Under Pressure

When we arrived at the venue Mikey and our manager went straight into the venue through the backdoor whilst Ray and Gee stayed put.

"Guys...lets go...we'll be late..." I said nervously. Ray climed out the car but Gerard still didnt budge. "Gee...we have to go..." I reminded him.

"No we dont." He said bluntly.

"Gee whats wr-"

"Why isnt there food? Why is it just stomach acid?" He said cuttinge me off and looking me in the eyes.

"Because...i havent eaten.." I replied nervously.

"when did you last eat?" He asked.

"Three...maybe four days ago..."

"Frank!!! You said you would eat every day!!!"

"I got fat."

"You aren't fat!!"

I just looked down and nodded. I didnt agree...i knew that i was fat. It was pretty obvious. I heard Gee sigh beside me and get out the car. I waited until he had gone to the venue before i got out. I decided to get a few things from the closest shop and then arrive at the venue. Everyone was busy doing their own thing so i took my bag to the toilet and locked the door. It was a nice venue...i was in my dressing rooms on suite. I removed the items from the bag praying i didnt smash anything on my rush to get back here. One by one the bottles came out. Vodka, Beer, Cider and everything i could find that would get me COMPLETLEY drunk. I wanted to forget the talk with Gee, forget everything and throw up again when i begin to sober. On the way back from the store i had a bag of crisps and a full pot of pasta. 250 grams of it. I couldnt let that make me even more fat.

I knew it was a stupid idea to drink so much...but i had too...i managed to unscrew the vodka cap and down the full bottle in under five minutes, that alchol burning your throat sensation making me crave more. I kept drinking and drinking until i realised there was no more alchol...i had spent over £100 on alchol! And i had drunk it all?! I started to panic. I was sure to get alchol poisoning but i should have passed out by now if i had drunk that much! Then i realised i had left one bag under my dressing table for after the show. So i hadnt drunk shitloads but it was a hell of a lot. As i rifled through my bag i remebered that i had bought gee an art set...i looked at it and decided, in my drunk state, i should give it to him. So i stood up and wobbled a bit but managed to open the door. The world was tilting left and right and i felt so dizzy but at the same time i felt it was a matter of life and death to get this to him. Then i saw the sharpener. Brand new. A very sharp blade...

I couldnt get much more messed up at this point even if i tried. Everyone says tryings a good thing...I reached into my bag again and pulled out a small cardboard box. The small pack of razor blades. They looked so fucking tempting...i gave in to my temptaitions. I emptied the contents of the packet out onto the toilet seat and picked one up. Admiring it for a second as it glistened in the light. Then i brought the blade to my skin and begun to drag it across. One cut, two cut, three cut, four but i promised gee i wouldnt do anymore.

"FRANK!?" Gee practically screamed at me.

Shit. I forgot to lock the door. I was too drunk to really care though. So i dragged the blade across my left wrist again. Gee leapt foward and ripped the blade out of my hand. My silver friend...that cold metal no longer in my touch. We both looked at my arm for a second as the crimson red liquid began to flow freely from my arm. It was bad. It wasnt my normal cut.The blood was gushing out of it like a waterfall. Normally it would just be a few beads of that beautiful liquid dotting across the top of my cut. I didnt have to look at Gee to know he was panicking. He always worries in these situations but he has no medical skill. The only people that would know what to do would be Ray or Mikey. Probably Mikey more than Ray but i dont want anyone else knowing about my problems.

"Fuck frankie...i'm gonna have to get Mikey...you're gonna bleed out..." He said hyperventilating.

"NO!!!" I yelled and lay in his arms looking up at him. "I-i th-think me bleeding it out was the whole p-point..." I whispered, now feeling a ot weaker."

"WHY?!"

"shh...let me go..."

"What..." He said to me. Dreading the answer.

"Let me die baby...God i never realised how beautiful you were..." I reached up and put hand on his cheek wiping the tears away with my thumb.

"Never!" He cried harder then. "I'll never let you go..."

"Stay strong...I love you geebear..." I whispered bearly audiable. He heard.

"I love you too...MIKEY!!!" He screamed for his younger brother. No way would he get here in time. I shut my eyes and fell unconcious. From blood or booze i couldnt tell.

Notes

Okayyy...sorry i didnt update for a while. Even though im only appologising to like, two people...but yeah...i have an issue with this girl in my school and her sister whos 4 years older than me has been threatening me and stuff. Ive got tons of shit going on so i wrote a longer chapter as my way of saying sorry. I wrote a verse about that girl aswell...cause i like songwriting and i doubt anyone will care about it but i felt like showing anyone who wants to read it:

You've finally done it,

You've fucking won,

Are you happy now?

Do you want me gone?

~Ghost Wolf