7th September 1999 - Tuesday
Frank woke up next to Gerard and smiled a bit as he was peacefully sleeping. He had to forget him, if Gerard even knew what Frank was thinking about him half of the time he would've turned around and run a thousand miles. Frank couldn't tell him or he would lose his best friend, but he also knew he couldn't keep it a secret. He let his mouth run more often than not and he was not going to risk it slipping out. The only safe thing to do was forget Gerard, and as much as it hurt him he had to do it.

He didn't want to forget loving Gerard, he didn't want to stop loving him. He wanted to always feel what he felt now, but he couldn't, and that destroyed him more than anyone could guess. Since it was still early and he could have at least an hour more sleep, he shuffled closer to Gee because he was warm, allowed himself this tiny bit of comfort, just once more. It would be the last time.

---

“Gee, Gee. C'mon wake up man we have school.” Gerard awoke with a groan and mumbled something like 'five more minutes' to Frank. He wasn't sure Frank understood him, he wasn't even sure if he knew himself what he had said. Suddenly he had 5'4” and 100 and something pounds of Frank Iero thrown on top of him.

“Jesus fuck Frank what the hell!” He exclaimed bolting right up and frowning at a cackling Frank. “I'm fucking up okay, you don't need to jump on me.”

Frank just rolled his eyes, smiling. “Such a diva in the morning.”

“I'll show you a fucking diva.” Gerard said back, Frank giggling hysterically at him.

Gerard was nervous as all hell today. As soon as he got home he'd tell Frank how he truly felt about him, because he'd like a little bit of privacy. He'd also do it at his house because he wasn't really up for possibly getting kicked out of Frank's house once he told him.

He got dressed and made breakfast, well stole some of Frank's already made breakfast, and popping the last piece of toast into his mouth he told Frank to scoot or they'd be late, Frank shutting the door behind him as Gerard opened his car and hopped into the drivers seat. He looked over at Frank and was suddenly glad he would lift the weight off his shoulders.

---

As Frank made his way into band, his last class of the day, he spotted the girl who was part of his plan. Jamia Nestor. She was pretty cute all in all and she seemed to be interested in him. He wasn't that much of a dick to just use her and dump her once he got over Gerard though. He'd tell her he was only with her to forget someone and if he eventually fell in love with her great, if not she could enjoy it while it lasted. He was saving it for the end of the class though.

For the first time ever, band seemed to drag on, and that never happened to Frank in that class. He was just anxious to get this done with. As soon as this was over, he'd be a step closer to forgetting Gerard. Finally though, the bell rang and he packed up immediately, just managing to grab Jamia around the arm right outside the class.

She turned around and he saw just how cute she actually was, not Gerard, but he could deal. She had this short brown hair and a pale face with freckles, round brown eyes and a small nose. She smiled at him and he could see that all of her teeth were perfect and white and pearly, yet somehow not. Oh yeah, he reminded himself, Gerard's teeth were perfect.

“Hi,” He said sticking out his hand. “I'm Frank.”

She giggled at his awkwardness and he mentally cursed himself for comparing it to Gerard's giggle. “I'm Jamia.” She said back.

“So I know this is like a really dick thing to say, but I'm trying to forget someone and I was wondering if you could help me out by dating me or something. I don't know you're really pretty and all but you're either a sort of rebound or I could actually grow to like you, I'm not making any promises though.” He said a bit more comfortably.

“Yeah that would be great.” She replied. “You know I've sort of only been flirting with you to make my ex girlfriend jealous, this would be great to really up my game. But yeah, no promises.”

They both smiled a toothy grin at each other and Frank chuckled. “So Jamia, would you like to go on a date with me?”

---

Gerard's luck was terrible, all he wanted to do was go get Frank from class and drag him home so he could tell him the goddamn truth and here he was, being held back five minutes with the rest of his class because some dicks were fucking around and everyone got punishment for it. As soon as the teacher dismissed them he was up and out of there in a flash, walking as quickly as possible to the band rooms without collapsing due to heart failure. He slowed a little when he was almost there and then he figured it was good, because what he heard and saw next left him in tears.

“So Jamia, would you like to go on a date with me?” Frank said, and Gerard had heard enough, he turned and ran all the way to his car, driving down the road a bit and then finally stopping. Then he broke down, sobs wrenching his body as he shook violently against the steering wheel.

