Your eyes are vacant & stained (frerard)

GERARD’S P.O.V
I attempted to focus on my new sketch of wonder-woman as I heard the rise of cursing and insulting from upstairs, upstairs as my bedroom was the basement. I clutched my sketchbook, glaring up at the ceiling, underneath my mass of shining black hair.
“Gerard,” I heard a quiet, shy voice whisper. I saw a boy, a few years younger than me, with mid-length, choppy brown hair and a grey beanie squashed on his head with rectangular glasses, wriggle up beside me. “Why do they keep on arguing?”
“It’s complicated, Mikes.” I muttered. I knew very well why my parents were arguing. It was about me.
“Gerard, please tell me, I’m old enough to know,” Mikey stared at me, with his big eyes. I ruffled his hat; therefore, it fell in front of his eyes, his glasses tumbling from his face. “Hey! Just tell me,” Mikey scowled, picking up his glasses from my bedroom floor, which was littered with comics and artwork.
“It’s about me,” I stated to the thin figure, which was fixing his hair and stuffing his hat back on his head. His eyes immediately flashed to me.
“What?” His voice was surprising protective, even if he was just that little geeky kid.
“I’m not doing very well at school, Mikes, they are debating about me moving schools…” I sighed, heavily. That was half of the truth, I had a mental problem, I didn’t fit in, I didn’t like myself. I never have and never will. No matter how many friends I could and have there, I still would never think that school was right for me. I hated it with a passion, I hate myself with a passion, but I like my family and friends.
“But…But you can’t leave! You’re my big bro who I like to embarrass at school!” Mikey protested. I laughed, and the laugh tasted bitter.
“You’ll be fine without me; you have Pete and other friends…” I trailed off, knowing I would miss him not being around me at lunch and breaks.
“I suppose,” Mikey pouted. “At least you’re not going to one of those stupid boarding schools,”
“Yeah, I mean, I’m going to see you after school if I’m not bombarded with work,” I insisted.
“Yeah! We can still watch Batman!” Mikey’s eyes widened with excitement.
“Totally,” I chuckled. “Anyway, they are going to come down soon, to tell me where I’m going,”
“I thought you said they were ‘debating’?” Mikey raised a thin eyebrow.
“I might’ve been lying a little about that… They are debating about what school I should move too, I am moving.” I admitted. Mikey nodded, slowly.
“I better be off to my room, as you said, I hope I don’t pass the beasts on the way,” Mikey giggled then bolted off.
- - -
I snuggled underneath the duvet, my stomach was growling as I hadn’t eaten dinner as my parents were arguing so much.
“Gerard Arthur! Get up!” Mum hissed, quietly. I gritted my teeth, and sat up straight, not daring to meet the devil’s wife in the eye. Speak of him, Dad trotted in soon after.
“What?” My eyes darkened with anger.
“Don’t be rude! We’ve found a school, and you’re going there not tomorrow, but the next day. Your tutor will be Mr Iero, and you’ll be in a class with 10 other students. It isn’t a very large class because it is meant for people that moved school, like you.” Mum explained.
“’People like me’? What am I, an alien to you? Am I not human? That’s probably true actually, I’m not human. I’m a freak.” I growled.
“Gerard. No, you very well know this is for you. Don’t think about yourself like that.” Dad interrupted before Mum could turn into some kind of beast.
“I know,” I bit the inside of my cheek, fighting the tears in my eyes. “Does the tutor know anything about my problem?”
“No,” Mum paused. “Although, you can talk to any tutor about your problems, that’s what they are also there for,”
“No way am I doing that,” I murmured underneath my breath, they’d probably hate me more than they would anyway. “Now, can I sleep?”
Locks of jet black hair fell in front of my face as I glanced down at my bed sheets.
“Very well, we’ll leave you be. Come on, Donna.” Dad hushed Mum out of the room, closing the door behind them. I pictured my tutor. Some large, chubby man, with round, circular glasses the size of massive bottle tops and bald, maybe with a moustache. Someone of old age, too, I imagined.
- - -
“How do you pronounce his last name? Ear-o?”
“Eye-ear-o.” I corrected the male, with a chestnut brown afro and who was exceedingly tall, also known as Ray Toro, one of my closest friends.
“I feel sorry for you, buddy, I’m sure you’ll make friends, though.” Ray patted me on the back in a friendly gesture.
“Yeah, and if not, beg your parents to get you to another school,” Bob, my other closest friend, with short hair and a black lip piercing, stated, stuffing his face with noodles from the Chinese shop.
“I guess,” I replied.
“I could help persuade them if matters get out of hand,” Ray offered. I smiled, widely at him.
“Thank you, I would love that,” I grinned.
“I would offer, but no way, your parents would trample all over my excuses, plus I’m too scared,” Bob announced, chucking his rubbish from the Chinese in my bedroom’s bin.
“Yeah, I’m scared of my own parents, let alone you be,” I sniggered. “Hey, should we get a camera out?”
“NO!” Bob backed away from me, wide eyes. Ray and I collapsed with laughter, and Bob soon joined.
“I’ll miss you guys being in my school,” I sighed. “I hate that my parents found out about my problem, they also found out that I hate crowded places,”
“There was no way to hide it, Gerard. Your drawings, your notes, they were horrible. None of that is true, you’re a really nice guy.” Ray informed me. “We’ll still meet up every week anyway,”
“Definitely,” I nodded.
“Yup,” Bob agreed.
“Where’s the other Way?” Ray queried.
“Around Pete’s, he’s obsessed with that guy,” I rolled my eyes.
- - -
“Gerard, get up, it’s your new school, Mum told me to get you up,” I felt someone shove me, repeatedly. I groaned, rolling over in my bed.
“Go away, Mikey,” I threw a pillow at him and then I heard his laugh.
