Your eyes are vacant & stained (frerard)

FRANK’S P.O.V
Okay, now maybe it was a little too obvious that I was…Envious of Bert and Gerard… But, still, you can’t really expect me to skip around being all happy when really I’m not? Oh, well. At least Bert isn’t in my class.
“So, turn to page 34, exercise 8.” I announced, hearing sudden groans of annoyance from the class because we were doing textbook work. I noticed Gerard was already scribbling answers down; this actually shocked me because usually he has trouble doing so… I furrowed my eyebrows together. I strode over to him.
“Gerard,” I smirked. Gerard wasn’t working, he was writing lyrics or whatever. He jumped, slightly, startled that I was there, much like the first day he was here.
“Sorry, sir,” Gerard bit his lip, and began to put his sheet away before I stopped him. “I want to read,” I sat down next to him on the different desk and scanned the sheet. It was lyrics, and they were amazing. “Woah, Gerard, these are insanely good,”
“Thanks,” Gerard blushed, then stared out the window. I followed his gaze to the big ball of heat, the Sun, gleaming down on Earth.
“It’s a nice day,” I commented.
“Yeah…Can we go to a field instead of my house? There is a field near my house that we can go too… I’ve never been out of my home that much…” Gerard stared at me for a second, before resuming to gawk at the Sun.
“Of course,” I grinned. “Absolutely,”
- - -
Gerard straightened his dark navy blue blazer and smiled at me as we walked to the field near his house.
“Sunny days,” His eyes twinkled with excitement and it was adorable.
“You’re so cute,” I mumbled, then realised what I said. I, hesitantly, took a glance at Gerard. His cheeks had gone a deep scarlet, however, a small, shy, crooked smile was there.
“Thank you,” He replied, tucking strands of his hair behind his ear as he stared at the ground.
“No need to thank me,” I casually answered. Gerard had a little skip in his walk, and I grinned, again, at how cute he was… Urgh, he was driving me insane… I love him… So much…
“We’re here,” Gerard stated, snapping me out of my thoughts. I glanced at the huge field that had a large scattering of daisies and different flowers over it. Flashes of different bright shades of greens were everywhere, the trees surrounding it were swaying slightly. Gerard and I strode to the centre of the field, where he sat down, cross-legged and starting picking from daisies from the grass.
“So, Gerard,” I watched his fingers twirl a daisy in his hand, admiring it with fascination. It slid from his spidery fingers and landed on the ground, lost with another colours of yellow and white. He picked another daisy from the Earth, and began making a daisy-chain, joining the flowers together. He soon made a huge daisy-chain, and joined them at the end. He handed it to me. I smirked, and carefully placed the fragile daisies on Gerard’s head, like a flower-crown.
“There you are, princess,” I grinned.
“Princess? Are you saying I look like a girl?” Gerard raised his eyebrows.
“Yes. A very pretty girl.” I replied, then mentally face-palmed myself. I needed to stop complimenting him like that. Gerard’s face had gone extremely red.
“Thanks… I think the same with you, apart from you don’t look like a girl,” Gerard paused for a second, appearing thoughtful.
“You think I’m pretty?” I chuckled.
“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, like he was agreeing with himself. “Okay, you are very pretty. And very attractive,”
My eyes went wide. He called me attractive?! Wow. My heart flipped like a thousand times, making me feel as if I was like 12 or something. Gerard smacked himself in the face, literally.
“Sorry!” He mumbled, crimson in the face.
“Its fine,” I whispered, in fact, it was more than fine… I loved it when he complimented me… I loved it so much… “Thank you, Gerard,”
“My brother probably would’ve told you that anyway,” Gerard muttered, and he started plucking pieces of grass.
“You talk about me to your brother? Hey, I want to know what you say,” I demanded, my smile never left my face as Gerard still wore the flower crown. The sun shone on his face.
“Embarrassing stuff that you don’t need to know,” Gerard whispered. My stomach did a million somersaults.
“Tell me, I’m your tutor,” I nudged. “Or I’ll give you a detention!” I joked around.
“I spend lunch and break with you anyway,” Gerard gave me a small smile. “Anyway, shouldn’t we be talking about my problems?” Gerard was trying to change the subject, I knew that. I wanted to force him to tell me what he was telling his brother about me, but I knew that could make Gerard really self-conscious and I wasn’t prepared for Gerard to hate me and yeah…
“Okay, talk about your problems, tell me them.” I gazed at Gerard’s face. The field was empty apart from us, Gerard had told me previously it was like a private one for his house because hardly anyone came.
“Well… I’m scared,” Gerard began.
“Why?” I shuffled closer to Gerard, removing the flower-crown from his head.
