The World is Ugly

I woke up several hours later, at 5:30. I could smell pizza. Hell yes, my favorite. I rolled out of bed and went downstairs. Mikey and Gee were sitting at the kitchen table, the food from the gods we call pizza sitting on plates in front of them.
"Hey," Gerard said when he noticed me.
"Hi, ba-- Gee," I replied when I sat down. Mikey would probably go apeshit if he knew we were dating now, he seemed to really be set on getting us together. "Any left for me?"
Mikey got up to get me a plate. "Sorry," I whispered to Gerard once Mikey was out of earshot. "Does he know?"
"He'll freak if he finds out, so no."
"Find out what?" Mikey asked, returning with a plate of pancakes, glass of milk, and utensils.
"Um-- I thought I saw my dad earlier when I went to go get my stuff from my house. Freaked out. I'm pretty sure I just imagined it." Hot damn was I good at lying lately.
"Oh."
We ate the pizza in silence before I went upstairs to take a shower. I let the water wash over me and realized the cut on my face was bleeding. I then thought back to the events of Friday night, and how I told the officer to press charges. I started crying. My thoughts then drifted to Tiffany. The bullying was not as brutal, but I was still constantly threatened and yelled at by my classmates. I was not in control of my emotions at this point. How did I go from just fine to a sobbing mess sitting in the tub in the shower stream?

I didn't know what I was doing. I reached for a shaving razor I had brought from my house and fiddled with it until a razor fell out. I gripped it, my hands shaking, and pressed it to my skin. I slowly dragged it across my wrist. What the hell was I doing? I didn't even know. I pulled the razor away and blood ran from the scar into the water. I remember bringing the razor to my skin again before I was completely out of control of my actions.

When I realized what I was doing, there were 5 bleeding scars on my wrist. They weren't exactly shallow, but not extremely deep. I felt my heart race, realizing exactly what I'd done. I washed off the scars, turned off the shower, and put a towel over them before they could start bleeding again. Oh, god, what did I do? I grabbed the razor and threw it in my duffel bag. Act calm, Rose. Be calm. If you're freaked out, he'll suspect something. Who knows what Gerard will do if he found out? I stood in the middle of the bathroom, water dripping on the floor and puddling around me, and calmed myself. I took the towel off my arm and was very relieved to see it had stopped bleeding. I cleaned off the dried blood and wrapped bandages around it. I did the same to my other arm, but this time to cover my cuts from the glass. I brushed my teeth and left the bathroom to change. Gerard was sitting on the bed, talking to someone on the phone. I grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom to change. I wasn't very comfortable with him seeing me naked. When I went back outside, he was not on the phone, and seemed to be waiting for me. "Who was that?" I asked.
"Officer Johnson. They found your mom. She was a drunken mess." He sighed. "She pleaded guilty."
The feeling in my chest was bittersweet. I wanted something to be done about my mom, but I didn't want her to go to jail. I forced myself to smile.
"I'm still so fucking sorry about what she did to you." I didn't reply, just crawled into bed and held him close. Tomorrow is day six at Belleville High. A beating, attempted murder, fight, makeout, another beating, boyfriend, hallucination of my absent father, and a mother in jail.

Eventful.

Notes