“C’mon,” Mikey poked me. I sighed, clambering out of bed.
“Where’s my uniform, then?” I yawned, stretching my arms out in front of me.
“In your wardrobe, where Mum put it,” Mikey trailed after me as I swung open my oak wardrobe doors, revealing a bunch of new clothes; school uniform. I pulled the dark, navy blue blazer, white shirt, black trousers, and red tie from the first hanger.
“Now, leave, I don’t want you to see me naked,” I pointed at the door and Mikey made a disgusted face then left. I changed into the uniform, and packed my fresh new school books Mum had gifted me yesterday in my black shoulder bag. I stomped upstairs, seeing Mikey in his shoes and coat, with my parents.
“Here are the directions for your school, you’ll be walking from now on,” Dad spoke whilst Mum shoved a piece of paper in my hand.
“Oh, thanks,” I said, sarcastically, rolling my eyes as I stepped out before them, with my shoes on. “And before you say, I don’t need a coat,” And with that, I took quick, hurried strides to wherever this piece of crumpled paper directed me too.
- - -
The building towered down on me, glaring at me, sullenly, letting me know I wasn’t welcome. I peered through the glass doors, checking the school name. I breathed, outwards, as it indeed, told me it was the correct school. I entered the building, scanning the main hall which had a crowd of students in it. The school had around 200 students in it, which wasn’t very much compared to my last school. I kept by the sides, leaning against the pale, cream wall, watching other kids run around like lunatics and have fun. I didn’t want to go anywhere near the crowded spaces, I could feel my anxiety twinge inside me already. An ear-piercing bell screamed, and the crowd of students began to thin out. I checked my planner to see which room I was in, and headed for it, rapidly, not wanting to be late on my first day.
- - -
I plonked myself down at the back of the classroom, in a wooden desk. I opened the top of it, dumping my books inside, then shut it. I sighed, heavily, studying the other students in my class. They all seemed pretty similar to the ones in my school. They were all happy, all decent looking, apart from me. I flicked my black hair from my eyes, knowing I wouldn’t fit in here, but it was okay, because I wasn’t getting called names. Everyone seemed to accept the fact that I was unique.
The tutor was going to be in a minute, they always delayed, all of them, it said in the letter that Mum had read. I opened my desk again, and yanked out my sketchbook, flicking to a fresh page and began to draw undead people, zombies and vampires. My fine pencil stroked the crisp paper, elegantly and quickly.
“Class,” A voice spoke, I knew it was Mr Iero. I continued drawing, adding the inks in with my fine liner, placing the pen lid in my mouth. The tutor seemed to be calling people’s names out, so I guessed he had begun the register. I dug inside my school bag and pulled out my coloured sharpies, which are exceedingly good pens, and started colouring in my drawings, shading and adding different colours to the eyes to make it look creepy.
“Gerard Way,” The tutor called out my name, startling me as I never noticed he was standing right next to me. The class seemed to be doing a lesson, I hadn’t realised. I glanced up, at my new tutor. He was totally not how I pictured he was going to be. Totally different. He had short, jet black hair, nose and lip piercing with black plugs in his ears. He was tattooed and wore a plain black top with ripped blue jeans and converse. It was completely bad what I was thinking about him, but it was the truth. My tutor was extremely attractive. I hated myself for this, why was I gay? Why did I think this OF MY TUTOR? Stupid me.
“Yes?” I stared at my drawings, tucking strands of my hair behind my ear.
“Is this really what you’re supposed to be doing in class?” His voice was as soft as silk, as he sat down on the spare seat next to me, smirking. I breathed in, sharply.
“No, sir…” I trailed off, grimacing slightly as he grasped my sketchbook and looked through it. “I’m sorry, they aren’t that good, sir,”
The tutor looked up from my drawings, quirking an eyebrow.
“Aren’t that good? They’re amazing,” He stated. I felt my cheeks go hot at the compliment. Why the hell was I blushing?
“Thanks, sir,” I muttered.
“What were you meant to be doing though, Gerard?” His lips curled into a smile. I swallowed, hard.
“I don’t know, sir, I was drawing,” I whispered.
“I could see that,” He paused. “This is your first day, right?”
I nodded, slowly, catching a glimpse at the card hanging from his neck. Frank Iero. His name was Frank. “I can’t focus on anything, sir. I don’t…” I stopped myself from saying about how I couldn’t focus because my mind was always worried about what other people thought of me, because I didn’t like myself. Frank looked as if he was going to tell me to continue, but he didn’t.
“Well, we’re supposed to be doing Maths at the moment,” Frank announced.
“Sorry, sir,” I mumbled, opening my desk to reveal my new school books.
“Hey, Gerard,” His voice lowered. “Don’t be afraid to talk to me, okay?”
“It’s nothing… You wouldn’t want to waste your time talking to me anyway,” I literally mentally face-palmed myself. That was the worst thing I could say. I don’t want him knowing about my problems. Frank frowned.
“Of course I would… Say behind at break, and it’s for your own good, not because I was to criticize you,” Frank murmured. Great. I just nodded and watched him as he walked off to his desk, running a tattooed hand through his hair and searching through his draws. I sunk into my chair, I couldn’t stop thinking about him the whole lesson, even when he walked out, even when I wasn’t staring adoringly at him. I attempted to get a song into my head, instead of him, but I just couldn’t.

Notes

A/N: i hope you like this - thank u all on twitter for helping me choose who was gunna be the tutor xo