Art Is The Weapon

I never thought my life would end up the way it did. I did pretty well in school, my grades were picture perfect. But for some reason I ended up living in the dump of a flat without a job to support my wife and child. And, just as things couldn’t get any worse, Lindsey had told me to pack up smoking.

“I don’t want Red breathing it in” Lindsey said attempting to tidy up the place. “C’mon Lindsey, why can’t I just smoke outside.” I moaned. She carried on with her chores, polishing the old wooden table in the living room whilst giving me a lecture as she did so. Me smoking never bothered her before and I don’t see why she wouldn’t let me do it outside. But she’s my wife. What she wants I either gotta give or do. “Ok ok I pack it in” I said loudly, holding up my hands as a sign of surrender. I took out a packet of cigarettes from my back pocket and threw them in the bin.

She smiled at me, god I loved it when she smiled like that; the sad part was, it reminded me of someone else. “Thanks G, Mikey called by the way. He said he wanted you and “The guys” to get together this afternoon” She explained. I nodded. It was a month since I had actually seen any of them; especially Frank. All probably doing a lot better than me (job wise). Sometimes I wish I was one of those typical rich guys who hang around in the office all day at least that way I could look like a big shot, something like what Frank did- god he was perfect. I quickly snapped back to reality slapping my forehead to try and rid myself of these stupid thoughts. “Not again” I muttered.

*****

It was 3 o’clock and I was slumped into an armchair in starbucks, waiting for the guys to arrive. In a way I felt nervous, probably because I had no job, I lived in a hole of a flat and a car that can barely make it out of the car park. Mickey and Frank were the first to arrive. Mickey had obviously lost weight, his face looked so thin. Frank however never seemed to change, slightly gothic and unbelievably attractive with his shorts dark hair. I sat there, a large smile quickly forming on my face as my eyes studied this weird looking man; I never was the normal type. “Hey G” Frank said hugging me. I nodded happily at Mickey- he wasn’t ever affectionate towards family members except Red.

“So how’s things been since we last saw ya” Mickey asked, chewing away at the spearmint gum he bought this morning. “Honestly..... Nothing’s changed” I replied. I hated that. They all had something going on in their lives and I was still stuck with the same old stuff. “Well I got promoted” Frank chimed in. We sat there talking about Frank’s new job, unable to take my eyes off him even when Ray walked in with Jackson.

“Hey guys” Ray said. I loved Ray; his life was full of excitement- the complete opposite to mine. One day he would be running from motel managers, the next he would be sleeping on a train that was heading to New York City, not that he had ever come to that yet. “Hi Ray” We replied. Jackson smiled shyly at all of us. Bless, he’d seen us about three times no wonder he was still scared of us. We sat there for a while and talked. We probably sounded like women the way we were gossiping about people but it was like the good old days, just sitting around chatting and bitching about every person we knew.“I’ve got a job interview in a couple of weeks” Ray announced. “That’s great Ray, what’s the job?” I asked. He told us that it was a job working in I.T. Ray was always good with computers, even when he was a kid he always used to be a computer geek. “Sounds fantastic” Mickey said. “If you need anyone to go with you then I could go with you?” Mickey continued. Ray shook his head. “I’m gonna take Jackson, he’s like my good luck charm” He said winking. He put his hand on Jacksons shoulder; he looked pretty sweet standing next to Ray. I bet he didn’t half miss his mom some times.

I checked my watch, 4:36; time passes really quickly at times. “I’ve gotta go, I gotta pick Red up from Nursery” I said grabbing my jacket. As I turned to leave, Mickey called me back. “G, aint Lindsey having her party again this year?” Mickey asked. I sighed, yes she was. I don’t know how we were supposed to afford it; we were already strapped for cash, she had already sold her car just to pay the water bill this month. I smiled. “Yeah we are” I said scratching the back of my head. “You guys are welcome to come if you want” I said. I walked out of the coffee house, clouds began to form over the concrete jungles of Manhattan, it was a bleak times and I knew it more than anyone sat inside the warmth of the coffee house; yet despite everything, I couldn’t get my mind off Frank. He seemed so happy. It’s almost as if he had finally moved on and forgotten all about me. I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I walked through the busy streets of Manhatten.

Perhaps it really was just a kiss after all.

**************

"Raymond Toronto" I told the woman at the desk. She smiled at me sweetly and told me to take a seat. I hated job interviews. Just the thought of sitting front of a stuck up rich kid was enough to stop me going, but I was 28, unemployed and with a 10 year old so I needed this. I must have looked nervous or something because every 5 minutes the receptionist would smile at me. The wait was agonising, I really wished I let Mickey come with me now. The clock seemed to tick much more loudly than clocks usually tick, like it was trying to build up anxiety in my head and I can tell you now it was working. Glancing around at the four corners of the reception, its walls washed with blue and white to try and make it look like it could have some sort of sophistication just made me feel sick. I didn’t belong here, people who passed every so often knew it, and even the woman at the desk knew it. My hands kept fidgeting together, never in my life had I felt so nervous. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I made myself look stupid. "Mr Walsh will see you now Mr. Toronto" a woman said. I looked to the side of me and saw a middle aged ginger woman waiting in the door way. I got up and walked to the office, checking out her appearance as I walked. It was obvious how she got her job, tight skirt and blouse low enough to see her tits, probably how this guy liked his staff.


I entered the office and sat down in the chair of the white washed, crystal clean office. A few diplomas hung up on the walls, a large green pot plant was in the corner of the room and a picture of him on a sun lounger and his wife sitting next to him sat on black metallic desk; a man who was obviously in love with himself. My head was spinning. "Mr Toronto is it?" he asked. I smiled and answered him. He smiled at me; I knew exactly what he was thinking. Some guy walks in here looking like he's just walked out of the tavern and expects me to give him a job? How I hated people. Everything was going well until he asked me the typical interviewing question. "Where do you see yourself in five years time?" he asked me. I shuffled nervously in my seat. "Well I hope to have a better life for me and my nephew?" he suddenly stopped smiling. "Nephew?" he asked his face growing cold. "Yeah Jackson, my sister died so I've been looking after him ever since" I explained. "Oh right I see. Well we need someone who can work any hours you see and you and... Your situation I'm not sure you’re going to be right for the job" he explained.


I sat there dumbfounded at what he said. "Hang on a minute, your refusing to hire me because I have a kid? That's insane!" I said angrily, standing and banging my hands on the table. His face didn't change, I wanted to throw myself over the desk and beat the hell out of him. "It's not just that Mr Toronto; I just don't think this is the type of job for you. I mean your 27, 28? I would expect you to have some sort of career by now" he said laughing ever so slightly.


I curled my hands into fists. How dare he judge me on my personal life! I was on the verge of murdering this guy, poised to launch myself over the desk and attack this officious little prick when Jackson walked in. "Uncle Ray the ticket guy's gonna be here any minuet" Jackson said. I walked over and placed my hands on his shoulders. "You see this kid, he's my life and you’re not hiring me because I might not be able to work on a Saturday? You make me sick" I sneered. He didn't say a word and it was only when he saw the face of Jackson that his expression changed, not into sympathy or hatred but something else; fear maybe? He just stared at Jackson, like he knew him or something. "Oh my......I think you two should leave" he stammered. I spat on his floor and walked with Jackson outside.


"Have you seen that guy before" I asked Jackson later on. He shook his head. It wasn't the fact that he would hire me that got to me anymore. It was the way he looked at Jackson, like he'd seen him before, like he had seen a ghost.

Notes

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