Famous Last Words
The hardest part is letting go of the pain that grips my heart.
1.You stopped looking at me. Your eyes used to sparkle. They really did. They stopped though. You stopped looking at me with lust, love, care, and even want. You stopped looking at me like I was the light of your like life and more like I was the enemy. You frowned with your eyes at me. You never had love or care or happiness in them. I was a burden. I was a stranger in my own home.
2.You stopped smiling.You used to always smile. Always. As if you were reminding me how happy you were with me, how content you were. Your eyes would sparkle and you would smile until your eyes had little crinkles. You showed off all your little baby teeth. One day you never smiled. I thought you were moody, tired, sick, but then the next day you didn't smile either. You smiled at other people, just not me. Every once and ahwile you would try to smile but I can see how forced it was, because your eyes didn't twinkle anymore.
3.You stopped including us in your art. You were an artist. An out heard of ammount of talent. Your art was thought provoking and meaningful. You always used to draw me, or you'd paint something that only you and I would understand the sentimental value of, or you would dedicate them to me. That stuff didn't matter though, that wasn't what hurt. What hurt was when you stopped showing me your art. You stopped bouncing up and down waiting for my aproval. You stopped telling me when you started, when you where done, you just stopped involving me at all.
4.You stopped caring about my music. Granted, it was my band not yours, not your worry right? That was fine, but you always cared anyway. You came to gigs you cheered and bought albums, you told me your favorite songs and verses, you sang them and painted them. One day I wrote you a song. I am not a bragger but it was the most heart touching, the most beautiful song I have ever wrote. It was 6 minutes long. I came in the house bouncing up and down with exciment screaming for you to come listen and you did. You sat down and you waited for me to play it but you looked irrated. I played you the song and got tears in my eyes thinking back to our memories. but you zoned out before the first 2 minutes. You sat stone faced. Your eyes vancantcy should've have told me. It didn't though. I cried at your words because all you said was "Goodjob" and patted me on my shoulder. Patted me on my shoulder?
5.You stopped makeing me dinner. It seems petty, I know, but every night you had a beautiful vegan meal for me. Always. You hair would be messy and your skin sweaty and you would smile and tell me to enjoy. We would sit together and eat. I looked forward to those meals every night. One day I came home to an empty kitchen. When I asked if you were okay you simply told me that you had 'already eaten'. That became every night. No more food full of love.
6.You stopped laughing. You were a laugher. You laughed so hard you would weeze. Bending over just like your little brother and just crying of laughter. You thought I was the funniest person you knew. As the years went on you stopped laughing at my jokes and stunts, you just told me to stop. You laughs were faked, just like your smiles.
7.You stopped our bed time suprises. Every night you came home with something for me. Somedays it was kinky like strawberry lube, somedays it was sweet like a ring, somedays it was just stories of things that happened in the day that reminded you of me. Then you stopped bringing things home. you stopped talking to me about those things that made my face pop in your head. Maybe it was because I didn't pop in your head anymore.
8.You stopped cuddling with me after we made love. After we made love you would always wrap your long arms around my cold body and tell me how much you loved me. You always kissed me on the top of my head and whispered those three words. I love you. Then one night you just didn't. You rolled over and you wen to sleep. I thought maybe you forgot; maybe you were tired. Then the next time you didn't do it either. Then you never did.
9.You started yelling. You never yelled at me ever. We fought, sure, but we never savagly screamed like morons at eachother. One night I was cooking and I spilt water on you; you yelled for hours. This one time you tripped over my shoe in the hallway and you screamed at me, telling me I was an inconsiderate idiot. I was dumb. I cried and cried telling you I was so sorry, but you sat there and looked into my teary eyes and continued anyway.
10.You stopped introducing me. Whenever we met new people you always said "I'm Gerard Way and this is my beautiful husband Frank Way" then you stopped doing that, it was "I'm Gerard Way and this is Frank Way" then it turned into "I'm Gerard, this is Frank" and now you don't mention me at all. I guess I just wasn't that important.
