Cybersex •frerard

"He was, fourteen years older than you?" Dr. Way asked me trying so very hard not to sound disgusted. He was doing a great job, don't get me wrong. But his eyes said differently. I wasn't sure. Maybe I read them wrong, but they seemed pretty discomforted by my statement.

"That's what he said. Twenty seven." I replied. Come on, people! Twenty seven isn't that old!

For a thirteen year old it was...

Oh shut up!

"Did it scare you?" Dr. Way snapped me out of my thoughts.

Did it scare me? Was it really a feeling that made me... Scared? I mean, I felt a little shocked. Kind of skeptical at first. I had never had such a friendly conversation with a twenty anything year old man. Fuck, nobody even referred to me as a man. I was always the kid. And it sucked. The weird thing was, even Ray and Gee called me kid. I should've really told them to stop, but I didn't wanna lose them as friends.

"No." Was my answer.

"It didn't scare you?"

"I had a friend. I had people to talk to. I wasn't alone. It didn't scare me. It... Well he..." I sighed. "Enticed me." Dr. Way nodded as I looked up with a very noticeable blush. I even felt the blood boil to my cheeks, and my face was hot. I was being so limited in telling him the things that went down, and the things he said. The words that will forever stick with me. The actions that are stained on my body because of him. The feeling of a real rush, adrenaline pumping, stomach tingling fucking rush.

And if I could be totally honest with you, I regret nothing, and want it all back.

When I say enticement, I guess that wasn't for a while. But we were kind of skipping around the story. I really wanted to get Dr. Way to let me explain the story exactly from beginning to end, so that he didn't jump to conclusions.

"How did he entice you, Frank? Did he say seductive things?" I answered honestly.

"No. Not at first." I stated simply. "At first, he acted normal. It went on normal for a little while. Well, a long while." I thought back to the conversations we would have normally. The old normal conversations we would have. The normal changed after a while, but I told Dr. Way the less embarrassing conversations we would have.

"A lot of times, he would just let me vent about most if not all my problems. Our topics were always about me. I was the main character in our story. It revolved around me. And he would tell me this, causing my stomach to get butterflies. In my life outside of the chatroom, it was never about me. Nobody noticed me. But Gee only let our discussions circulate on me.

"Sometimes I would feel like I was annoying him, always talking about me. Even though he's the one who would always ask the questions about me, and nag to know more about me. I even said 'me' too many times already. I would often times try to learn about him. But every time I asked a question about him or his life, he would find a way to blow off the question." I ranted, looking to Dr. Way for a sign to go on every once in a while. He would just nod, having the knowledge that I had more to say. Probably by my anxious facial expression.

"That's very understandable. Your feelings about it. Outside, you were alone. But Gee provided you with this feeling of being wanted." Dr. Way reworded it like he normally does. Probably just to clarify what I had said. I tend to rant too much that most people will end up loosing track of what the topic was in the first place. I nodded my head at him.

"Did it ever bother you, or make you nervous, skeptical that he never talked about himself?" He asked me, crossing his legs and pursing his lips in a concentrated manor. I pondered his question like I always do, trying hard to answer one hundred percent truthfully.

"Well, kind of. A lot of the times I convinced myself that it was because he was just being nice. I wondered why he didn't want to talk about himself." I replied, my eyebrows knitted together in remembrance.

"Did you ever find out why he never liked to talk about himself, Frank?" There was a long pause while I thought back to it.

"Yes." Dr. Way nodded. I'm guessing he understood that I didn't want to tell him the reason why, so he just slyly moved on to the next question.

"What were some of the questions he would ask about you?" I thought once again. Not because I couldn't remember, but because he had asked so many questions, and I tried to think back to my favorite one he asked....

~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~

Gee: so, kid. What is your absolute favorite animal?

Frankenstein: dogs, of course. I want to get one so bad, but my parents said it would be too much trouble, and they hate fur.

