You're So Dark

“God, I’m pissed at Linds,” Gerard sighs, “and I don’t want to be. You know I don’t. Shit, I-”

At that moment they hear something, and it’s coming from Gerard. The tune is familiar, but…

“Gerard,” Pete swallows a lump, “please tell me that’s not your phone.”

Gerard blushes, wide-eyed, and is about to answer the call when Mikey grabs the phone out of his hand.
Gerard whines, but Mikey flips him off and presses the button glowing green. “Hey, Frank? Yeah, it’s Mikey. Sorry to keep you from corny-talking with my brother, but I felt the need to inform you that the caller ringtone he set for your contact is ‘Contagious’ by Avril Lavigne. Thank you for your time, you may talk to Gerard now,” he deadpans and hands the phone over to Gerard.

He glares at him and brings the phone to his ear, immediately going into another room so he could talk in peace.
“Gerard,” Frank says in a careful tone. “Can you explain something to me?”

Gerard sighs. “Ya.”

“Why is the ringtone for my contact Avril Lavigne?”

Gerard rolls his eyes. “Have you even heard the song?”

“No,” Frank admits.

“Then shut up.”

“But I’d like to know how it goes.”

This time, Gerard sighs and rolls his eyes. “Some gibberish, then ‘They all say that you’re no good for me but I’m too close to turn around. I’ll show them they don’t know anything, I think I’ve got you figured out. So I walk out in silence, that’s when I start to realize what you bring to my life. Damn this guy can make me smile’, yatta yatta chorus, then it’s like ‘I’ll give you everything, I'll treat you right, if you just give me a chance, I can prove I’m right’, yatta yatta chorus.”
Frank is silent for a moment. “If you were next to me right now, I’d kiss you and hug you so tight you’d fucking suffocate.”

Gerard grins. “I can arrange that, you know.”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask you something by the way. I didn’t call you for an Avril Lavigne lyrics information, you know.” Gerard can literally hear the shit eating grin he’s currently wearing. “I miss you, kind of, just a tiny bit,” Gerard smiles at that, “and I’d like to see you.”

“Uh, okay. Pete, Mikey and Brendon are here, we were about to go to Patrick’s, like, now, but I can bail. I’m not really great company right now. Mom’s at work, so you can come over.”

Frank sighs. “If you’re not in the mood for company…”
Gerard rolls his eyes. “I’m not in the mood for company where I have to be talkative and funny and non-depressive and stupid. I’m in the mood for company which provides me a hug and someone who will listen to me say whatever the fuck that’s on my mind without having to worry about being the buzzkill. I love them to death and you know that, and they’re always there to comfort me. But I want you, no matter how fucking selfish that sounds.”

Frank is silent for a couple of seconds. “I’ll be there in five minutes,” he says softly.

“Okay,” Gerard smiles. “See ya.”

Gerard goes back to Mikey’s room, just to see the guys putting their shoes on. “Mikes, I-“

“Uh, I know you’re in a bad mood, so I won’t make you tag along,” Mikey says and Pete smiles.

Gerard sighs. “Thanks guys.”

Mikey nods, grabbing Pete’s hand and pulling him out.

“I’m sorry, Bren, I-“

“Gee,” Brendon tugs him in a hug. “It’s fine. I hope you invited Frank over, though. I think he’s the only one who can help with bad days.”

Gerard tightens his grip on Brendon’s neck. “You know me so fucking well.”

“That’s because you’re my best friend. And I’d give everything for you and the guys.”

“This is getting so sappy,” Gerard giggles, “but yeah. I know.”

“Have fun,” Brendon smirks and winks before kissing Gerard’s cheek. “And don’t forget- condoms.”

Gerard glares at him, but smiles and follows him downstairs, shutting the front door behind the three of them and making a beeline towards the holy basement. Just as he’s about to plop onto the bed, a voice he knows oh-so-well calls his name.

“Downstairs!” Gerard yells, stuffing his head into his pillow. His door soon creeks its famous creak and a figure slumps itself next to him on the bed.

“Baby?” Frank’s voice is soothing and calming and Gerard just curls into his side and breathes into his neck. “You can talk about it if you want.”

Gerard just nuzzles further into him and kisses his neck. “Cuddling- now, talking- later.”