11..You stopped reminding me you loved me. Almoat everyday at the most random moments you would tell me why you loved me. Like we would be inthe car and you would say "I love the way your hair curls." or "I love the way you fidget when your nervous." or "I love the way you bob your head when you agree with what a song is saying". You made sure I knew you loved me, and in return I always felt loved. That stopped too though and so did me feeling loved.
12.You stopped caring.You stopped reminding me you loved me, you stopped smiling, you stopped laughing, you stopped complimenting my food and my music, you stopped making love to me, you stopped cumforting me when I was upset; you stopped caring. I walked in bawling and you didn't give me a second glance. You didn't notice I was gone for a long time, you didn't notice I didn't eat or how pale I was becoming, you didn't noice how little I ever moved. You ignored my texts, my calls, you avoided me. No more notes and poems for me. No more necklaces or doodles. Nothing. Before you deny that you stopped caring, stopped loving me, stopped noticing me, then tell me honey, how did you miss the fact that I have cancer.
Yeah cancer. I am writing from the hospitle because this is my last day. The last day for me to live, and I just thought I would write you this to explain why I became so depressed. Everyone of these felt like someone had shoved acid down my throat, stabbed me, dismembered me, sliced me, and then ripped my heart out of my chest. You may realize what has happened. You may cry and feel horrible, you may not care at all; this may be relief for you. Either way I loved you so much. Too much to explain. I can't even tell you the feeling I got when I think of you. It is as if my heart will leap out of my chest or my insides will exsplode. I always felt like there was no one I would rather die for. Then slowly you turned away from me until I became a burdern, a stranger in your bed. When I got diagnosed two months ago they told me it was too late. The doctor said that all the stress and the depresion didn't help out my situtation, but he didn't understand; because I was slowly loosing my sunshine. My light at the end of the tunnel.My husband.My everything. So when you read this I just wanted you to know, that I love you so much. With every inch of my cancer indulged body I love you. Not a minute goes by when your name isn't in my head. Please take care of Mama. I love you Geebear. I understand why you grew distant, I wasn't the most interesting or unique partner, so for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Gee. I love you.
-Frank Anthony Way Jr.
2.You stopped smiling.You used to always smile. Always. As if you were reminding me how happy you were with me, how content you were. Your eyes would sparkle and you would smile until your eyes had little crinkles. You showed off all your little baby teeth. One day you never smiled. I thought you were moody, tired, sick, but then the next day you didn't smile either. You smiled at other people, just not me. Every once and ahwile you would try to smile but I can see how forced it was, because your eyes didn't twinkle anymore.
3.You stopped including us in your art. You were an artist. An out heard of ammount of talent. Your art was thought provoking and meaningful. You always used to draw me, or you'd paint something that only you and I would understand the sentimental value of, or you would dedicate them to me. That stuff didn't matter though, that wasn't what hurt. What hurt was when you stopped showing me your art. You stopped bouncing up and down waiting for my aproval. You stopped telling me when you started, when you where done, you just stopped involving me at all.
4.You stopped caring about my music. Granted, it was my band not yours, not your worry right? That was fine, but you always cared anyway. You came to gigs you cheered and bought albums, you told me your favorite songs and verses, you sang them and painted them. One day I wrote you a song. I am not a bragger but it was the most heart touching, the most beautiful song I have ever wrote. It was 6 minutes long. I came in the house bouncing up and down with exciment screaming for you to come listen and you did. You sat down and you waited for me to play it but you looked irrated. I played you the song and got tears in my eyes thinking back to our memories. but you zoned out before the first 2 minutes. You sat stone faced. Your eyes vancantcy should've have told me. It didn't though. I cried at your words because all you said was "Goodjob" and patted me on my shoulder. Patted me on my shoulder?
5.You stopped makeing me dinner. It seems petty, I know, but every night you had a beautiful vegan meal for me. Always. You hair would be messy and your skin sweaty and you would smile and tell me to enjoy. We would sit together and eat. I looked forward to those meals every night. One day I came home to an empty kitchen. When I asked if you were okay you simply told me that you had 'already eaten'. That became every night. No more food full of love.
