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Married In My Mind

You Don't Get A Prize For Being An Asshole, Sorry

“I’m so fucking sorry you have to see me like this.” I sobbed into the fabric of Bert’s sweatshirt. “I feel like I’m always coming to you with my stupid problems. I’m such a shitty friend.”
“Shut up, Gee.” Bert said, hugging me tighter. “You’re just going through some rough shit. You’d do the same for me. I know you would.”
I lifted my head and blinked away the tears. Bert’s bedroom was just a mess of colorful, watery blurs.
“Maybe you’ve got it all wrong, Gee. Are you sure you don’t want to call him?”
“I don’t want to talk to him. I’m just… so fucking done.” I whispered.
“I think you should talk to him.” Bert nodded. “Or like… here let me see your phone.”
He reached into my jacket pocket and felt around for my phone. He pulled it out before I could stop him.
“Bert. Don’t.” I warned.
“Don’t worry I’m not gonna call him.” Bert chuckled.
I bit my lip nervously as I watched him scroll through my phone. I’d been unable to stomach looking at it since I’d texted Mikey that I was with Bert and that he shouldn’t look for me.
“See look. He’s texted you like a thousand times.” Bert said. “Want me to read em to you?”
“No…” I breathed. “Or ahm, okay.”
“You sure?” He asked skeptically.
I nodded weakly, biting my lip.
“Okay let’s see uhhhh… 'Gerard pick up you’re fucking phone.'” Bert read. “Next one says, ‘Gerard I need to talk to you. I’m not doing this over text.’
Bert glanced up at me for approval to keep reading.
'Gerard don’t fucking do this.'” Bert continued. “'Gerard where the fuck are you?'
Stop.” I groaned. If he was wondering where I was had he stopped by my apartment looking for me? We showed up at each other's apartments all the time, after all. That's what had lead to me sobbing in Bert's arms in the first place.
But it wasn't my fault he'd already gotten back together with his ex. What would've happened if I hadn't showed up? How long would Frank have strung me along?
We weren't together, not exactly. Even still, he hadn't mentioned even speaking to Jamia again.
“The kid wants to talk to you, Gee.” Bert said, petting my hair and sliding my phone back in my pocket.
“What’s the point?” I mumbled.
“Closure? If nothing else you need some closure on this.” Bert pointed out.
“There won’t be any closure. Not if My Chem stays together.” I sighed.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to find you another guitarist? I know some guys who shred harder than Frankie. We could set up auditions and-”
“No.” I said firmly. “Maybe… Maybe if Frank leaves we can talk about it. But Frank is still in the band. We’re still in a band together. I would have to run it by the guys first anyways.”
“I get it. Just don’t forget your pal Bert’s got the hookups.” He smirked.

