Hypocrite
Fin
Left foot.
I didn’t ever hear from Gerard directly. Mikey told me things about him as time passed, but we never actually spoke again. I guess he did find out what he wanted from me, and it turned out to be nothing.
Right foot.
What was I expecting? Let’s be honest; you can only push someone so far before they give up on you. I guess I ended up putting him over the edge. It’s funny, I hated him and his problems, but as soon as those problems were gone, he hated me. It took him basically telling me to fuck off to realize that maybe he and I could have worked.
Left foot.
Mikey overtook Terra’s best friend position. She’d distanced herself for a while, but eventually she came back. I was glad – I needed someone to be my maid of honor. Especially since I didn’t have any other female friends to be my bridesmaids.
Right foot.
Four months after Gerard gave up, Mikey and I started dating. We’d been watching the Crocodile Hunter wrangle an anaconda when he asked me. I said yes.
Left foot.
Eight months after that – one full year of me being clean and sober – we were grocery shopping when he asked if we could get married. I threw the bag of pizza rolls into the cart and told him yes, we might as well.
Right foot.
Mikey said Gerard had a girlfriend now; A pretty, dark-haired bass goddess. I lifted my gaze from my bouquet, to my fiancé whose hair was styled messily. Figures, couldn’t even comb his hair for his own damn wedding. My father and I stopped at the bottom of the staircase to the altar, and he handed me off to Mikey with a solemn nod.
Mikey’s hands were as clammy as mine, and we sent each other comforting smiles before heading up to save our vows. As I was getting ready in the morning for my wedding, I was worried that all I would be thinking about for the wedding was Gerard Arthur Way. The beautiful smile that Mikey gave me was enough to reassure me. I could only think of this bespectacled nerd in front of me. The one that sits on my couch while we watch daytime talk shows and eat enough pizza rolls to kill a man. The one that spoons me in bed, and sometimes lets me be the big spoon.
Even though sometimes my chest hurts when I think about Gerard, Mikey always knows how to fix it. He knew what exactly had been said that day on the sidewalk down the road from Starbucks, and though he wasn’t elated that my stomach still knotted at the mention of his brother, he always tried his best to move my thoughts back to himself. It always worked.
The reception went well, after that. I knew we would have to accept Gerard’s congratulations. He mostly spoke to Mikey, but Gerard’s beautiful girlfriend gave me a radiant smile that was infectious, “Your dress is beautiful. I love it,” I thanked her, but she outshone me with her name brand dress, immaculate hair and makeup, and the baby bump underneath it all.
I didn’t look at Gerard. He didn’t look at me. Despite the ache in my chest, I held Mikey’s hand and didn’t have to fake the look of contentment on my face. Gerard walked away, and I didn’t watch him leave this time.
I didn’t ever hear from Gerard directly. Mikey told me things about him as time passed, but we never actually spoke again. I guess he did find out what he wanted from me, and it turned out to be nothing.
Right foot.
What was I expecting? Let’s be honest; you can only push someone so far before they give up on you. I guess I ended up putting him over the edge. It’s funny, I hated him and his problems, but as soon as those problems were gone, he hated me. It took him basically telling me to fuck off to realize that maybe he and I could have worked.
Left foot.
Mikey overtook Terra’s best friend position. She’d distanced herself for a while, but eventually she came back. I was glad – I needed someone to be my maid of honor. Especially since I didn’t have any other female friends to be my bridesmaids.
Right foot.
Four months after Gerard gave up, Mikey and I started dating. We’d been watching the Crocodile Hunter wrangle an anaconda when he asked me. I said yes.
Left foot.
Eight months after that – one full year of me being clean and sober – we were grocery shopping when he asked if we could get married. I threw the bag of pizza rolls into the cart and told him yes, we might as well.
Right foot.
Mikey said Gerard had a girlfriend now; A pretty, dark-haired bass goddess. I lifted my gaze from my bouquet, to my fiancé whose hair was styled messily. Figures, couldn’t even comb his hair for his own damn wedding. My father and I stopped at the bottom of the staircase to the altar, and he handed me off to Mikey with a solemn nod.
Mikey’s hands were as clammy as mine, and we sent each other comforting smiles before heading up to save our vows. As I was getting ready in the morning for my wedding, I was worried that all I would be thinking about for the wedding was Gerard Arthur Way. The beautiful smile that Mikey gave me was enough to reassure me. I could only think of this bespectacled nerd in front of me. The one that sits on my couch while we watch daytime talk shows and eat enough pizza rolls to kill a man. The one that spoons me in bed, and sometimes lets me be the big spoon.
Even though sometimes my chest hurts when I think about Gerard, Mikey always knows how to fix it. He knew what exactly had been said that day on the sidewalk down the road from Starbucks, and though he wasn’t elated that my stomach still knotted at the mention of his brother, he always tried his best to move my thoughts back to himself. It always worked.
The reception went well, after that. I knew we would have to accept Gerard’s congratulations. He mostly spoke to Mikey, but Gerard’s beautiful girlfriend gave me a radiant smile that was infectious, “Your dress is beautiful. I love it,” I thanked her, but she outshone me with her name brand dress, immaculate hair and makeup, and the baby bump underneath it all.
I didn’t look at Gerard. He didn’t look at me. Despite the ache in my chest, I held Mikey’s hand and didn’t have to fake the look of contentment on my face. Gerard walked away, and I didn’t watch him leave this time.
@ThanksForTheCoffee
Thank you.
5/22/14