31st October 1999 – Sunday
It was 5pm and Gerard had just finished Frank's birthday present, it was a drawing of Frank and his mom. He didn't want to draw him and Jamia because that would be too painful for him to handle and if he drew a picture of him and Frank, Frank would probably just throw it out. Not that Gerard had any reassurance that Frank wouldn't throw this one out. He had spent forever drawing it, working on it everyday, including during his work hours at the comic store.

He also wrote Frank a letter and bought him an old batman comic that Frank would always whine about not having. It was simple, but it was from the heart. He even wrapped all of it in perfection, in the best wrapping paper he could find.

He had been slacking around for the rest of the afternoon when suddenly everyone burst into his basement.

“What the fuck?” He asked looking at everyone confused, when Mikey came in after them with an equally confused look.

“Dude it's like 7pm, Frank's birthday party is like in an hour. You and Mikey have to get your costumes on.” Bob said, looking kind of weird with the wearwolf attire he had on.

“Um, we're not going.” Gerard said gingerly.

“What? Why not?” Andy asked.

This time Mikey answered for him. “Well Frank didn't invite Gerard to his party and since I didn't want to leave Gerard alone on Halloween I decided to stay with him and have a horror movie marathon.”

Everyone including Gerard had shocked faces, then they all turned to him. “He seriously didn't invite you?” Pete asked.

Gerard shrugged. “We haven't spoken in forever.”

“Well I refuse to go now.” Bob said. “Assholes don't deserve friends at their parties."

Everyone agreed quickly. “No come on you guys, you have to go or you'll be as much of an asshole as him.” Gerard said quickly. “You're not going to miss out on his 18th birthday, that's even more assholish.”

Ray nodded his head. “He does have a point. Well, as long as you and Mikey are okay with it.”

“Fine and dandy.” Mikey replied. “We'll be talking shit about him behind his back.” He said smiling at Gee, who couldn't help but giggle back.

“Okay if you guys are okay, we'll be going now.” Pete said.

“Oh yeah, just one second.” Gerard said, reaching for the immaculate wrapping. “Just give this to Frank for me.” He said handing it to Patrick, because he knew he was the most likely to not burn it or refuse to give it to Frank.

“You have got to be shitting me.” Andy said. “The asshole didn't invite you to his party and hasn't spoken to you in weeks, yet you still got him a present? With perfect wrapping as well.”

Gerard sighed. “Just please, leave it be?”

Andy scowled. “Fine, whatever. Let's go guys.”

“Yeah, see ya dudes!” Pete said, as they all shuffled up the basement stairs.

“Is Alicia coming over?” Gerard asked Mikey once they were alone.

“Yeah, later. She wants to help comfort you.” Mikey said, rolling his eyes a bit.

Gerard grinned. “Awesome. Alicia's rad. You two are totally perfect together.”

“And you are totally gay.” Mikey replied.

“Not as gay as Pete Wentz.” Gee said giggling.

“True.” Mikey chuckled. “Now shall we get this marathon started?”

---

The Party had been going on for a while. Frank had seen glimpses of his friends but he hadn't had a chance to talk to them, however who he had not seen was Mikey, which was odd because even though he had not invited Gee, he had invited Mikey. Maybe he was off somewhere sucking face with Alicia, which brought him to now where Jamia and her ex-girlfriend were now snogging in the corner. Well, he thought, seems like there's no more pretend girlfriend. And now that he didn't have her company to distract him, he felt kind of lonely, like something was missing.

Suddenly, he felt someone bump into him and before he could apologize, there was Pete, handing him two gifts, one appallingly wrapped and the other perfect, and to his complete shock saying 'Happy fucking birthday you asshole', and not in a joking friendly way, he was serious, scarily so. He looked around and saw all the disapproving faces that his friends wore, they all came up to him and handed them each their present, and left quicker than they came.

Frank was officially weirded out, and he thought that maybe if he was lucky, his room would still be rid of people sucking face, so with his armful of presents, he made his way up into his room, and closed the door behind him.

He made his way through his presents, some DVD's, a few CD's and then the rare comic, and finally when he finished unwrapping all of them, he came to the pristine wrapped gift.

He felt a clench in his gut when he looked at the label and saw in perfect handwriting: From Gerard to Frank. He almost felt bad for ruining the wrapping, the black paper, smooth under his fingers, with the tape strategically placed, and the orange ribbon around it. The clench in his stomach only grew when he opened the small box to find an envelope with: For Frank written beautifully across it, the Batman comic he had been whining about not having for ages, and an astounding drawing of him and his mother that Gerard had done to the very last detail. He could feel his throat constricting and the tears threatening to spill.

He took out the envelope and carefully ripped it open, unfolding the piece of thick beige paper that had the same perfect handwriting scrawled across it, and began to read.

Dear Frank,

I am truly sorry for whatever I did that made you stop speaking to me, whether it was offending you, or simply not being good enough. The truth is, is that I was foolish last year when I thought our friendship would last this time around, because I have come to realize, that I am no one's first choice, I am never the best someone can do.

I really do hope that you know that I still look up to you all the same, your confidence and ability to just throw yourself into things headfirst, because you see, I do not have the same courage. I could have told you, for the longest time I have held this secret I could have just told you. But I didn't, because as I said, I am not as brave as you are, not even close enough. The secret is, Frank Iero, that I love you. And not just a best friend or brotherly love, I am truly and completely in love with you.

