Cybersex •frerard

"I don't know where to start..." I spoke soft and low. The vibrations of my voice still felt forgiven, considering I haven't spoken a single word in weeks...

"It's okay, just start with your name, hun." My new therapist, Dr. Way said.

Hun...

"D-don't call me that..." I said shakily, lowering my head to look at my quivering knees. Now boney and weak...

"I'm sorry. I won't call you anything that makes you uncomfortable. But please, tell me your name so I can just call you that, yeah?" Dr. Way asked softly, pushing his glasses up from the bridge of his nose. I nodded cautiously and told him.

"Frank. My name is Frank." I said.

"Well, Frank. Lets just start from the beginning. Shall we? What caused you to start all of this?" He asked, leaning forward in his black chair that could spin. I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes. This has to be a dream... I can't believe this is happening... They found out... Everyone knows...

"W-when I was thirteen... Seventh grade. Around October. I started to..." I said and stopped. I wasn't sure if I was really ready to talk about this... Not that saying that would help me. According to everyone else, talking about the problem and getting it out of my system is supposed to help. Well maybe I'm different and want to keep it bottled up!

"Take your time, Frank." Dr. Way hummed, lightly chewing at the end of his black ball point pen.

"I, I guess you could say I began to find myself. I found clothes that I felt comfortable in. I felt at home. My music taste improved tremendously. I discovered that I like boys, I-"

"You, you're gay?" Dr. Way asked with a raised eyebrow. Great. Another homophobe. I starred at him angrily. My eyes dark and hollowed at his surprised tone of voice.

"Frank, it's okay. Your parents just told me... Never mind... Proceed." He said shaking his head.

"Yeah. They said I'm not aloud to be who I am. I already knew that. It's not changing anything. As soon as I turn eighteen, I'm gone. Out of their house, lives, protection forever." I said the word protection like it was a curse. That's always what they told me. We're doing this to protect you, Frank. We care about you too much to continue letting you hurt yourself. News flash. I was helping myself. You're the ones who are hurting me. I would snap back.

"No, Frank. They just highly disagree with homosexuality. They didn't raise you that way, they don't expect you to be that way." Dr. Way defended. I heard that all before...

"Don't defend them! I know my parents better than you, and I'm just not aloud to be myself. Period. End of story. Complete. Done." I ranted. He just sat there, calm as the clouds. It made me kind of annoyed, yet slightly comforted.

"Okay, Frank. Back to the story?" He spoke, pushing his mousy brown hair out of his face.

"W-well. I was, to say the least, different. Everyone was exactly the same. Same clothes, same music, same hair, same phones, same shoes, grades, everything. It was like I was in zombie land. It sucked." I admitted tiredly.

"Mhm. You felt outcasted from everyone else. I understand." He nodded, writing down what I was saying. I nodded and took his silence as my que to continue.

"And, everyone just kinda, shut me out. Y'know? Kids who I thought were my friend began to stop talking to me, leaving me out, not sitting with me at lunch, making up excuses like, 'I promised Emily I'd sit with her, today!' And the rest of the week, apparently..." I said, my voice cracking at the memories. "And eventually, it got so bad...I just didn't have anyone. Everyone else had their own new friend groups. I just kinda sat next to them awkwardly. Eating alone. Sometimes I'd cry. In front of everyone. But nobody noticed. Nobody paid attention to the weird emo kid. I was practically invisible..." I said looking down, a single tear falling from my glazed over eyes. I looked up at Dr. Way. He was just nodding, looking at me sympathetically.

"I needed someone to talk to...anyone. Anything...the loneliness got so bad. I felt like I was going insane..." I said, never meeting Dr. Ways eyes.

"I went home one day, and nobody was home. So I went in my basement, and found this little black case. I don't really know what I was doing down there. I was just bored. Anyways, I opened the black case, cuz I thought it was pretty." I chuckled.

"But, once I opened it, it was a deer knife. It looked sharp. So I took it to my arm..." I said. I heard a little noise come from Dr. Way, causing me to look up at him. He looked sad. Sympathy written all over his face.

"I-I just kept slashing and slashing... I wanted to feel something... The cuts weren't even deep. Just scratches. But they littered my entire arm... And I had to wear long sleeves. Like, all the time.... Except one time... I went to school with shorter sleeves, and I just didn't think about it." I looked at my arms. Now blank. Nothing there but plain skin. I smiled slightly and continued.

"My friends told me to stop trying to be so emo like the bands I listen to..." I said, wiping the stray tears staining my cheeks. "It hurt so bad..." I whispered.

"I understand. I could only imagine how traumatizing it must've been..." Dr. Way said sadly. I laughed at his stupidity.

"That was the least traumatizing moment out of this story..." I admitted.

"Would you care to share the next moment?" Dr. Way smiled brightly, making me smile shortly.

"Well, I just wanted a friend. Someone to talk to. Make me feel like I'm not completely alone and invisible. So, I went on a chat room."

"What happened when you logged in to the chat room, Frank?" Dr. Way asked me in a concerned voice.

