Amare aut mori conatur

Frank took his eyes off his apple and gave me an amused look. He seemed as if unmoved by the words I had given him. I broke eye contact and stared at the floor feeling tears begin to well up. You can't let anyone see you cry, you can't let anyone think you''re weak. I bit my lip and tried to appear as callused as possible.
'So?' Frank eventually broke the silence. I looked up into his eyes, I hadn't really thought of what it actually meant; to have called out his name in my sleep. I just put two and two together; my obsession had turned to love. I suppose it didn't mean anything. Hell, I could have been calling out Ray's name and I wouldn't have been fazed. My lack of reply just earned a raised eyebrow from Frank and a giggle. Shit he was hot. Lindsey...
'So are you going to carry on avoiding me again after this?' Frank asked, staring down at the core of the apple that was left from his consumption. I was taken aback by the question, I didn't realise he'd noticed.
'Not avoiding you would be the least I could do after all you've done for me.' I replied coolly. Frank tossed the apple core in the bin and sat up facing me looking straight into my eyes. He held my gaze for a moment before brushing a strand of black hair out of my eyes and beaming at me. I gave him a weak smile in return but inside I just felt confused about my feelings for this man. And for Lindsey. I stood up silently and offered him my hand which he shook.
'Uh, I better get back to my billet Frank. Thanks again for everything.' I said to him as leaving, he nodded his head towards me and collapsed into his own bed. I closed the door to enter the cold darkness of the night. Was it me or did I hear him sigh as I left? I wish he wasn't here, he's going to be the centre of pain for me in the future. I already had a loved one at risk in Mikey. Was I beginning to make a second? I certainly was obsessed with him. Stop, think of Lindsey. I sighed and strode out into the darkness, toying with the metal pressed into my neck.

***

12th of October 1939
I awoke with a start this morning. This is it. The day we're shipped off and sent into war. I packed and finished all the admin for the weeks, months or even years set ahead of me. I made sure to keep this diary in the pocket of my uniform and with the variant of the Lee Enfield slung over my back, we all entered the ship that would carry us safely to France. I sat in-between Mikey and Frank with Billie opposite me grinning at Frank and I. What did Billie know about Frank that I didn't. As I write this I am off the ship in France and I won't write down many details of the journey. Not much happened in my way although I suppose Frank and I talked a little more, we seemed to connect with each other. Mikey and Ray seemed to be discussing over a photo of Rays during the journey. With little else to report on again this could well be my last entry with the threat of death.

Notes

Sorry it's short :/
Next chapter will have a time lapse to actual fighting and stuff so the story can progress.
Comment/rate/subscribe if you want to but yeh thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.