Come, Angels of Unknown

“This is insane,” I grumbled, holding onto the fabric of Frank’s sleeve as he was dragging me across the sidewalk. Frank’s eyes were clear as he glared at me shortly, but the sky was not and I could feel the rain on my skin before it even bothered to escape from the clouds.

“Shut up, Gerard,” he sighed out. He turned around and looked at me, brow creasing and nostrils flaring in annoyance. He looked agitated enough that I wondered if he’d burst into flames if I threw a spark at him.

“You’re the one being stubborn here, not me. I’m just trying to tell you that there’s no need for you to do this.” I knew it was all in vain, he wasn’t pliable enough and I couldn’t manipulate him like I would manipulate other people. Maybe it was because I was in love with him, but maybe it was just because I’d found a match; someone whose mindset was even harder to leave a dent in than my own.

Instead of saying anything at first, he just grabbed my wrist and disconnected my fingers from the cotton they were holding onto. “You’re not physically strong enough to walk. Your hands are shaking so badly, and your knees must hurt from all the quivering, too. You’re too anxious to think straight- Gerard, you can’t fucking work. And if I don’t do it for you, we’re going to get evicted because we won’t be able to pay rent.”

I let out a shaky breath, acknowledging my defeat and absently fighting off a cramp that captured my elbow from the awkward position.

“Gerard, look at me,” he said softly. His hand left my wrist and touched my chin, slightly pushing it upwards with the tip of his thumb. When all I did was close my eyes, he brought his lips up to my temple and exhaled gently. He smelled like the coffee I’d made for him only half an hour ago mixed with the stale dust my couch reeked of, the scent of the conditioner I’d been using for years hanging in the air between a strand of his hair and my face. “I can’t let that happen. I’ve finally found a home, I’d like to live in it for a while.”

I sighed, but relaxed, as if the surrender didn’t even matter anymore if it meant that I’d get to see him content. I felt calm all of a sudden- it felt like he was my switch and all I needed to do was move it in the right direction.

I moved my head up, catching him by surprise and kissing him lightly. He didn’t seem like turmoil anymore, I could feel the shards underneath my skin but it wasn’t burning as unpleasantly as it usually would. “Katie will be very surprised.”

He chuckled, taking my hand in his. “She will indeed.”

*

The record store hadn’t changed a single bit.

I didn’t know if I was disturbed or calmed by this, but I suppose it didn’t matter, since the safety I felt inside couldn’t be measured with the chills I got from thinking about the time when the place was a part of my daily routine. Everything changed so much, I couldn’t even comprehend, but my hands still felt just as cold as ever when I took the rusty old knob in my hand.

The thing creaked, and the ratty bell rung, followed by a shriek of ‘be right with you!’ from the back of the store. A few moments later, or a little bit more- I didn’t know- a familiar face dressed in way too much black made their way towards us. At first, all I could see on her face was stress but the moment she laid her eyes on me it was replaced by a smile.

Her hug was warm and I could feel the twinge in my chest when I looked at her face afterwards, because I knew as well as she did that the only motherly figure I had in my life at that moment was the one standing in front of me.

“I’ve been so worried about you two,” she mumbled, sincere, and kissed Frank’s cheek as she let go of me. “Frank, you better have an explanation for that text, it kind of fucked me up big time. I thought you were going to say someone died or something.”

And even though I pretended like the remark didn’t bother me, I could still feel Frank tighten his grip on my hand.

“No, I wanted to talk to you about something. Business-wise, I mean.” She furrowed her brow, and Frank took that as a sign to continue. “See, Gerard can’t work, and unfortunately we can’t pay our bills by turning oxygen into carbon dioxide- so I was wondering if I sign up for a job here or something?”

*

“Now that we’ve ensured that we’re not going to starve to death,” said Frank, stuffing his face into the side of my neck, “how about you go have a bath or something? You smell like yesterday’s mac and cheese and unwashed laundry.”

I laughed, sincerely, nudging his head with my shoulder gently. “Fuck you.”

“We could arrange that, if you’d take my advice and go wash yourself.”

The smirk in his voice made my breath stop somewhere inside my throat and get stuck along with the comeback I was about to utter. I picked myself up rather quickly, but my nerves flared up as if his tone of voice gripped them too tightly.

“Maybe you could come with me?” I found myself saying, and his lips were on mine before I could let out the breath I was holding.

His hands were moving across from my chest, and then twisting in my t-shirt, just to settle underneath the hem and make me shiver apprehensively. The pressure his body had on mine was almost too warm to handle and I could slowly feel the knot inside my lower back loosening, as if his touch made the pain go away. The force he used was reflecting in my cheekbones, in my wrists, on my tongue, and all of a sudden I didn’t care about the ache in my joints anymore because his skin felt like the sky on the fourth of July.

I stood up when he did, his hands fumbling with the waistband of my sweatpants, my fingers sliding over to his neck and pressing gently. I stumbled a lot but he caught me by the hips each time, firm, so firm I knew it’d bruise at some point but I didn’t mind. His kisses were everything between rough and gentle, and my mind couldn’t resist comparing it to the oncoming storm rumbling from outside and switching my breathing to automatic.

When the pressure built up and I thought I’d choke, he felt it; moving onto my neck and spilling butterflies all over my throat, before finding a spot and enveloping the patch of skin between his teeth like he was going to worship it before devouring. I whimpered when he bit down but it came out needier, more urgent, and even though this was the second bruise I’d be left with after this encounter I knew that I craved for nothing short of more. His fingers moved quickly and I felt like a mess, but in a good way, as if the storm just crawled into me and was currently seeping out of my pores from overload.

My body was going from reluctant tremolo to sinister content at light speed and I couldn’t comprehend anything but the feeling, the sound, the touch- and it drove me fucking insane.

My blood wasn’t pure but he made me feel like it was, he made it all different and new and challenging, so I didn’t utter a word when he flicked the bathtub tap on and pulled my sweatpants down in a single move. I felt anxious but not because I was exposed- my nerves felt like disintegrating simply because I felt like I wasn’t awkward enough in a moment like this.

He didn’t hesitate, and by that point I’d started to believe that he never would, either- it felt as if his entire person was an impulse sent into my brain just to make me do whatever he pleased. And I was fine with it as long as he was- which was unsettling in a way I enjoyed just a little bit too much.

All the fabric was gone soon enough and all that I felt was warmth, flesh, skin; scarred, defiled in so many ways that it would never recover, but it still felt as if it were the most beautiful thing that ended up in my point of focus.

The steam that rose from the water blurred the mirror, and the water burned almost more than his touches did, and I felt like I was on fire the entire time even though my body temperature was probably lower than everything I was touching.

I wanted to say something, I wanted to break the godly silence because I was so nervous, and it was distracting.

But when I uttered to say something, he just kissed me harshly. “You talk too much.”

Notes

I'm so sorry, this is so shit and practically unfinished but I have to get off my laptop now because I have to get up early tomorrow *sighs in frustration*.
Anyhow, I didn't proofread this and I might rewrite it, because it's really bad and ugh. Sorry. And I hope I'll update sooner this time, but again- no promises because y'all know I'd break them anyway.

xomls