*

“Iero’s going to kill you, Gee,” Hayley sighs when they exit the Lit classroom, “you haven’t written anything in a week. And I know your poem we had assigned for today is in the Science classroom trash can.”
Gerard groans, “I know, I know. But I just can’t make myself do it. And when I do sit down and write, it all sucks. It’s either too corny or too serious or too fucking pathetic- and I just can’t. He’ll just have to take it, I don’t know… fuck.”

Hayley pats his back before running off to her Spanish class, “It’ll be okay. Tell Pat to text me fifth period.”

And with that and a kiss on Gerard’s cheek, she’s gone. And so are his hopes and dreams as he waits for Patrick to pick his things up and head to Trig with him.

*
"Gerard. But do you reckon that if he’s only twenty-five, I might have a theoretical chance with him like, two years from now," Lindsey shrieks and Gerard inhales sharply, trying not to say anything. They’re currently all at Ryan’s and Brendon is shooting Gerard a look that probably either says ‘don’t you dare snap’ or ‘I have to go to the bathroom’, but he is far too furious to care.
It’s not like he hates Lindsey or anything, he adores her actually and it’s really not her fault- having a crush on someone isn’t optional and nobody knows that better than him. He doesn’t even know why the hell he’s fuming, he doesn’t really have a reason to since he knows Frank’s all his, but there’s still that [metaphorical] worm inside his ass giving him a hard time sleeping at night.

“It’s really shit you haven’t got Lit and Creative writing classes with us,” Hayley makes an ‘oh, what a shame’ face and bites her lip. Patrick’s head in her lap copies it; not because of Lindsey, though, but because of Gerard who’s slowly and visibly losing his shit.

“Yeah… well, I think it’s better off that way, anyway,” Lindsey tilts her head at the side. Mikey looks scared because he’s kind of psychic and he has a feeling that the next thing Lindsey will say won’t make Gerard very happy. “I’d probably just spend way too much time staring at his ass and picturing him naked.”
Gerard’s eyes widen at that and he bites his lip so forcefully he can feel blood oozing inside his mouth. Ryan notices it, and looks at Mikey, and Mikey looks at Pete who just sighs.

“Gee, what’s wrong? Oh, come on, I know you aren’t grossed out by all my ranting. It’s not like you don’t enjoy occasional dick,” she kisses his cheek and he’d usually find it really endearing because Lindsey is a really cute person, but now… he’s fucking pissed.
“I, uh-“

“And besides, I promise you, if we ever get married, I’ll name our first kid after you.”
Brendon gasps at that and Patrick narrows his eyes as if to say ‘oh shit I think this is that one thing’ and everyone’s eyes are on Gerard who visibly tenses and bawls his eyes out even more. His entire head is flooding with pictures of Frank and Lindsey getting married and having sex and kissing and cuddling and tucking their kid into bed and at one moment something in his skull snaps and he loses his shit.

“Oh, fuck,” Mikey freezes when he sees the look Gerard is giving Lindsey. He looks as if he’s gonna’ murder her at the spot.

“What did you just say?” Gerard snaps, he just can’t hold it. There’s a part of him wanting to tear her to shreds, but there’s another one which is currently screaming at him to realize that ‘it’s Lindsey for god’s sakes’.
I don’t think it’s necessary to verbalize which part of him wins.

“No children. No marriage. No. Not with Frank, shit, no-“

Lindsey looks very confused, “Why do you call him Frank, dude? And why not, though? I believe a girl can fantasize, don’t rain on my parade.”

Gerard knows he should shut his mouth. He knows he has to stop talking now or he might lose his friend, his boyfriend, and his dignity if this goes bad. And it probably will. “Because he’s mine, okay? He’s mine. He kisses me, he holds me, and he likes me, okay? Not anyone else, please, no-“

Lindsey’s now shocked. Frightened, too, because Gerard is shrieking at her at high power and speed but hell if that will make him stop. Because he’s an asshole.
“Are you saying you’re actually with him? Like, for real?”

Gerard is about to say something when Mikey comes up from behind him and puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder. He looks at Brendon, then at Patrick, and they both nod, ignoring Lindsey and Hayley’s stunned faces as Mikey leads Gerard out of the room, then out of the apartment, too. Ryan’s dad gives them a funny look while they’re exiting, but Gerard is too bezzazled to give a fuck and Mikey really doesn’t have the time or the will to think about that now as he sits Gerard down on the tiles in the hallway.

