likes you, too.”

*

“Did you see him? What happened?” Ryan said all hyped up when Gerard walked into his living room.

“Yeah, I saw him,” Gerard facepalmed himself for real this time. Idiot, fucktard, fuckface, stupido.

“Saw who?” Mikey said when he and Pete came inside.

“You didn’t tell your brother?” Brendon looked at him questioningly.

“Tell me what?” Mikey looked puzzled, and Pete did too.

“I was scared, okay?! Give me a break,” Gerard sighed, at the verve of tears for being a moron. Mr. Iero probably thought he was a moron, too, Gerard was positive. Who the fuck wouldn’t? And he’d surely connected the dots because Mr. Iero was smart[much unlike Gerard] and he could pick obvious shit up – so he’d probably realized Gerard was completely crazy for him.

“Gerard’s in love with Mr. Iero,” Patrick announced, much to Gerard’s annoyance, who barely held back from saying anything. He knew he would regret saying shit at this point because he was feeling weird and upset and he just wanted to sob.

“In love?” Mikey widened his eyes and Pete copied the action. Those two were like action cats[no pun intended], basically being one person split into two people.

“Can you, just, like, shut up for a moment? I’m trying to process the things that just happened.” Gerard was breaking in cold sweat.

“Do it aloud,” Ryan offered.

Gerard considered it and agreed with himself it was okay so he managed to cough the words out. “Well, he fell over me because I’m clumsy, then I fell again, because I’m fucking clumsy, and he caught me and then it was all super awkward and then he accidentally touched my hand on the doorknob and that made it even more awkward and then the Ray guy told me he’s a big fan of mine whatever that was supposed to mean and I’m so lost,” Gerard rubbed his hands together nervously.

“Well, wow,” was all Ryan managed to say. “I can always talk to Ray, he loves my guts, he’s the one who taught me how to play.”

“Yeah, okay,” Gerard said. “I think I should get home, though. I feel sick.” That wasn’t a lie. He felt really sick.

“Sure,” Ryan nodded sympathetically.

“I’ll drive you home,” Patrick offered. Brendon looked at him like he understood everything and Gerard smiled at him weakly. Pete looked the same way and Gerard nodded at him and Mikey as a goodbye.
Ryan walked them out.

“Have some rest, okay? You seem really upset,” he told Gerard.

“Thanks, Ry,” Gerard genuinely said. “You’re the best.”

“I’ll talk to Ray,” he smiled at him before waving and closing the door. Patrick looked at him with a sad smile.

“You’re really hard to handle sometimes, Way,” he admitted.

“I know, Pat,” Gerard sighed quietly while walking down the stairs. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Patrick patted his back[no pun intended].

“Thanks,” Gerard said quietly.

*

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” Patrick asked for the thirty-seventh time. Gerard rolled his eyes.

“I’m not 6, I’m 18 and a completely functional male adolescent,” Gerard grinned. “Almost completely, okay. And I’m not sure about the male part either…”

Patrick giggled and shook his head. “See you.”

Gerard got out of the car and into his house, seeing his mom was in the living room.

“You’re home early,” she said with confusion in her voice. “Did something happen?” Yeah mom, I met the guy I’m in love with and now I’m all depressed but nothing significant really happened.

“Nah, I just don’t feel well,” Gerard lied.

“Oh my,” she stood up and walked up to him. She felt his forehead with a frown. “You’re a bit warmer than you should be, yeah. Go to bed, I’ll get you some tea.”

“Thanks,” he said and paced to his room, feeling really shitty.

He wanted to replay all the things that happened that afternoon in his head, but he decided against it because it would fuck him up even more. Instead he just changed into his pajama pants and a baggy Iron Maiden tee, fell onto his bed and hid under the covers.
He had a giant headache and his insides felt all funny, half fuzzy half I-wanna-throw-shit-up. He rolled over and forced himself to sleep, the last thing on his mind totally corny and a neverfading cliche - Mr. Iero’s fucking smile.

*

“Mikeyway, truth or dare?” Patrick sighed. He was getting tired of this game, internally cursing over Brendon for initiating it.

“Truth.” Mikey was all timid.

“Do you like Pete?” Patrick dared to ask. Mikey, Pete and Ryan looked like someone slapped them while Brendon was just plainly amused and Mikey finally decided to speak after like 15 seconds of mutual gawking.

“Yeah,” he blushed kinda really bad, “yeah.” Pete now blushed, too, and kinda smiled, and Patrick was all ecstatic over it.

