It was well after midnight by the time I got home. Time had gone by so fast, yet it felt as if it had dragged on. My mind still couldn’t comprehend everything I had been told. It all felt like something out of a movie.

Gerard had talked with Mikey. It was a long talk, but I think everything that could have possibly been said was spoken. I stayed in Gerard’s room; it was their time to be alone and talk, I didn’t want to interrupt that. It was a whole two hours before I heard the front door shut, and Gerard returned to his room. I could tell he had been crying, not that I blamed him. Keeping the truth about his parents from his little brother all this time must have been torture for him, especially as he had gone through it all alone. I felt sad for him. No wonder he was a mess all the time, being angry with everyone all the time – it had eaten him from the inside.

Gerard and I didn’t speak again that night, so I didn’t know how Mikey was, and I wasn’t going to ask if Gerard didn’t want to talk. Instead, Gerard pulled me onto his lap again and held me. I think he needed that. One arm was draped around my waist, holding me against his chest, while his other hand held mind loosely.

He dropped me back off at the cemetery a few hours later, so I could drive my mom’s car back home. Still, no words were said between us. The rain was still going strong, but neither of us cared. Before I got into my mom’s car, Gerard pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.

“Where the hell have you been?” The sound of my mom’s voice was loud in the living room. She had waited up for me, something I was not looking forward to, mostly because I wasn’t even sure what to say to her. How could I possibly look at her or talk to her like nothing was wrong? I now knew why my parents had acted so strangely seeing Gerard when they were called into school before Christmas.

My mom stared at me while I just looked at her, feeling a little bit angry, “What’s the matter with you?” She asked, probably fed up and wanting to go to bed.

I looked away and shook my head, and went upstairs to bed.

“So you’re definitely coming to Art today, right?” Delilah asked for the billionth time that day… and it was only lunch.

I nodded… for the billionth time that day… “Yes! My answer hasn’t changed since you asked me five minutes ago.” I laughed – or as close to real laugh as I could get. It was another one of those days where I had a lot on my mind, but who could blame me? I sighed to myself, just wishing I could have at least one normal week in my life.

Delilah smiled, happy with my answer, “I’ve heard Mr Way has been really weird today.” I glanced at her without saying anything, “I mean like, other classes he’s had today, they say he’s different. Like, not as horrible. I mean, they say he could be better… but it could be a lot worse.”

I couldn’t really say I was surprised. Having told Mikey and I what was really going on with him has probably released him of so much weight and guilt. If class was going to be different, I wondered how he was going to be with me. He even said himself he only took his anger out on me because of who I was related to.

I nodded, “Huh… sounds interesting.” What more could I say?

I was on my way to my final class of the day – Art. As usual, I felt nervous. I never knew what to expect from Gerard, and today I felt even more nervous, though I don’t think I had any reason to be. Delilah walked beside me talking. I nodded along, but I wasn’t listening to a word she was saying.

The class took their usual seats and waited for ‘Mr Way’. I watched him stroll through the door with papers in his hands and he closed the door – his usual routine before starting a class. Once the door was closed, whoever knocked on the door was a brave person.

I felt my heart race as I continued watching him. He set down his papers and glanced at the class, “Get on with whatever you were doing yesterday.” His voice was bored, as usual, but it wasn’t as hard, which I think everyone noticed because they were a little apprehensive before getting up to collect their work.

Before I got up to get my work, I saw that guy - Evan House from last week – raise his hand once more. He had told me that this was his way to getting out of class, as usually, Mr Way hated it when someone forgot their work.

“What is it Mr House,” Gerard said in the exact same way as last week. Everyone stopped to watch, including me, of course.

Evan sighed, “Sorry, sir… But I left my work in my locker again.”

Gerard looked up from his desk. He looked as if he was about to shout again like he did last time… But something changed. Just before he was about to speak, Gerard glanced at me standing in the corner of the room behind Evan. Our eyes locked for only a second before his attention went back to his student, “Fine,” he sighed, “Go get your stuff and come back here quickly.”

I heard gasps from around the room which Gerard ignored and went back to looking at the work on his desk. As Evan turned to leave I saw the disappointment on his face when he realized he wasn’t skipping this class after all, “Oh, okay… sir.”

