The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking

Frank-
I hate seeing Mikey like this, Gerard should be kissing his arms not mine. i know Gerard wants to help us both but i really don't think he can. Mikey's even more broken then me and if he can't fix me...
Gerard makes me happy and i'm sure he does mikey too but he cant look after us both, he cant be worrying abut us both all the time. Yesterday was my fault if i wasn't so selfish, if i hadn't wanted Gerard all to myself all day he would have had time to pick mikey up. i distracted him and look what happened.
i wonder if they had never had met me would mikey have made a full recovery by now? yeah he probably would have.

I decide to go home and leave mikey and Gerard at the hospital to have some time alone, i'l just walk home.
when i finally reach my front door i take a deep breath realising my mum will be working over night and ill have to put up with my father for another night.
i walk inside and into the kitchen, i kick my shoes off and put my jacket away before starting to walk up the stairs to my bedroom. i'm stopped in my steps by a voice "frank" i turn my body and timidly start to walk towards the front room. i peak my head around the door frame "dad" i answer
he's sitting on the sofa in silence and as he glances over at me i can clearly see that he's been drinking. he drinks a lot to say he's a "religious man"
his eyes carry a betrayed look in them as he snarls at me
"what?" i ask
"how dare you" he whispers as he looks down at the floor. i'm confused as i've done nothing wrong but i don't speak.
"your a disgrace to this family" he starts his voice starts to raise a little "we are a Christian family frank how dare you betray us"
he looks up at me discussed and i'm still slightly confused. he stands to his feet and starts to walk towards me. i wont lie im scared of my father because he's hit me before but i don't understand what i've done wrong.
he continues "don't you dare act innocent you little shit, i've seen you with that boy" his eyes are blood shot and he has a murderous look on his face "i knew something was going on, is he your boyfriend?" he ask a snarl at the end of the sentence
my face is clearly turning bright red "what do you mean" i blurt out
"what boy?" my words stutter as they leave my mouth.
he starts to shout now as he stumbles closer "i forbid you from seeing that boy ever again"
"you cant do that" i scream out
he reaches his arm forwards and wraps his hand around my throat
"he gave you these, didn't he" he say looking down at the love bites on my neck. i don't answer and he tightens his grip around my throat, choking me.
"listen to me boy, you will never see your little boyfriend again, he is going to hell for what he is. now go to your bed room and pray for the forgiveness for your sins" i can barely breath as he stares down into my eyes, his breath smells of ale and cigarettes.
When he lets go of my neck i quickly run to my bedroom still in shock and slam the door behind me. i hear his voice from down stairs "pray little boy pray" he sounds quite sinister.
he nearly killed me, he actually just nearly killed me, he wanted to i saw it in his eyes. i know i've always been a disappointment to him but wanting to kill me this was a whole other level.

i climb onto my bed and into the corner where the two walls and my bed meet. i sit there bringing my knees up to my face as i quietly starting to sob into them, my arms cuddle my knees tightly as the tears roll down my skin.
i cant tell Gerard, he cant know what my father did, he will be so mad. oh god what do i do? my father will clearly kill me and Gerard if he ever see's us together again.
i sit and ponder through my thoughts all night and i soon become tired, i lay down under the covers crying a few tears ever now and again as i realise i can not be with Gerard any more, maybe my father is right maybe he is going to hell, but if he's going because he's gay that means i'm going as well.
Gerard already has to much to deal with, with mikey and everything, ill just stay out of his way he doesnt need to protect me, if i just stay away from him we will both be safe, i have to stay away from him to prtect him. its my turn to look after him.
i whisper bye into my pillow before ffalling into a deep sleep.

Notes

Another small Paragraph, i'm sorry
i will try to upload another part tonight
i need to revise
sorry about any spelling mistakes as always
rate this so far pleasseeee