“Wait,” Ryan looked confused. “Is there any straight guy here?” Now he looked amused and that made it okay to admit shit.

“Me,” Patrick said. Then Ryan subtly shot a glance at Brendon who was blushing and Patrick understood everything.

“Oh,” Ryan smirked. “Oh.”

*

“Ray, he doesn’t like me,” Frank shook his head. He decided against letting any hopes shit over his functioning system because then he would get really disappointed. He always knew too much hoping could lead to total depression, as if life had taught him nothing.
Now scratch all that because Frank was one completely hopeful fuck at the moment.

“Yes, he does.” Ray was persistent. “He wouldn’t be so awkward around you if he didn’t.”

“He is awkward,” Frank admitted, “but that doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“But it does,” Ray sighed. “Don’t you know anything about girls?”

“Ha, ha, very funny, Ray,” Frank sighed.

“Cheer up, Romeo,” Ray grinned at him.

“Shut the fuck up, Mercutio,” Frank managed to choke a joke out[hey look that rhymed].

“Who’s that guy?” Ray furrowed his brow.

Frank laughed and shook his head. “It’s Romeo’s wingman.”

“Aw dude,” Ray threw a pillow at him. “Where were the kids going, anyway?”

“Ryan’s place.”

“Oh,” Ray deviously smirked. “Ryan’s place, you say.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Ray was already forging a masterplan. He got up to get himself a beer.

“Get me one,” Frank yelled as if he knew what Ray was up to.

*

“I have to go home,” Pete announced. Mikey got up, too. “I have to go too, then, because Pete’s my ride.”

Patrick looked over at the clock. “Shit, I have to go, too.” He looked significantly at Brendon. He tossed him the Volvo keys. “I’m gonna steal a lift from Pete, you just don’t crash, okay?”

Brendon rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. I’ll bring the car back in the morning. Don’t tell your mom I drove it, she’s gonna kill you.”

“I know,” Patrick rolled his eyes and stood up. “And don’t miss your fucking curfew, your mom won’t let you come over in the morning and then my mom’s gonna complain about the Volvo.”

“Are you done?” Pete yelled from the door.

Patrick sighed, waved and went over there, closing the door shut behind him.

“So,” Ryan said when they were alone. Well, he was kinda feeling really weird because he had a crush on Brendon for like, months and he was just really awkward to do anything about because he didn’t even know if Brendon liked guys. Now he wanted to do something, but first he had to see if he stood like, any chance at all. “You like guys?”

Brendon shrugged a bit. “Yeah.”

“Do you, like, like anyone?” Okay, Ryan was just super-bad at this and Brendon looked like he noticed.

“Yeah, there’s this guy. Liked him for years,” Brendon confessed. Ryan’s face kinda fell and Brendon then realized Ryan was actually kinda interested. And then he plugged his brain in and connected the dots a bit.

“Wanna talk about it? I kinda have a thing for love convos,” Ryan said.

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Brendon smirked.

“So, who’s the guy?” Ryan tried to sound kinda interested but not interested enough to sound interested interested, if you get me.

“You kinda know him,” Brendon smirked again, “not really popular. Good fingers, though.”

“Fingers?” Ryan looked amused. Probably because he didn’t have a lot in mind and this totally seemed like a hint to him.

“Yeah. He’s sort of a musician,” Brendon was revealing more and more. Even though all he wanted was just to go over there and kiss Ryan’s guts out. That sounded so wrong.

“I know him?” Ryan looked a bit confused but yeah, the only musician he knew was, well, himself? Oh. OH. Then he smirked and Brendon was blushing as fuck.

“I really hope you do, because, well, if you don’t, that’s fucked up dude. Because if you don’t know someone you should really know then-” Brendon went into philosophy and Ryan just leaned in and kissed him. And it was awesome. Because kissing your crush is always awesome. Except when they’re dying or something and Ryan really hoped this wasn’t the case.

“I wanted to do that for such a fucking long time,” Ryan said when he moved away.

Brendon grinned at him like he just won the lottery. “You have no idea,” he said before he wrapped his arms around Ryan’s waist and kissed him again.

Notes

Okay, so, Donnie Darko feels + Mad World on replay + rereading Jane Eyre for the billionth time results in this please forgive my ass because yeah I hate me.

Anyway, I hate you all because your comments make me want to write this and that makes me neglect my other fics[I'm not sorry at all I love you guys you're the best].

I GOT ICECREAM PANCAKE FLAVOR I'M SO EXCITED