Out There

Another half hour and Gerard and I were eventually back at the house. Mikey was in the lounge watching cartoons as we entered, and he got up to help put my bags in his room. “Mikey, why don’t we let Aeida sleep in mum’s old room?” Gerard asked, not passing my bag to Mikey who was reaching for it.

“Because that’s mum’s room… it’s got all her stuff in it.” Mikey replied, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

“She’s not coming back. Aeida is staying here, why not?” Gerard clarified. Mikey shrugged and mumbled ‘I guess’ then took my bag from Gerard and I followed him down the hall to a room I hadn’t been in, in all my years of being friends with Mikey.

I didn’t know about Mikey’s brother, I didn’t know about Mikey’s parents, I didn’t even notice this room. It made me uncomfortable how much I didn’t know about my best friend. He knew almost everything about me, except how crazy my mum was.

Mikey opened up the door to the bedroom door and I took in what was in front of me. In the center of the room, there was a queen bed covered in golden linen. In the corner, there was an empty white desk, next to that there was a white vanity covered with pictures of Gerard and Mikey. There was a sliding door wardrobe, which I assumed had their mothers clothes in it. On the right side of the room, there was a window covered by golden curtains, next to that there was a full length mirror. Other than the pictures on the vanity, it was a very clean room.

“If you’d rather stay in my room, I’m cool with that.” Mikey mumbled, looking around his mothers room. I wasn’t sure how I felt about staying in their mothers room, it seemed like a very intimate thing to do.

“Give her some privacy, Mikey.” Gerard sighed from down the hall. Mikey shook his head, put my bag on his mother’s bed and then met me at the door frame. “No boys allowed in if the door is closed.” he chuckled. I elbowed him in the the ribs and laughed. Mikey then made his way into his own room and shut the door. I’m sure he was glad to have privacy for himself as well. I entered the room cautiously, it even smelled undisturbed.

I put my bags on the floor, to the side of the bed when I heard the door shut behind me. I turned my head to see Gerard leaning up against the door. “You looking for something?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes actually.” he walked towards me and wrapped his arms around the back of my waist. “You.” he whispered into my neck. I let out a giggle and turned around and pretended to go in for his neck but quickly pushed him away. “What was that for?” he chuckled.

“Making me uncomfortable in the car.” I stated with a smirk.

“If me talking about sex makes you uncomfortable, we’ve got a lot to work on.” he mumbled to himself, looking at his shoes.

“Anyway, I’ve got an essay to work on, thanks to you.” I grumbled, turning away from him again.

“Lucky for you, you have a teacher that would have given you full marks even if you didn’t hand anything in.” he winked. “As long as you made up for it.” he winked. I gave him a confused look and folded my arms due to the cold. “I’ll let you off the essays if you let me sleep with you tonight.” he expanded. My eyes widened in shock and I instinctively shook my head.

“Not as in sex, Christ Aeida. I don’t even think of that.” he cussed. I didn’t know why, but that kind of hurt a bit. “You slept with Frank, you need to show that I’m more important to you than him. If you can sleep with him but not me, then we have another problem.” he said, rolling his eyes at me.

“You’re kinda pressuring me into this.” I shrugged, my eyes skitting away from him awkwardly. Gerard bit his lip and backed away from me a bit.

“I’m not going to make you do anything… what’s the difference between me and Frank? Me and Mikey? You’ve slept with him too.” he shot back defensively.

“Is this the reason you wanted me to have my own room? So you could come in here and lock the door whenever you wanted?” I hissed quietly, not wanting Mikey too hear. “And Frank getting into the same bed as me isn’t my fault. I’ve known Mikey for years, it’s not the same.”

Gerard let out a low breath and fixed his gaze to the small amount of light slithering out the window. “You don’t want to share a bed.” Gerard concluded, taken aback.

“If you weren’t being so forceful about it I wouldn’t mind it.” I retorted.

“Being forceful is my style.” Gerard chuckled darkly, sickly smiling to himself. I shuddered at the tone of his voice. “I’m never going to do something if you say you don’t want to, of course Aeida. But that’s not going to stop me from wanting it. But I won’t do it.” he said, as if he was arguing with himself.

“Can you just get out please. I’m not mad at you, I just want some space. Please.” I sighed, sitting myself down on the bed. Gerard stared at me a moment before turning to leave. I looked at the size of the bed. It was a lot bigger than the one Frank and I shared, and I wouldn’t have mind Gerard being on one side and me on the other, but he was asking so maliciously. That conversation scared me a bit. What did he mean by forceful?

**GERARD**

I left Aeida’s room angry with myself. I couldn’t control my tongue, and I couldn’t control my thoughts. I didn’t mean to scare her, but I made myself out to sound like a rapist. Not the impression I wanted to give off. I just didn’t want to have that thought in the back of my head saying that she’d done something with Frank and Mikey that she hadn’t done with me. I needed to be the main person in her life.

I shocked myself when the thought of threatening her came into my head. After all, I was her teacher and I had a heavy influence on her marks. That nearly slipped out. I knew she would have complied too- her marks were clearly important to her. But thankfully I didn’t. I concluded that I was going crazy. I had only been this possessive when I was really bad, with drugs and everything. My paranoia was incredible- that’s part of the reason I shut Mikey and our mum out of my life.

I sat in my own room and tried to ignore the paranoid thoughts racking my brain and focus on things for work. I glanced over to the drawer in my wardrobe, where I kept my medication. I wasn’t supposed to take it anymore- but it might help. I didn’t want to relapse, but this was a medical problem. That doesn’t count right?

Notes