It's Hard to Say I Love You for the First Time (Frerard) *ON HOLD*

I break down outside my house and begin to cry and scream.

What have I done?!

I almost killed Gerard today and now he chased after me and fell. The last thing I saw was his bloody mouth. He probably smacked it on the ground.

"G-G-Gerard.... I'm s-so sorry," I mumble and begin to crawl to the door.

I stumble and fall on the ground and look up t the night sky. I see the stars and it seems like they are making out the word 'Gerard'. I feel more tears come out of my eyes and stroll down my cheeks.

I am a horrible excuse for a person. I don't have feelings, because if I did, I would have helped Gerard when he tripped.

I begin to hiccup and I bite my tongue.

"Ow! God Dammit!" I yell and begin to cry again.

I'm a freaking baby.

I close my eyes and just think of Gerard and how much I hurt him. I should probably just stay away from him.

"Shit." I mumble when I realize that I left my bag in the hospital and I'll have to go back for it tomorrow.

Great. Just when I don't need to see Gerard I have to go back for my school bag.

Oh well.

Life hates me, I guess.

~~~~~Time Laps until Morning~~~~~

I wake up outside my front door and remember what happened last night. I almost killed Gerard. I also almost kisses him.

If Lindsey hadn't walked through the door, we wouldn't be in this stupid freaking situation.

I get up from my front porch and walk inside my house. I go and brush my teeth because I have a horrible taste in my mouth. When I finish I go in my room and look at the time. 5:50.

I can get my messenger bag in 10 minutes.

I grab a black shirt from my drawer and black jeans. I slip on my converse and tie them quickly. I grabbed my black jacket and slid it on.

I get a cup of coffee and brew it. I go and check my phone while I am waiting.

I have 16 missed calls. 7 from an unknown caller and the rest are from Pete.

I check my messages and I have 51.
What? 30 are from the same number and the rest are from Pete. I read Pete's and they are all wondering I I am okay or if Gerard is okay.

I text back that we are both fine.

Now I look at the other messages and they are all saying 'Call Me."

I go and hit the number and it dials.

It picks up after the second ring.

"It's about time." I hear.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"I'm Mikey, Gerard's brother."

"Oh hi. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine, Gerard called and said it wasn't your fault."

"Oh, okay. I have to go in to get my bag anyway. I'm already on my way out the door. I could pick you up if you want. My mom is going to drive me."

"Yeah, if you could." I say and tell him my address and I hear a car horn beep outside. I quickly put my coffee in a cup and put a lid on it. I grab my keys and go outside locking the door and while I am it I take three huge gulps of coffee finishing half of it. When I take the cup away from my lips I realize exactly how cold it is. I walk towards the car finishing my coffee on the way there. When I get to the door Mikey has opened I throw the empty coffee cup into the bushes.

I climb into the car and I am bombarded with questions.

“Oh Hello! You must be Frank! Gerard was talking about you all day yesterday. Are you warm? Do you want the heat on?” A woman who I am assuming is Gerard’s mother sitting in the front seat says.

“I-I’m fine. Thank you though.” I say and she smiles and begins to drive.

“Gerard didn’t stop talking about you all day yesterday,” Mikey whispers. “I think he really likes you. He has never been this way about a boy before.”

It doesn’t make me happy to hear that because I remember what I said yesterday.

“And if you were going to ask me to be your boyfriend, the answer is NO!” That was the last thing I said to him.

I need to make this right. I need to apologize to him. If Gerard were to really ask me to be his boyfriend, I would have said yes in an instant.

I have to fix this.

Now.

Notes

Im listening to "Fake Your Death" and crying my eyes out