It's practically silent all the way to Gerard's apartment i'm still confused about my earlier dream, plus i don't want to look at him to much in case he thinks i'm "checking him out." "what are you thinking about?" Gerard suddenly asks glancing over at me braking my train of thought,
"umm nothing" i lie realising i cant just turn to him and be like "yeah i was just thinking about you, how beautiful you are and about the fact that i had a dream about you where we almost kissed and now i'm gutted because we didn't kiss and i think i want to kiss you." yeah i don't think i can say that so i just say. "umm nothing"
he glances over at me again knowing that i'm lying "well i just had a weird dream early" i tell him realising i CAN NOT say any more about it as he looks back towards the road. "oh really" he asks. we are nearly as his place now i can tell because i recognise the street.
"what happened in your dream" he asks. oh gosh, what shall i say, i really cant tell him, i start to panic a little as my cheek flush pink, "nothing" i answer quickly obviously looking suspicious.
"don't worry Frankie you don't have to tell me if you don't want to" Gerard says as we pull up out side his apartment. i know he has seen my blushed cheeks i just hope he doesnt know the reason why.
i get out the car and start to walk up to the front door but stopping half way and waiting for Gerard to go inside first, i turn to see him walking up behind me giving me a cheeky toothy smile as he brushes past me. i follow him inside.
"he's in his room" Gerard say as we get inside nodding his head towards mikey's bedroom, i smile back at him before making my way to the door but i'm stopped by Gerard's voice "i'll get us some snack then we can watch films yeah?" Gerard asks "sure" i answer turning to face him again smiling as his lips curl up into that adorable little smirk he does.
i don't think Gerard has many friends because he never seem to go out anyway or have anyone around, plus he always want to hang out with me and mikey but i don't mind. really.
i walk into mikey's room and his face instantly lights up with a smile when i walk in, he's just laid on his bed, with his guitar on his chest as he fiddles with it. i wonder if he's any good.
"hey" i say walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed "hi" he reply's, i look down at the expensive looking guitar "nice" i say nodding my head towards the guitar "thanks" mikey answers.
"play me a song then" i say smiling as he sits up on the bed "if your even any good at playing" i say teasingly. Mikey starts playing a song which i don't think i had heard of but when i listen closer its a blink 182 song, "i love blink 182" i tell mikey half way through the song. but before mikey has even finished there's a knock on the door, it opens before either one of us even say any thing and Gerard is stood holding lot of food in his arms "movie night" he asks with a huge smile across his face.
We both stand up and follow Gerard into the living area and onto the sofa, Gerard puts on a film as we all get conformable, Mikey sits on the other side of the sofa and that's when i realise that Gerard will sit in the middle of us. fuck. more awkwardness but i try not to make it obvious.

I think we had watched about three films when i looked at my watch. fuck. its 11:30pm "shit" i say out loud "its late i should go home" Gerard and mikey look up at me with the same expression and both almost at the same times say "you can stay here" then they look at each other and burst out laughing. i giggle along with them, realising i'm too tired to walk home and its too late for the buses to be running "okay yeah i guess I'll stay" i say leaning back down into the sofa and getting comfortable again. we watch another film and i'm now extremely tired, i'm at the point where your head starts drifting sideways are you "rest your eye."
i try to keep myself awake with the movie but i'm not being to successful.
i close my eyes for a minute and suddenly feel something on my thigh, i soon realise its a hand and quickly open my eyes, i turn to my right to see Gerard smiling at me "tired?" he asks giggling slightly, I'd laugh but why is he touching my leg.
"go to my bedroom" he say tilting his head slightly as he talks to me "sleep in my bed, ill sleep on the sofa" he say "no-" i start but he cuts me off "i'm not even that tired but you two clearly are" i look over his shoulder to see mikey asleep on the other end of the sofa "go on" he say smiling.
I am actually really gratefully and without thinking i lean forward and hug Gerard, wrapping my around over his shoulders and pulling him closer to me, his hand moves from my thigh to my sides as he hugs me back "thanks" i whisper before getting off the sofa and heading for his bedroom.
there are only two rooms and id been in mikeys before so by elimination i found Gerard's room. i enter slowly and flicked the light switch on, i'm shock to see the beauty of the room. its completely covered in art work, wow, id never seen Gerard drawing before i didn't even know he could, it is all so good. i walk over to one of the wall which has a drawing of mikey on it, its excellent looks really realistic, im actually taken back by how good he is.
Then just to make him even more talented i look down on his desk to see a note book filled with writing which looks like song lyrics, i sit down on the chair and start to read through it, i know i shouldn't but i cant help myself, i start reading :