We laid there for awhile in comfortable silence, Bert’s stereo soundtracking the lack of conversation.
After a while Bert’s phone rang.
“I don’t uh… recognize the number. Might be someone looking to pick up?” He said, accepting the call.
“Hello?” He asked, eyes darting around thoughtfully.
Frank,” he said with fake fondness, “To what do I owe such a pleasure?”
I could faintly hear bits of Frank’s panicked voice on the other end. “Mikey said… Just tell me he’s…
I leaned forward so that I could hear Frank better but Bert pushed me back against the mattress, smirking playfully. He rolled off the bed and shot me this look that said, “Try me, punk.
Bert didn't want me dictating how the conversation went. I was almost mad at him. But Frank hadn't called me, he'd called Bert.
“Gerard’s fine. He’s safe with me…” Bert assured. “I haven’t let him take anything! Not a single goddamn pill! Chill out!”
He paused, allowing Frank to yell for a moment.
“No offense dude,” Bert chuckled, smiling at me, “But I think you might be the last person he wants to fucking talk to right now.”
He paused again as Frank said something else. I wondered where Frank was, what he was doing, if Jamia was still at his apartment. Maybe they were eating pizza in their underwear and holding hands and- I held my breath and tried to shut it out.
I could be sad about Frank but I knew it was wrong to torture myself with thoughts like that.
“Is there a message you want me to relay to him?” Bert asked.
He bit his lip as he listened.
Well shit dude!” Bert snorted. “I mean, I think maybe that’s something you should tell Gerard yourself.”
Bert laughed.
“No. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m not gonna let you talk to him.” He said, humor evaporating quickly from his voice. "He doesn't want to talk to you or he would've called you himself."
He shifted his weight and scratched at a dried, crusty spot on his sweatshirt. I made a note to make Bert do his laundry later.
“Ok… I’ll bite. Let’s just say you didn’t fuck her. What was she doing at your place?”
Bert put his hand over the receiver and looked at me.
“I’m gonna take this into the hall. I don’t want to upset you.” Bert whispered before slipping out the door.
“Well that’s an incredibly rude thing to say!” Bert yelled into the phone, muffled by the closed door between us.
Bert was playing a game with Frank. I could tell because he hadn’t called him any names and he hadn’t made any threats.
I glanced around the room, vision finally clear after hours of crying. I spotted a bottle of pills on Bert’s nightstand. I picked it up and read the label. Pain killers. Good ones, too.
I could slip a few in my mouth. Bert wasn’t in the room, he wouldn’t even notice. I rolled the bottle in my hands, listening to the pills clink over each other.
“Look, dude, you don’t get a prize for being a fucking asshole, sorry!” Bert shouted. I listened as Bert’s door creaked open.
“Goddammit… you sure can pick em, Gee.” Bert muttered. “....Gee?
I looked up, he was staring at the bottle in my hand with a concerned look. He dived onto the bed and swatted the bottle out of my hand. It hit the carpet with a soft tap, the pills clinked violently against the inside of the plastic container as they bounced away.
“You didn’t fucking take any of those did you?” Bert asked softly. Before I could answer he was sticking his fingers in my mouth, feeling around my gums for any traces of a pill tucked under my tongue.
Buh Sah!” I groaned, pulling at his wrist. Bert, Stop!
I bit down on his fingers just a little in attempt to get him to stop.
Fuck, Gee.” He hissed.
“I didn’t take any of them. Count ‘em if you don’t believe me.” I said cooly, voice hoarse from the struggle.
“You think I can keep count of shit like that, Gee?” Bert laughed darkly, “Fuck.”
Bert pulled me into a hug.
“Princess, I need you to listen and listen good for just a second, okay?” He said firmly, against my ear. “I’m all for you returning to the dark side... I’ve missed how we used to be.”
“Bert, I-”
“No, just listen! I’m all for you getting back into this stuff. You know I am. But you shouldn’t make decisions like that when you’re mad.” He scorned. "I'm not letting you. Not when you're so upset."
“I’m not-”
“You are, Gee. Frank hurt you. Based on what that asshole just told me I don’t think he and Jamia got back together... but either way he still hurt you! I know it’s not my place to speak on it but I don’t think your relationship with Frank is a good idea anymore… You’re so vulnerable right now.”
“But-”
“SHHHHH. I don’t think partying with me is a good idea either, princess.”
No. I couldn’t believe he was saying what he was saying.
“I’m not deserting you, Gerard. I’d never do that. But I’m not taking you out with me anymore. Not the way I have been.”
“But, Bert-” I started.
“No buts.” He said, chuckling (probably at they way it could be misconstrued as “no butts”), “I was gonna let you handle this stuff with Frank on your own, but I can’t do that anymore. Not if he knows about our little business. Not if he makes you upset like this.”
He hugged me tighter.
“And I've thought of a way we can get back at him, if you think it’ll make you feel better.” Bert whispered.
I turned to look at Bert then, finding the all-too-familiar evil I’d seen in his eyes hundreds of times before. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelming curiosity.
“What do you have in mind?” I asked softly.
He raised an eyebrow, probably surprised he’d been able to get genuine interest from me so easily.
“Well… for starters you have to stop moping around in my bed, as cute as it is.” He smirked, “And then we gotta get you dressed up all pretty..."

Notes

sorry this is kind of a short update!
TGIF - THANK GOD IT'S FRERARD

-m



Comments

I love this. I've re read it four or five times but never make it to the end. always get caught up. When will there be more?? I need more. I love this.

NOT USED ACCOUNT NOT USED ACCOUNT
11/15/16

Hey, I just wanted to let you know how closely I follow this story. I'm constantly rereading it, I love it so much. Now I'm not trying to rush the writing process, I know how delicate that can be, I jjst really appreciate all your hard work and I get super excited when I see you've updated. :)
Thank you for writing this.

IAmAGhost IAmAGhost
1/14/16

@KayKay
NEVER. HAHHHHHAHAH.
um, no, actually, idk, i'm working on it. i swear.

FRERARD HOTLINE FRERARD HOTLINE
10/1/15

D: when will this be updated?!

KayKay KayKay
9/25/15

@everyone: married in my mind isn't dead it's just taking a little nap. i promise. <3
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

FRERARD HOTLINE FRERARD HOTLINE
8/15/15