Gee: well, if we ever meet in person, I promise I'll get you a puppy. A nice kid like you deserves a little something special. Especially because of all the shit you have to put up with in your school.

I blushed from behind the screen. That was the first time he had ever mentioned us meeting in person. It made my heart flutter when he said he would actually buy me a puppy. And it made a knot in my stomach, in a good way, when he said I deserve it for putting up with school. I knew he probably wouldn't actually get me a puppy, but the thought was beautiful. He was thoughtful...

Frankenstein: aw, Gee... You're really sweet.


Gee: nah hun. You are. You're like as sweet and innocent as a pansy flower.

I giggled and covered my face with my sleeve covered hands. Yes, I always pulled my sleeves down over my hands. I don't know why. Habit. It was also the first time he called me 'hun.' It was weird. Just, one night he's acting like we're just buddies, then the next he's making me blush every five seconds. That's probably why this was my favorite question. It wasn't just a simple, innocent question. It was the start of 'us.'

~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~

"Thank you, Frank. For being so open this session. I believe we're making some progress." He said and smiled at me, to which I shyly returned. "I will see you next week, at 6:00. You have a good night, Frank." He smiled once more, opening the door to his office for me, then the door to the small, almost closet sized lobby where my parents waited.

"Bye..." I almost whispered. I always felt more awkward around my parents nowadays. Probably because I knew that they thought so differently of me now. They knew my innocence was gone. I'm not sure they wanted to believe it though. Dr. Way nodded and waved at my parents.

"He did very well today. Very, very well. Here's the appointment card for next week." He said softly, handing a small card with his information on it to my parents. On the back though, it had the date for my next appointment.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Way. We'll see you next week." My mother said gently, taking the card and resting it in her red leather purse.

"Goodbye." Dr. Way said before closing the door. My mom wrapped her arm around my shoulder, and kissed the top of my head. I tried to unnoticeably wiggle out of her grasp, but it was firm, like she thought I was just going to disappear at any moment.

The three of us walked out of the door and over to our car which was parked right in front of the entrance to the very small building. Climbing in the backseat, my short legs lifted me up. I buckle myself in as my dad started the car and we made our way back home.

I felt really disappointed every time we went home. I hate home. And that's sad to think. People are supposed to love home. But it just felt like a house. Not somewhere I really wanted to live and spent most of my time at.

I really couldn't wait until I was older and could drive, cuz by that time, all this shit would've passed, and I would be able to go out and spend time away from my parents. Even if I just went out alone. It would be better than being stuck here.

The ride was pretty silent, expect for my parents attempting to lighten the mood and ask me how the appointment went. I answered with a simple 'good.' But that wasn't really good enough for them.

"Well what did you two talk about?" My dad asked. I tried to decipher his mood, which was really hard to do. I could never tell if he was in a good mood or a bad mood, so I was always walking on thin ice with him. Sometimes he would be joking, and I didn't know it, so he would get upset if I took the joke seriously when really, I just couldn't tell.

"A lot of things. The age difference between me and you know who, the conversations we would have, I don't know. A lot." My parents both sighed and looked at each other. I slid lower in my seat, trying to act like I could disappear and I looked out the window at the passing scenery. I wanted to rid myself of all this humiliation I felt every single day. It was driving me insane. My anxiety level has increased tremendously. I wake up to anxiety every day, and night. The rest of the ride home was complete and utter silence. It was almost painful...

~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~••~•~

That night, as I sat on my bed, I looked out the window. It was beginning to get dark, and a storm was obviously on it's way. We get storms a lot, considering we live east of a lake, and the weather travels east.

I looked at the way the leaves on the trees rustles quickly, and the way branches began to shake violently.

Gee had once said life is like a storm. It can destroy things.

That thought led me to think about Gee again. I missed him so fucking much... But whenever I thought about the times we shared, it made me feel a little bit better. At least I had the memories. I always replayed them in my head, and it seemed real to me.

Notes

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. My stomach hurts right now cuz I rode a bike.