*I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are never ever...
Ever...*

wow. these are really good lyrics, so not only is Gerard absolutely beautiful but also incredibly talented, i giggle to myself quietly before looking over towards the bed. I'm so tired ill ask him about all this is the morning, after i've had some sleep, i do feel bad that Gerard's letting me have his bed though.
i undo my jeans and pull them down and off before reaching for the bottom of my shirt and pulling it up over and off my head. i walk over to the light switch, turn the light off then run towards the bed throwing myself onto it and crawling under the covers. well his bed is extremely comfortable and it even smells like him. wow i'm creepy i think to myself as i start to drift off to sleep.
I start to have a dream:
i'm at Gerard's apartment but i'm in mikey's bedroom playing on the x-box, for some reason mikey's not even there. i stand up and walk out of the room and down the hall way, i soon reach the kitchen where i see Gerard standing but with his back facing me, "Gerard" i ask.
he turns his body around slowly and looks straight down at my crotch. my eyes follow his and i look down my body. fuck. i'm hard. what i'm not even turned on. am i? when i look back upwards im stunned to see Gerard face extremely close to mine, he doesn't say anything but i do feel his hands wrapping there fingers around my hips and pulling me in closer to him. shit, now i am turned on. His haze eyes lock in with mine as he inches his face closer to mine.the sides of our noses are touching and he leaves about half a centimetre gap between our lips when he suddenly speaks "hummm your in my bed Frankie, your basically mine now"
I instantly wake up NOT AGAIN but wait what did he say, gosh my dreams are so fucked up, i look at my watch is 3:00 am "fuck". i whisper to myself i look around at the walls, in the dark all these drawing can look quite creepy.
i get up out of the bed deciding i need a drink and head out the bedroom and towards the kitchen luckily Gerards not stood with his back towards me like in the dreams, i grab and glass and fill it under the running tap, taking a large gulp before hearing a voice from the living room "mikey?"
shit Gerard's awake "umm no it's frank" i say hoping he doesn't come in here. fuck. to late, his body come walking through the kitchen door and he suddenly stops in his steps his eyes widen and his mouth almost hit the floor "what's wro" i start but then i realise i'm basically naked, my face blushes and extreme colour of red.
i run my empty hand over my forehead whilst the other hand lift the glass into the air a little "needed a drink" i say awkwardly as Gerard stands in silent. i watch as his eyes trail down my body i do the same looking down at my chicken legs and suddenly remember my scars, on my arms, stomach, hips and thighs. FUCK Gerard's going to think im completely crazy,
i feel as if im about to cry with embarrassment "i'm just going to go" i whisper.
Taking a few steps towards him as i want to go through the door "wait" i hear his voice i stop close to him "why?" he asks as i look up at his confused but still embarrassed the i realise that he is taking about the scars "because of life" i whisper before trying to walk again.
i feel his strong grip around the top of my arm and i turn around to see what he wants, why does he want to ask me questions about my ugly scars or my past, im about to scream in his face when i feel Gerard's warm partly moist lips pressed against mine.
i am completely confused but i don't fight it, i kiss him back tilting my head upwards slightly and pushing back against his force, he kisses me for what feels like forever but eventually we both need air and i pull away from him, i don't speak i just look confused and flush, tears almost gathering in my eyes, there's an awkward silent but its a good one
"your beautiful you know" Gerard whisper as he looks down at me, id blush but my face is already completely red i don't know how to answer him i'm shocked.
"you have to stop this" he says as i feel his fingertip running down the inside of my arm where its covered in scars "i will" i struggle to get out before he walks back into the living room leaving me there alone.

Notes

Finally. the first kiss
this took sooo long,
the sikn on my hands has been rubbed down to the bone and bleeding
hope you enjoyed this chapter
sorry about any spelling mistakes as always
rate this so far pleasseeee