I’m Not O-Fucking-Kay

*Monday morning*


*Gerard’s POV*


As I woke up the first thing that popped into my head was that I was seeing Avril today. I could finally tell her how I felt even though I was shitting a brick over it. I don’t really know how to tell her. Do I just go ‘I like you’? Or is that too cliché? I don’t honestly know. I’ve never done this before.

I decided to go and make a coffee to chill my brain out. Mikey came into the kitchen and took over with the coffee making. That boy is dangerous in the kitchen but he sure knows how to make my taste buds happy with his coffee.

“How you feeling about this Avril situation?” Mikey mentioned.

“Honestly I don’t know… mixed emotion: scared, happy, proud, and nervous.”

“You’ll do fine big bro.” he said patting me on the back.

“Thanks Mikey, you wanna lift to school?”

“Sure” he said with a small smile.


The car journey was peaceful besides the fact nerves were attacking me. Mikey knew I was freaking out so he put of ‘The Smiths: Greatest hits”. Seriously best brother when it came to calming me down.

We pulled into school and I swear I could feel the blood pumping around my body. Every single ounce of it. I think I could honestly cry right now but I have to be a man.

*At lunch*

I was walking towards the art room to grab my art book so I could draw when I got home and I bumped into someone. The one person I have been dying to talk to.

Avril.

“Hi... err Avril can I talk to you in um private?” I muttered.

“Sure thing Gee. Let’s walk up to the field?”

“Sure, I will explain when we get there. I don’t want anyone over hearing”

She nodded and walked with me to the furthest field. The grass was slowly dying due to autumn being around the corner and the leaves covered the dying flowers as their beauty disappeared for a while.

“So I heard you like Audrey Hepburn?” Avril said trying to start conversation. She probably knew what I was going to say.

“Adore her. Any classic actors you like?” I decided to play along for a bit as I was terrified.

“James Dean.”

“I love Rebel without a cause.”

“My all-time favourite of his.” I could see a small smile peeking through her lips.

There was a small bit of silence so I decided to pull out a cigarette and smoke away. Offering Avril one at the same time which she took.

Avril spoke up not long after my first drag, “In a very weird way, you look like James Dean when you smoke.”

I just laughed. But I knew she was being serious.

“You just smoke the same way as him.” She said giggling.

“I would say the same about you smoking like Audrey but you don’t have the long pipe thingy.”

“A cigarette holder? I have one in England.” I nodded to her reply.

I took another drag of my cigarette and spoke “I need to see your cigarette holder one day”

She just smiled and said, “You are James dean”

“If I’m James Dean then you’re Audrey Hepburn” I replied quoting a band I saw on her bedroom wall. Sleeping with Sirens.

She just blushed and well I decided telling her I liked here was a bad way of doing it so I just kissed her. I was surprised she kissed me back really. I guess we lead onto ‘making out’, and honestly was not complaining one bit. Her lips were soft and tasted of lipstick. It was a nice tastes though – not one of those shitty cheap tastes.

We pulled away from the kiss and smiled.

“I think we better go and walk and meet the other guys.” I mentioned.

“Sure and Gerard…?” she questioned.

“Yes?”

“Don’t tell anyone about the kiss… I want to keep it on the low.”

I nodded and walked with her down to the cafeteria.

Notes

i remember i told my old crush i liked him and well i got my sister to do it and i was so nervous that i cried to my mum. basically everyone in my family knew i liked him and i liked this guy for a year and he was also one of my best friends. he turned me down which was no surprise but oh well:D but this was kinda how i would like someone to act to me (minus the cheating part)

Sorry for the cheating in this as well. Just I thought thats what 'Im not Okay' is about. being hurt by someone you love and cheating is a good way to present being hurt.

also quick note: Frank doesnt know about Gerard and Gerard doesnt know about frank. Avril is the only one to know about it so far.