“I wanted to wear that,” Gerard whined.
“So you can be a pretty girl?” I smirked. Gerard shoved me, quite hard actually. I threw the flower-crown at his face, laughing. Gerard pouted at the broken chain.
“You ruined it,” His eyes glimmered with sadness.
“Answer the question, Gerard. Why?” I repeated, sitting close to him again, I could smell his gorgeous scent. Gerard sighed.
“I don’t want to cry,” Gerard answered. “If I told you, I would cry, and I hate crying in front of people. It shows how much more of a wimp I am,”
“It’s fine to cry in front of me, I won’t judge you. You’re not a wimp. Tell me,” I wrapped an arm around Gerard and tugged him closer. He squirmed slightly, then got himself comfortable, his head in my lap and staring up at the sky.
“Fine,” Gerard’s eyes moved up and latched onto mine. “I’m scared of them beating me up again. I’m scared of you thinking I’m just some other student and that you don’t really care about me. And I’m scared of something else that I can’t tell you.”
“They won’t beat you up again, I’m here. And I care about you Gerard,” I moved from him and lay down next to him, close. We were actually dangerously close. I gripped his hand in mine, rubbing my thumb in a circular motion on his soft skin.
“You mean a lot to me, I care about you,” I announced. I heard Gerard’s soft sigh.
“That’s good, because you mean a lot to me too,” Gerard placed his head on my chest, I wondered if he heard my heart beat pick up. “I hope you don’t mind…” Gerard said, shyly.
“It’s fine… And the other thing that you can’t tell me, you don’t have to use names as such,” I stated.
“Well…” Gerard bit his lip. “There is this person…Well this guy, of course, who I really like,”
My heart dropped. My stomach fell to my feet. I felt sick. I felt drenched in envy and annoyance. I really wanted him to stop talking, however, I had told him too. I had said for him to tell me.
“But,” Gerard paused. “I can’t…I’m not allowed…I told Mikey about it but he said it would just be a tiny crush but he doesn’t understand. No one does. No one will. You will think I’m a freak, actually, you probably already do.” Gerard sat up straight, clutching his legs to his face, rocking slightly, his black hair falling front of his face as the tears spilled from his eyes. I knew I needed to push my jealousy aside. I rushed beside him, and embraced him.
“You’re not a freak, Gerard, do you understand me?” I told him, my voice firm. Gerard just sniffed and buried his face in my chest, clutching the material of my t-shirt, as a reply.
“I will never believe you,” He whispered.
“Gerard, please, don’t think this of yourself. You aren’t a freak! You never were, and you never will be!” I exclaimed. “Please,”
There was just a horrible silence.
“That’s it,” I muttered. “If you don’t believe it, I will make you believe it. I will make you like yourself. I will make you know that you’re not a freak, because you aren’t.”
“You can try,” Gerard replied, in his tiny, unconfident voice. “Just know that whatever you do for me, means everything.”
My heart melted, I gripped Gerard tighter.
“How much I love you,” I said it so quietly, underneath my breath, so he couldn’t hear. He can NEVER know that.
- - -
We entered Gerard’s house, his parents were out, and Mikey was, as usual, sitting in the lounge, slurping on some drink. Gerard stood in the kitchen, preparing himself a huge black coffee, and another for me. His cheeks were still slightly damp. We both heard Mikey move from the sofa, and Gerard automatically wiped the rest of the water from his cheeks as Mikey arrived in the kitchen.
“Hello, Mr Iero,” Mikey stared at me for a few seconds, before speaking to Gerard. “I was told to tell you from Bob and Ray that they can meet up with you this weekend.”
“Oh, okay,” Gerard replied, simply. “That’s rad,” He put more enthusiasm in his voice. “Tell them I said alright, see you then.”
“I will, anyway, I’ll be in my room if you need me… Try not to stare at Mr Iero too much, we all know you find him hot,” Mikey called, laughing. “Oops, I didn’t mean to say that!” And then he disappeared. Gerard continued stirring his coffee, not speaking, his face red.
“Don’t worry, I take that as a compliment… I think you’re very good-looking, if that helps,” I leaned against the counter, eyeing Gerard whose face just went a deeper red. He blew air upwards, his hair moving slightly.
“Thank you, sir,” Gerard smiled. He had to call me ‘sir’, just in case his brother heard.
“It’s my pleasure,” I shot him a grin and he handed me the other coffee and we walked downstairs to the basement. Maybe the temptation of just shoving him against his bedroom wall and kissing his face off was getting a little too much for me. I’m so…Fucking in love with that kid, it was driving me crazy. I know I’ve said that many times, but it’s true. And yet, Gerard loves another dude… That he can’t have… And I love him… And I can’t have him. The same feeling goes both ways.

Notes

a/n: i actually nearly cried while writing this no joke