6.You stopped laughing. You were a laugher. You laughed so hard you would weeze. Bending over just like your little brother and just crying of laughter. You thought I was the funniest person you knew. As the years went on you stopped laughing at my jokes and stunts, you just told me to stop. You laughs were faked, just like your smiles.
7.You stopped our bed time suprises. Every night you came home with something for me. Somedays it was kinky like strawberry lube, somedays it was sweet like a ring, somedays it was just stories of things that happened in the day that reminded you of me. Then you stopped bringing things home. you stopped talking to me about those things that made my face pop in your head. Maybe it was because I didn't pop in your head anymore.
8.You stopped cuddling with me after we made love. After we made love you would always wrap your long arms around my cold body and tell me how much you loved me. You always kissed me on the top of my head and whispered those three words. I love you. Then one night you just didn't. You rolled over and you wen to sleep. I thought maybe you forgot; maybe you were tired. Then the next time you didn't do it either. Then you never did.
9.You started yelling. You never yelled at me ever. We fought, sure, but we never savagly screamed like morons at eachother. One night I was cooking and I spilt water on you; you yelled for hours. This one time you tripped over my shoe in the hallway and you screamed at me, telling me I was an inconsiderate idiot. I was dumb. I cried and cried telling you I was so sorry, but you sat there and looked into my teary eyes and continued anyway.
10.You stopped introducing me. Whenever we met new people you always said "I'm Gerard Way and this is my beautiful husband Frank Way" then you stopped doing that, it was "I'm Gerard Way and this is Frank Way" then it turned into "I'm Gerard, this is Frank" and now you don't mention me at all. I guess I just wasn't that important.
11..You stopped reminding me you loved me. Almoat everyday at the most random moments you would tell me why you loved me. Like we would be inthe car and you would say "I love the way your hair curls." or "I love the way you fidget when your nervous." or "I love the way you bob your head when you agree with what a song is saying". You made sure I knew you loved me, and in return I always felt loved. That stopped too though and so did me feeling loved.
12.You stopped caring.You stopped reminding me you loved me, you stopped smiling, you stopped laughing, you stopped complimenting my food and my music, you stopped making love to me, you stopped cumforting me when I was upset; you stopped caring. I walked in bawling and you didn't give me a second glance. You didn't notice I was gone for a long time, you didn't notice I didn't eat or how pale I was becoming, you didn't noice how little I ever moved. You ignored my texts, my calls, you avoided me. No more notes and poems for me. No more necklaces or doodles. Nothing. Before you deny that you stopped caring, stopped loving me, stopped noticing me, then tell me honey, how did you miss the fact that I have cancer.
Yeah cancer. I am writing from the hospitle because this is my last day. The last day for me to live, and I just thought I would write you this to explain why I became so depressed. Everyone of these felt like someone had shoved acid down my throat, stabbed me, dismembered me, sliced me, and then ripped my heart out of my chest. You may realize what has happened. You may cry and feel horrible, you may not care at all; this may be relief for you. Either way I loved you so much. Too much to explain. I can't even tell you the feeling I got when I think of you. It is as if my heart will leap out of my chest or my insides will exsplode. I always felt like there was no one I would rather die for. Then slowly you turned away from me until I became a burdern, a stranger in your bed. When I got diagnosed two months ago they told me it was too late. The doctor said that all the stress and the depresion didn't help out my situtation, but he didn't understand; because I was slowly loosing my sunshine. My light at the end of the tunnel.My husband.My everything. So when you read this I just wanted you to know, that I love you so much. With every inch of my cancer indulged body I love you. Not a minute goes by when your name isn't in my head. Please take care of Mama. I love you Geebear. I understand why you grew distant, I wasn't the most interesting or unique partner, so for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Gee. I love you.
-Frank Anthony Way Jr.
Notes
What did you think? Please rate, comment and subscribe. I may continue where he comes back as a ghost or something. Depends. Thanks for reading!Xoxox,
-Mirror Mayhem
Okay, well when you can, you have to listen w/ music. It really makes everything twice as intence.
8/5/13