"Well. I remember I chose to make my username 'Frankenstein', y'know cuz-"

"Yeah, yeah cuz you're name is Frank. Clever." Dr. Way said smiling.

"Yeah."

"So, tell me more?" He nudged. I was so fucking nervous. But, I guess after going through what I had, anyone would be. I wasn't really sure how counseling was going to help me. This tall skinny lanky guy called my counselor was what? Gonna make my life one hundred percent better? By the knowledge in my own head, I think I would know what will help me and what won't. Even though this Dr. Michael Way seemed familiar to me, in a soothing way, he definitely was not going to fix me. It was impossible. Despite my hatred for the situation I was forced upon, I proceeded with my story.

"My family, they're kind of closed up. There's open clams, and closed clams. We were glued shut. I hadn't ever been exposed to things sexually. Like-" I paused and looked up at Dr. Way, asking for permission to discuss something so uncomfortable. He raised both his eyebrows and nodded his head in a continue motion.

"Like, I didn't know what a cock was, or... Or cum, so much more, but yeah. I had never jerked off or even gotten an erection. God, this is so awkward..." I sighed heavily, holding my beet red face in both my hands. I couldn't believe this! This was so unfair! Why do I have to be so abnormal? I don't know of any other kid in my school or age who has been through this. I'm disgusting and I deserve to die...

"Frank, it's okay. Honestly. You're not alone here. I'm here to help you. What is said in here stays in here. Unless it endangers you or your loved ones. But this isn't harming anyone. Yes, it seems like it's embarrassing, but just know I'm not judging you one bit. Who knows, maybe I could've gone through something similar." He states, smiling at me sympathetically. My body relaxed. I don't know, I kind of liked this Dr. Way. For some reason, I trusted him...

"W-what happened with you?" I asked curiously. I couldn't imagine anyone even being in a situation similar to me. I kind of felt good knowing he might've been through something like this.

"Ah, that's for me to tell you once you get your story out. I promise though, Frank. Ill tell you after we get through your story. For now, just start off from where you were. You weren't exposed to such sexual behavior, and...?" He said, writing down on his notes sheet. I sighed once more before continuing.

"And I was really confused. I kept getting these pms, private messages, saying these vulgar things. Half the time I didn't even know what it meant. I just played along, though. I didn't even know it was so sexual..." I shivered, rubbing my arms with the hands on the opposite arms. Dr. Way just nodded, making eye contact every once in a while then returning to writing on his paper.

"So, you entered the chat room, and you were shocked by reality. What the Internet really is. It's scary." He said nodding, looking at me knowingly. Never once judging me for my actions. At least I didn't think he was. Who knew what he was thinking...

"E-exactly." I whispered.

"Well, Frank. Thank you very much for being so open today. Our time has seemed to run out. Let me go get your parents so we can schedule you some more appointments ahead of time, yeah?" He asked, gathering his papers, slipping them in a manilla folder, then labeling the tab, 'Iero' with his black ball point pen. I nodded, really to myself considering he wasn't even looking anymore.

He stood up out of his chair and headed for the door. I waited for a few moments, still rather scared and unsure of what was to happen next in my miserable life. I was glad my parents weren't mad at me anymore, but I was upset that they were so fucking scared and couldn't even leave me alone for five seconds.

Dr. Way came back in with my mom and dad, both of them looking at me like I was some broken puppy. I wasn't. And that's what pissed me off.

"Oh, my baby." My mom cried, sitting down on the large leather couch next to me, cradling me in her arms. I internally rolled my eyes but let her kiss my face all over. Dr. Way smiled at us and was holding out his black leather covered planner.

"Mr. and Mrs. Iero, I understand this is very hard for all of you. Frank, you may not know this now, but your parents really want what's best for you. They're hurting. For you. These sessions will help you. All of you. I guarantee it. Now, if we could schedule some appointments ahead of time so he can for sure get in. I believe a weekly appointment will do. I also think he really needs it. As we progress more, we can lower the number of appointments to, ohh, lets say once every two weeks?" Dr. Way suggested. My mom and dad nodded and said some quiet, "yes, that'll do just fine."

"Okay, lets see...do do do do doo..." Dr. Way hummed, skimming his planner. "Ah, I have next Tuesday open, exactly a week from today, at 1:00, 3:30, and 6:30. Any of those good for you?" He asked looking up through his glasses.

"Uh, I think 6:30 will do. I don't want Frank to miss school or anything. He just switched to a new one." My mom said, smiling at me and kissing my head.

"Ugh.." I mumbled. I think Dr. Way was the only one who caught it, because he peeked at me and smirked.

"I heard. Are you enjoying your new school, Frank?" He asked smiling.

"It's just peachy." I replied bluntly. I mean, it was okay. It was school. But it was better than my old school...

"I'm glad to hear that. So, 6:30 next week. Ill see you then." Dr. Way smiled brightly, giving us out appointment card.

Notes

hellu. I see I have some readers. :3 thank you.

-mind freak