You're So Dark

"Good news, boys," Mom walked into the kitchen when Mikey and Gerard were sitting at the table, Mikey munching on his cereal, Gerard sipping black coffee with a thoughtful frown on his face.

"Yeah?" Mikey looked up, Gerard not even bothering. He was kind of distracted this morning, bummed even. No need saying what the reason was. Although, yesterday afternoon really cheered him up. After Brendon's guitar lesson with Ryan was over, he brought Ryan at Gerard and Mikey's place where the whole gang was hanging out again. Gerard had so much fun with all of them it was really weird. Probably because the Chicago Gerard thought 'fun' was something to eat.

"Grandma is moving to Belleville," she smirked and Gerard's head shot up. "A few houses down the street, actually."

Gerard's mood went from 'emo catfish' to 'jolly goldfish' in two seconds and he was already grinning widely. Grandma Elena was probably the only person who understood him completely.

"When?" He asked and he saw Mikey smiling, too.

"She'll be here next week," Mom smiled at them. "I have to go to work now. Good luck at school today, boys."

Gerard felt like he could hug the world now, but then he remembered Mr Iero and his goddamn beautiful smile, his tattooed fingers and the fact they'd never touch him the way he wanted them to.

And then, his mood went from 'jolly goldfish' to 'depressed tuna/trout mash-up'.

*

"Gerard, I need to see you after class, I have some good news," Mr Iero said when he assigned the class to do a short summary of some story they were reading.

"Good news?" Gerard raised his eyebrows.

Mr Iero nodded and smiled, one of those genuine smiles that made him look like he was really happy. Gerard wondered if it was actually that way, or it was something like a mask against reality or something. Gerard hoped it wasn't the latter, though.

Instead of doing the assignment, Gerard grabbed a paper at the back of his sketchbook and wrote the date at the top. He sighed quietly before flushing his soul on the paper with the pen ink and a few lines of words which he hoped would never arrive to the hands of anyone other than him. He wrote like that, and almost filled the whole page when the bell rang. He picked his things up and waited for Patrick by his desk, but then some jock just simply decided to shove his shoulder and his things remained scattered around the floor, along with his sketchbook papers.

He groaned loudly but when he was about to pick one paper up, his hand bumped into a tattooed knuckle he recognized immediately. He immediately removed his hand from the paper, tingles spreading through his body, the wounds from chewing down his nails stinging, reminding him the black polish needed renewing. He looked up for just a second and met the gleaming hazel of Mr Iero's eyes, momentarily taking in the amber dots and honey freckles, along with the deep green background, suddenly getting a huge desire to draw them. Patrick coughed and Gerard stumbled up barely, Mr Iero handing him the papers he gathered from the floor. Gerard smiled awkwardly and took the papers, folding them into the sketchbook.

"You wanted to talk to me about something," Gerard mumbled and tucked a hair strand behind his ear, avoiding Mr Iero's eyes again.

"Yes," he said. "I took the liberty to send the second poem you wrote to a competition." He grinned awkwardly and Patrick gawked at him. He nudged Gerard who was gasping a bit, not quite sure what to say or do now. He was clutching his sketchbook against his chest and just staring at Mr Iero's blushing face.

"Well... you won." He smirked and Gerard widened his eyes even more. Patrick squeaked and clapped his hands. "And now we have to go to LA to pick your prize up."

"You are fucking with me," Gerard muttered. He really didn't know what to say. He thought his writing wasn't worth shit and now he won a fucking competition and one part of him was beaming because of the winning thing and the other one was like 'how should I fucking endure a trip to LA with the guy I am fucking crushing on like what the fuck Gerard'.

"Language," Mr Iero raised his eyebrows and Gerard just couldn't suppress a giant eye-roll. "But anyway, you two have more classes to go to, I'll tell you more about the trip later. And you have to ask your parents."

"Yeah, all cool. Bye Mr Iero," Gerard pulled Patrick out of the classroom.

Frank stood there waiting for his next class and sipping on his coffee which got totally cold. He was just staring into space when he noticed another piece of sketchbook paper which flew a bit further down the classroom floor. He walked towards it, picked it up and noticed words written on the other side of the page. He widened his eyes when he read the first line, continuing hastily and furrowing his brow.

*

"I really like Ryan," Brendon preached while staring at Ryan who was sitting with Dallon at the other end of the cafeteria.

"No fucking shit," Gerard groaned. He was feeling both great and freaked out at the same time, but his usual crankiness never faded away. Typical.

"I think I might be in love with him," he said quietly and Gerard looked at him. He looked dead serious, but he wasn't stating anything they already didn't know.

"No fucking shit," Pete repeated Gerard's words.

Mikey appeared at the table soon enough. Pete waved at him and motioned him to sit by his side. He even offered him his popcorn, which made Mikey blush and beam and Gerard to totally grin. Pete obviously liked Mikey but Mikey didn't realize it, and Mikey's crush on Pete was clear to a blind person but Pete didn't register. Gerard rolled his eyes for irony's sake and grabbed his sketchbook. He went over the papers just to find the 'diary' paper he was writing on this morning.

And he didn't find it.

*

"I don't know. I'm not even good at this. Expressing your feelings is easy when you don't have to come totally clean. What are my feelings? I have no fucking clue. I know what I want, though. What do I want? I want him.
I want his hands all over me, I want 'mine' written in his elegant all-italics handwriting on my skin in sharpie ink. I don't even want him to be mine, no. I just want him to make me his.

What would his kisses feel like? His hugs? His strong arms around me, like I was protected from all bad things known and unknown. I'd examine every tattoo, reveal every memory and relive every emotion he ever held, just to learn. Learn everything about him, and make him want to learn everything about me.

Is this love? I have no idea. All I know is that he's all I can think of. Why am I fucking distracted? Because I'm thinking about him. I just... I just want him. Forever.
But yeah, since it's me, Gerard, the Fat Emo Fag Nobody Would Like In That Way, right? Probably. Especially not someone like him.

He isn't perfect. He's a total nerd and he laughs like a fucking girl. But we're somewhat alike. He told me he likes my music taste, and the shit I read, I guess? And he obviously likes horror movies. I bet he likes Donnie Darko, too. Maybe just because of his name. He's totally that kind of guy. So, he's a total dork.

But I think I might be falling in love with him."

Frank wasn't quite sure what he should've thought. But he was pretty sure that was something like falling in love would feel like.

He didn't know who the person in the description was, but it sounded like it was him. I mean, he didn't really believe it was him but it was possible. One small part of him hoped it was him. No, he was in denial.
It was quite a big part.

And he loved Donnie Darko. Probably more than his own life. Or caramel cookies.

Notes

I'm really sorry because it's really shitty. I know it is but I love it so I'll keep it shitty.