The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking

Gerard-
Fuck. Why did i do that? i fucking kissed him. what was i thinking he is probably going to hate me now, but wait he kissed me back.
does that mean he liked it?
did he want me to kiss him?
no probably not, i'm such an idiot. Maybe i should just sleep it off, is frank still in the kitchen? Should i go back in there?
no i'l just leave him not to be rude but i just don't want to increase the awkwardness between us. i'm probably just over thinking. i should just sleep. yes sleep, go to sleep Gerard.

Frank's POV-
i must of been stood in that kitchen for about an hour after Gerard left, i don't know why but i just stood there in my boxers with an almost blank mind. All i could think was "gay," i don't know if i was describing Gerard or myself, i was slightly disappointed in myself. i'm not gay, well i don't think i am.
I dismissed the thoughts and went back to bed but i could not sleep, i laid back in his bed, wrapped myself with his covers and stared around at his bedroom walls. i felt this unknown feeling in the pit of my stomach, it was a mixture of nerves, butterfly's, pleasure and happiness. This feeling seemed to ripped throughout my body every time my mind would wonder over the though of Gerard kissing me. I'd never felt anything like this before and honestly i was scared of this new emotion but i didn't dismiss it i just let it be.
Soon the rays of sunlight were seeping through the blinds on the window, i hadn't slept since i got back to the bedroom and surprising i wasn't even tired. I got out of the bed and started getting dressed, i glance at my watch * 7:49 * it's almost eight, i'm guessing mikey and Gerard wont be up yet so i decide not to leave just yet.
Once again i start searching around Gerard's room, i felt ignorant going through Gerard's things without asking him but i couldn't help myself.I sat down at his desk and started looking through all the drawers, in the bottom one there was what looked like an old note book it had scribbles all over the front of it but it look like it hadn't been touched in years. i started looking through it. song lyrics. i assumed they were Gerard's however his hand writing seemed scruffier and more rushed here like his hand had been shaking when he wrote it. i started reading some lyrics that said:
The amount of pills I'm taking, counteracts the booze I'm drinking
and this vanity I'm breaking, lets me live my life like this

When i read through the lyrics i cant help but wonder if it was actually Gerard who wrote these, taking about drug and alcohol abuse. The emotion behind the lyrics has a sense of a troubled back ground. if these lyrics are true does that mean Gerard was taking pills and drinking? that would explain the handwriting. no he's not the broken one i am. he's the beautiful one.
i look down at the book again, its probably really old it's probably not even Gerard's.
After some more snooping around Gerard's room i look at my watch again * 8:36 * i should probably just leave before they wake up.
I walk out the room down the corridor and out the apartment as quietly as i can as mikey and Gerard are both still asleep. i try not to wake them.

Notes

Aw Gerard's past :'(
next chapter up today
sorry about any spelling mistakes as always
rate this so far pleasseee