Your smile, your innocent eyes, how your hair falls so softly across your face and how you are so enthusiastic about music and all the artwork that you will get inked across your skin, although I know for sure it will never compare to the artwork that you are yourself. I love the way that you speak, and the way that you still have that childish giggle. I love that you're confident in yourself and that you stand up for what you believe in.

I was going to tell you all this, that day a couple of months ago when you asked out your lovely girlfriend Jamia. But after I heard that little request, I couldn't bring myself to it, out of my fear that you would shut me out. I regret not being brave, for things could be a lot more different now if I hadn't been so scared. So I am telling you now, I am getting over my fears, and being as brave as I think you would have been, as brave as I aspire to be, and I know that I'm not telling you this face to face, which I guess can be percieved as cowardly, but I am sorry to say that if I told you this face to face, I would by now be in tears. All that doesn't matter though, all that matters is that you know that I love you, and I am truly sorry if this makes your life harder, but I couldn't keep this from you any longer.

Maybe one day I'll have the luck of understanding why we stopped talking, maybe our friendship was never meant to be, the two times we tried to make it happen it failed, so maybe it's best for everyone if we don't try again.

I hope you have a truly wonderful life, and may you be happy, because that is all I wish for you. I am sorry for not being enough, but I can't even try to amount to being as great as you are.

The best of the best for you, Frank Iero.

A Happy Birthday, and a Happy Halloween.

Yours Truly, and Forever, G. Way
x

Frank didn't even realize he had been crying until he saw the first tear drip onto the paper, luckily not landing on any ink so it wouldn't smudge. He folded put it back into the box, placing it carefully on his nightstand. He crawled onto his bed and lay there, in fetal position, silently sobbing.

He felt like he had failed Gerard, and he had. No wonder his friends weren't speaking to him, if he were them he'd be beating himself up. The one thing he had promised he'd never do to Gerard again, he did one more time, all because of being afraid of love. And here was Gerard, writing him a beautiful letter, so perfect it was almost poetry, on how Frank was so brave and just took things as they came, and how Gerard would never be as good as him.

Gerard was a saint, and Frank had made him feel disposable and worthless. When in fact it was Frank that was more like that. Here was Gerard saying Frank was so brave, when Gerard was going to tell him he loved him, the same day that Frank used Jamia to forget Gee, running away like a child. Here was Gerard apologizing for not being good enough, and that that made Frank leave, when Frank left out of selfishness, and he was the one that wasn't good enough for leaving. Here was Gerard thinking there friendship was never meant to be, because Frank had been a phenomenal asshole to him twice, yet here he was saying he still wished Frank all the best, even though they'd never be friends again. But the one that got the most to him, was how Gerard had apologized for telling Frank he loved him.

Gerard felt so worthless and stupid, when Gerard had thought of Frank to get him the most perfect gifts for his birthday, when Frank had been stupidly selfish to not even invite him around for the party. Frank felt a burning sadness, Gerard didn't feel good enough because Frank made him feel disposable. Gerard was the most considerate human being to have ever walked on the planet, and he felt as if he were the worst, just because he thought Frank thought of him that way.

And suddenly Frank realized just how much love and respect the boy had for him. Frank deserved none of it. He sobbed harder into his pillow, not caring at all that he was smudging all his makeup, he didn't even want to leave his room ever again. He didn't want to face his friends, or Gerard ever again. He heard a soft knock at his door.

“Go away.” He sobbed miserably.

The door creaked open, showing a sympathetic looking Brendon. “What's wrong Frank?” He asked softly, closing the door behind him and making his way towards the bed.

“Nothing just leave me the fuck alone.” Frank said.

“Hey c'mon, I know this about Gerard. It's better to vent than to keep it all in.” Brendon pushed.

Frank sighed, figuring Brendon was right, and told him everything, even reading the letter aloud to him.

“Do you love him back?” Brendon asked at the end.

“Of course I do.” Frank said, wiping his tears.

“Then tell him.” Brendon said simply, shrugging.

Frank scowled. “I can't. He probably never wants to see me again, let alone talk to me or date me.”

Brendon smiled. “Frank, it takes a lot more than assholish behavior or obliviousness to stop love. Gerard will still love you, trust me.”

“How do you know?” Frank inquired.

“Ryan also has problems with attachment, since his father was an alcoholic and all, it's hard for him to let himself feel loved, or love back. He doesn't trust it. I still love him all the same though.”

“Yes but he didn't ditch you twice, leaving you alone and heartbroken. Gerard will never trust me again, let alone the other guys, and I don't even need to mention Mikey.”

Brendon shrugged. “Then win his trust back, tell him you love him to but don't be upset if he doesn't want to start a relationship yet. You didn't even make it though a friendship without breaking his trust twice. And the other guys don't matter, if Gerard forgives you, they'll learn to as well.”

Frank nodded, still feeling numb from everything.

“C'mon.” Brendon said. “Let's get you cleaned up, you have a party to get back to.”
“I don't want to celebrate my 18th birthday without Gerard.” Frank mumbled.

Brendon sighed. “I can try and convince him, Mikey, and Alicia to come, but I make no promises.”

Frank nodded, smiling thankfully at Brendon, and got himself up, carefully storing the box under his bed.

“Go on get yourself fixed in the bathroom while I go over to Gerard's.” Brendon said, already running down the stairs.

Frank walked into the bathroom and checked his reflection, giggling at how pathetic he looked. Now that the bad mood was gone, he was feeling giddy. Gerard loved him back and there was a chance that he'd be showing up. Well, if that were to happen, he'd better look good for him. So he set off to work.

Notes

My friend cried reading this, sorry.