After class had finished and everyone was packing their stuff up, I heard Gerard’s voice, “Samantha, I need to speak with you.” Any other time he had asked me to stay behind, it pissed me off, but this time, I was more than happy to stay back.

I stood at Gerard’s desk as everyone else left, Delilah being one of the last to leave, “You shouldn’t have missed all of those classes, girl,” she laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh with her.

Once everyone left, Gerard closed the door again and leaned back on his desk, his hands resting on either side of him, “You can sit.” I sat in his chair, as it was the closest one to me and I waited with my hands in my lap, “How are you?” he asked softly.

“I’m okay,” I answered truthfully. I then asked a question I was itching to ask, “How is Mikey? And you, of course.”

Gerard smiled slightly, “I’m okay, too. Mikey… he’s better than last night.” I only nodded, not really sure on what to say next. I don’t think Gerard really knew, either. But it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, as such.

After a couple of minutes, Gerard spoke again, though he seemed hesitant at first, “Do you… wanna hang out?”

I didn’t know what to say at first. I knew he was going to be different with me, but I never expected that he actually wanted to spend time with me. I thought about it for a while, which didn’t seem to really bother Gerard. A part of me thought that it would probably be best just to have a professional teacher/student relationship with him and nothing more, but the other part of me wanted to hang out with him, too!

I don’t whether he saw it as well, but I felt that with us having a tragic part of our lives in common, it would be impossible not to be friends, at least. Too much had happened between us for there to be nothing from now on. I also felt as if he maybe saw as a sort of comfort to him, to keep him sane and calm… but that would be arrogant of me to think.

Eventually, I smiled, “Sure.” Gerard smiled back – a real, genuine smile that reached his eyes. It took years off his face and his eyes showed he was happy, too.

For the next couple of hours, we had a real conversation for the first time since I started at this school. It was nice, really nice. We talked about a lot of stuff; our childhoods, his family, our likes and dislikes (particularly a little fight over whether Batman or Superman was better).

The conversation got a bit serious at time, with Gerard telling me all about his Grandma Elena and how amazing she was. She was the grandmother that took him and Mikey in after the death of his parents. He told me how wonderful she was and how she really believed he could better himself. It was only after she back in 2004 that he finally forced himself to get the help he needed – and had been clean and sober since then. I felt myself feeling proud of him, for no reason at all.

It felt like we had talked for hours! I had never seen Gerard so happy when talking. His whole face lit up when he spoke about something he was really passionate about like art, or music, or comics. He used his hands a lot when he spoke, which is something I’d never noticed.

I did some talking, too. I told him about growing up in New York and how it was so different to living in Jersey. I tried to keep my parents out of the conversation as possible. I told him about the attacks on September 11th and how the whole city just shut down for a long time. Gerard told me he was there the day it happened, and the conversation eventually died from there.

We finally decided to call it a night and I was shocked to see it was dark outside. Gerard looked at his watch, “Wow, it’s half nine. What the fuck did we even talk about for so long?” He laughed.

I thought about how mad my parents were gonna be for coming home late again, not that it bothered me too much, “I guess I better get going. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Before I turned away, Gerard grabbed my hand, “Oh, Samantha, do you really think I’m gonna let you walk home in the dark by yourself?” He saw the look on my face before adding, “I’m sorry, you don’t like it when I call you Samantha.”

Suddenly, it felt as if I had lost something. As much as I hated my full name, I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like for Gerard to call me anything else but my full name, “That’s okay… I really don’t mind it so much,” I half-lied. He only smiled at me, something I was getting used to, and he pulled me to his car, opening the passenger door for me.

We didn’t say anything on the drive to my house, expect for me giving directions to my house. He made sure to park at the end of the street, so no one would see us together. Even though he had parked, I wasn’t ready to leave, but I knew I had to.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Gerard.” I was about to open the door but he took hold of my hand again.

“Thank you… I don’t know how much longer I could have gone without saying anything to you before it drove me completely insane. I’m glad I have you to talk to.” His thumb stroked my hand as he spoke, “It’s nice to feel somewhat normal again.”

I smiled as I climbed out of the car, Gerard released my hand, “Goodnight, Gerard.”

“Goodnight, Samantha.”

Notes

Apologies for the delay in updates.