6-20-1998
I can't remember what happened last night after I got home from the bar, but it must have been pretty fucking bad. Mikey won't even look at me, he's been up in his room almost all day and I can hear him crying! I must have done something to hurt him and I feel like shit, especially 'cause I can't even remember what it was... All I remember is getting shitfaced and stumbling home which isn't the smartest thing to do in Jersey, after that it's all blank. I woke up tucked in my bed and in my pajamas, meaning that Mikey must have taken care of me again so mom and dad don't find out. Aww man, I love my brother to death and it's killing me that I hurt him somehow! And I ran out of my anti-depressants today... Fuck!

I stared into the journal, this was someone's life I was reading, someone that had lived here before my mom and I came along. I felt like a child sneaking into the kitchen to get a cookie in the middle of the night, this felt so wrong to be reading, like an intrusion of privacy. Which really it was, these were someone's private thoughts and feelings I was reading, but they were long gone and I didn't even know who they were so was it really that bad? It could be worse.

7-5-1998

Once again I'm sitting here with a bottle of Jack and a handful of Xanax. You'd think that after high school it would have gotten better, that all of the hurtful name-calling and vicious attacks would stop but no, I'm just to much fucking fun to toy with! So much for college kids being more mature. Again with the fat jokes, again with the shoving, the taunting, the sneering, and the rejection. I'm just some fat, disgusting waste of human life. Well, fuck that, fuck all of them! I'll get my fucking revenge one day, one day I'll be the one envied, the one that they'll come crawling to and I'll spit in their fucking faces and scream 'FUCK YOU!!!'. Then they'll realize what they've done, they'll regret what they did and try to apologize but I won't fucking accept. One day maybe I'll be a vampire, then I could attack them all. I'm already pale enough, revenge-seeking enough, the only people I care about are my family, Mikey, Mom, Dad, and Grandma. But vampires are beautiful and I am just some ugly, piece of shit. Well the words keep slipping off the page so I suppose I should put this away for the night..

This person apparently didn't have the best time during their life. Sadly, it reminded me of myself and how I had turned to alcohol to numb the pain most of my teenage years and the fact that I was still taking anti-depressants, actually I took the same kind this person took, Xanax. I heard the door at the top of my stair case squeak open and hastily stuck the journal under my pillow as my mom walked down the steps.

"I know that you didn't exactly enjoy having to move here, so to make it up a little I got you a gift." My mom explained as she walked over and sat next to me on my large water bed. She handed me an envelope which I preceded to stare at stupidly, "Open it."

I carefully lifted the flap and shook the contents into the palm of my hand, it was a piece of paper. I cocked my eyebrow.

"Er, thanks mom?" She started laughing at me like I was some sort of idiot. Hello, I'm not the one giving a piece of paper as a present!

"Oh my, turn it over silly!" She said once she regained her composure. I flipped it to the other side to find that it was in fact a printed out ticket to a concert, more importantly a My Chemical Romance concert!

"Thank you!" I squealed, giving her a hug.

"I'm glad you like it, the concert's in two weeks on July tenth. Now, I'm going to head off to work seeing as it's nearly eight." I nodded and hugged her once more before she climbed back up the steps and closed my door. I couldn't believe that she had actually got me a ticket to go see my favorite band, it was completely amazing to think that in two short weeks I was going to be moshing around to my five favorite boys.