Out There

Nearly a month had passed and I hadn’t spoken to Gerard in anything but a student to teacher manner. He hadn’t tried to reach out to me either. In my head, I told myself that whatever intimacy happened between us was just a fling in the heat of the moment, but in all honesty to me- it felt like something more. Gerard wasn’t awkward around me, just cold. He didn’t ask me to stay after classes, nor offer extra help. He was exactly everything a teacher should be. It felt like what happened was such a miniscule thing, and I felt guilty for still staying in his house when I was the one kicking him out.

Mikey had started to notice I would stay at the library until closing, hang out at the park by myself, and even go to Frank’s more often. “You’re barely ever around anymore. Whats going on?” Mikey asked, picking at his food as we sat in the cafeteria. I stayed silent in my guilt, knowing I had no other excuse other than I was avoiding Gerard. “You’re barely ever talking to me too, is it something that I did?” he pressed on, placing his fork down next to his untouched plate. I looked past him to Frank walking into the cafeteria. A wave of relief flushed through me as we made eye contact, I gestured for him to come over. Mikey checked over his shoulder to see who I was communicating with and rolled his eyes. “He’s sitting with us again then?” he mumbled. “Well he is our friend.” I shot back. Mikey raised his eyebrow and rested his elbows on the table. “He’s your friend.”

Frank sat down next to me and greeted Mikey with a polite nod. “My teachers have gotten us started on exam prep. Fuck, we’re nearly out of here.” he stated, shaking his head. “Calm down, we’ve got the rest of the year to finish.” I chuckled, trying to dismiss the tension between Mikey and myself. Once again my attention diverted to the doorway as Gerard stood in it, clearly looking for someone. The larger part of my head hoped that he wouldn’t see me, that I wouldn’t have to experience that feeling in my gut that I get when we looked at each other, but a small part of me wished that I would be the one he was looking for. His eyes finally landed on our table and I watched as he confidently strided towards us. I shrunk in my seat and let my eyes land on my phone sitting in front of me. “Aeida,” I heard that firmiliar voice beckon. I gulped and looked up at Gerard. “You’re needed in the principals’s office.” he informed me. I nodded and got up from my seat. Both Frank and Mikey gave me a concerned glance and I dismissed them ith a convincing smile. I didn’t feel Gerard follow me as I made my way out of the cafeteria and into the hallway, both to my relief and dismay. Almost instantly after I knocked on the principals door, a voice from within instructed me to come inside. I walked into the office and sat down in one of the office chairs.

“We have a slight concern,” the principal addressed, leaning forward authoritatively over his desk. At that split second my mind went into panic mode. Had Gerard said something? Was that why he was the one to come and get me? “Your mother recently informed us that you were no longer living under her care. It’s not my business but legally, the school has to know if you’re living on your own or if there are special circumstances we need to be aware of.” he spoke calmly, retaining eye contact. “I’m staying at a friends house.” I squeaked, becoming aware of how dry my throat had gotten.

“We will need an address.” he clarified patronisingly. I nodded and stared at my hands. I couldn’t say I was living with Mikey- because then the school would know I was staying with Mr. Way and because we’re not related it would raise up a whole bunch of issues. So naturally, I took another way out. “The address should be listed under Frank Iero.”. The principal leaned back in his seat, folded his arms and gave me a emotionless nod. “It should be in your best interest to know that Frank isn’t particularly focused on his studies… as our top student, maybe the environment he’s around wouldn’t exactly be a positive impact on you.” he stated, biting his cheek, unimpressed. I nearly felt angry at his comment, but it became apparent that he wouldn’t know anything about environments if he thought the one I had come from would be better than the Iero household. “I’ll keep that in mind.” I replied, looking up into the principal’s eye. He clicked his tongue in the tension filled moments of silence. “A few members of staff have noticed a change in your grades.”

Any guesses who those ‘few members of staff’ were?

“Particularly in English.” he added.

You guessed correct.

“May I please be excused?” I croaked, feeling anger consume me once again. A glint of surprise flashed through the man’s eyes, but then he dismissed me with a firm nod. I stood up and got out to the hallway again. I made my way back to the cafeteria, intending to inform Mikey and Frank on the conversation which had just taken place, but a body stood in front of me not allowing me to pass. I cussed under my breath and looked up to the face which plagued me.

“I don’t exactly know what your plan is, but it didn’t work. Nothing changed.” I spat, feeling more aggression as the words left my mouth. “I haven’t got a plan.” Mr. Way retorted, an amused glint in his eye made an attempt to get past him, but he just grabbed my arm effortlessly. “Stop.” I groaned, pulling my arm back to myself. He gave me an apologetic look and his hands fell to his sides. “Look, I’m sorry. Can we talk?” he asked quietly.

“I can’t figure you out. I don’t know what you want from me, but forget it. I know I didn’t mean anything to you, it’s fine. I’m over it.” I blabbed, not even bothering to think before I spoke. His mouth settled into a frown and he crossed his arms. “What makes you think you didn’t mean anything to me?” he asked. I checked over my shoulder, making sure nobody would be overhearing our conversation. I bit my cheek and felt myself heat up under pressure. “I don’t know.” I finally said, unable to think clearly. Mr. Way checked behind him and pulled me behind the slim of the lockers. “Of course you mean something to me. I-I… You haven’t been around and…” he began, letting his gaze fall to the floor. Panic rushed throughout me and I feel the swirl in my stomach begin.

“What did you do?” I hushed. Gerard bit his lip and I let out a nervous breath. “What happened?”

“It was only a few times.” he whispered. I took a step back from him, forcing myself against the lockers. “And Mikey? Does he knew?” I whimpered, disappointed in him. “Of course not.” he answered. “Why?” I interrupted him. “You weren’t around, I felt like shit. It’s my fault that we’re… it’s my fault you’re not around and I thought that you’d never-”

“This isn’t the way you handle things!” I shouted. The moment’s silence was interrupted by footsteps coming towards us. Gerard took large step away from me, but it was too late.

“Uh…” the voice spoke.

Notes