He felt sick, as if he had just lost his whole world. Of course he couldn't compare to the girl Frank had been asking out, she was cute and small and skinny and a girl. Gerard was just, Gerard. He was chubby with horrible fat spilling out of his jeans where the waistband dug in, he had a weird nose and girly eyes, and his teeth were small and freaky and full of fillings. He was a total dork who did stupid things when he wasn't paying attention like sticking his tongue out in concentration when drawing, he bet he looked horrible doing that. Or how he waved his arms around frantically when explaining something and oh god he probably looked like and idiot. Most of all though, he was a guy.

He knew Frank was bi but he was pretty sure that it was a sex thing. That when it came down to it who he really wanted to go on dates with, hold hands with, bump noses with, and eventually, spend the rest of his life with was a girl. Gerard had been stupid in wanting to tell Frank he was in love with him. Hell he wouldn't even tell Frank he was gay now, he was certain Frank would find him disgusting if he found out that Gerard wanted to hold hands and snuggle up with guys.

He thought he had time to deal with it later as he cleared up any evidence that he had been hurt, it was good that he did so too because as soon as he had finished, Frank was walking up to the car.

“Yo dude you haven't been scoring weed and not sharing have you? Your eyes are all puffy and shit.” Frank said slamming the door to the car, Gerard flinching.

“Hey don't do that, she's fragile, she'll break. And nah, you know I don't do weed, just alcohol. And my eyes are all puffy because some goddamn asshole decided to wake me up by jumping on me this morning, I'm fucking tired.” Gerard replied pulling one of his most believable fake smiles. He knew had to do them well, he had had practice back when his dad died and they were struggling, smiling to his mom and telling here everything was going to be fine.

Frank chuckled slightly and held up his arms in defense. “Okay goddamn, I'm sorry.”

Gerard pulled over and got out of the car heading to his house, when he noticed Frank going into his. “Oh we're going over to yours today?” He questioned pausing a little.

“Nah man, I hope you don't mind but I can't hang today. I've got a date with Jamia, you know the girl from my band class?”

Gerard nodded and tried to not let his disappointment show, he'd deal with it later. “Yeah I think so. Alright Frankie, have a good time.” He said waving back at him whilst he unlocked his door. As soon as he closed it behind him he sighed heavily, already knowing what was coming, it had happened once before.

“He went down to his basement and pulled his beers out of the mini fridge he had in there, calculating how many he could drink to be at least slightly sober before work.

He was hopeless, the one person he loved, was the one person he couldn't have. He figured he might as well lose his virginity to anyone now, it wasn't like he was going to find anyone he loved who loved him back to do it. He didn't even get what was so important about virginity, most people lost it in high school thinking they were giving it to the love of their life to only break up two months after anyway. He was going to start going out to parties more, maybe he'd get lucky. Then again, even the drunk part of Gerard's brain said he'd need a fucking miracle to get lucky. He was undesirable not only as a boyfriend, but also as a lay. He knew that much already.

He must have passed out because when he woke up it was 18:30 and his alarm was going off for work. He guessed sleeping was probably good because he had slept of most of the buzz.

He got out of his bed quickly cleaning up the mess, and sighing. At least Ray would probably keep him company at the store.

Ray had kept him company at the store, as usual, and he figured Ray had always stuck with him. He was probably more of a best friend than Frank. When Ray had gotten a girlfriend he had never started to blow him off to hang out with her, Ray was always at the store on his days of work to keep Gerard company, and he listened to Gerard's stupid rants, like the one he was currently having. Spilling everything about Frank, from how he loved him to how he knew Frank was going to start ignoring him again.

At the end of it all Ray shrugged. “People say they change, but they don't really. You know Frank, he ditched you for the life of popularity and girlfriends once, just because he felt bad for what happened to you and your family doesn't mean he isn't capable of doing it again.” And Gerard really envied how Ray could be sort of cruel without being cruel, he was just always reasonable and wise. And always right. It should have been enough warning really, to just stay away from him. But no matter how wise Ray's words were, Gerard would always love Frank.

He sighed heavily and dropped his head into his hands. This was about to become much more painful than he ever thought.

Notes

Chapter Title Credit: Misery Business - Paramore