“Gee,” he puts his hands on Gerard’s cheeks, which are much paler than usual and look like he’s just witnessed manslaughter by chimpanzees. “Look at me. Breathe. I’ll go see if Frank’s home, okay? Stay here and breathe.”

Gerard nods and does as he told him, while Mikey’s running up the stairs and then ringing Frank’s doorbell frantically.

“Hold on, dude, I’m coming!” His voice is heard from the inside as he’s unlocking the door and Mikey just about finds time to roll his eyes before it opens. “Mikey! What’s up?” Frank’s face is confused but kind of happy, like he’s dumbfounded why Mikey’s here but still glad to see him.

“Something really bad happened,” Mikey pants.

Frank’s face goes pale. “Is Gerard okay?”

Mikey grimaces. “Physically, yeah. But I think he needs you. He’s done something he shouldn’t have. But it’s not his fault, I swear-“

Frank cuts him off, “Is he here?”

“Bottom stair.”

Frank pushes past him, literally, and sprints downstairs. Mikey can’t help but to smile a little at that, it’s nice to know Frank cares this much.Gerard is an idiot, a reckless, stupid idiot at that, but he’s still his big brother.
He follows slowly and sees Frank taking Gerard’s hand in his and pulling him upstairs.

“I’m gonna’… yeah. See ya,” Mikey smiles at how his brother is clinging to Frank for dear life, and he waves as Mikey is closing the door behind him.

Shit, he really hopes this will go well. For Gerard’s sake.

*

“Gerard,” Frank says lowly, rubbing his back, “are you okay?”

Frank’s bed is comfy when you’re feeling completely hopeless and doomed for life.

“No,” Gerard whines. He buries his face in his hands and Frank places his hand on his knee, careful- he has no idea what’s been going on with Gerard for the past couple of weeks.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird lately and I’m really worried.”

“Lindsey’s crushing on you,” Gerard says honestly, with a croaked voice, “and she’s been ranting about you two having children and getting married for a long time now. And I was okay with it, at first. It kind of amused me, I don’t know. But today… I snapped. I yelled at her and I told her about us. And Hayley was there too, so now she knows as well. I’m so sorry and I- everything sucks and I can’t write and I can’t think and disturbing shit has been crossing my mind lately and please hug me and don’t hate me.”
Frank swallows, processing the information. They’re probably fucked. But Gerard is almost crying, so he reschedules thinking about that for later and wraps his arms around him. “It’s okay, we’ll figure something out. I swear.”

“But that’s not all, and that’s not the only reason I can’t write and focus and everything and-”

“Then what is it?” Frank says softly and rubs Gerard’s back, trying to calm him down enough to stop being hysterical and talk normally.

“It’s just that…” Gerard trails off, trying to form a normal explanation in his head. Then he
remembers, “I sit down to write a poem, and the only thing in my head is you- and I don’t understand why you’re the worst thing that ever happened to my poetry, if you’re the best that ever happened to me.”
Frank’s heart skips a beat. He fucking loves this kid. He fucking loves him so fucking much that it’s ruining him. “Did you just quote Sarah Kay?”

Gerard turns around and faces him, “Yeah.”
“God, I love you,” Frank blurts his obnoxiously loud thoughts out. Then freezes, because he realizes what he’s just said.
Gerard’s face looks confused for a second, but then a big, genuine smile spreads across it. “You do?”

Frank bites his lip. “Yeah.”

Gerard giggles and jumps on him, yanking his head into Frank’s chest and curling his fingers into his hoodie fabric. Fucking their lives up can wait. He’s in love.
“Uh, you’re supposed to tell me if you love me, too, now, just so I know what level we’re currently on.”
Gerard rolls his eyes and envelops his face in his hands. “Of course I do, you fucking idiot. I love you so, so much.”

And then he kisses him, and Gerard isn’t afraid of being corny anymore, not really.

Notes

I should update more frequently. But I just... don't. Like everything else I do. Well, not do, more like don't. Fuck my life.

Anyway, sorry if the formatting is weird at places, and I hope the chapter isn't too shitty. I'm gonna' go throw up my insides now because I'm sick as fuck. Again.
Toodlzies.