The glass of my life didn't just break. It fucking shattered int dust. I was never going to put it back together! I didn't want it back together! I deserved misery, pain, tragedy! I deserved it all! I fucking caused this, it was all my fucking fault! If I had driven more carefully that night he wouldn't be dead! If I had watched what I was doing that night!

I broke down into sobs still holding his hand. "I'm sorry Frank! I'm so so so sorry! I wish it was me and not you! I would give anything to trade you places!"

The doctor just looked at me. He said he unterstood my pain but there was no way in hell he could possibly have understood what it was like to watch the love of your life die because you fucked up. Unless you've been there yourself you can not understand what this sort of pain felt like.

My heart was broken into thousands of shards and I blacked out or something because the next thing I knew I was home in my own bed with Mikey and Ray sitting by my side.

"Oh good you're awake!" Mikey said faking a smile.

"That was quite a hard hit you took to the head." Ray said not trying to hide his pain over Frank's death.

"I don't care. I want to be with my Frankie again! Give him back! Make him come back!" I nearly screamed.

Mikey shook his head. "Gerard, he's not coming back. I don't know what you are going to do about it. But please don't do anything stupid, think about how Frank would feel if, while he was waiting for you at the gates of heaven, you had killed yourself because of him. Gerard you have to live for him not with him. Carry his memory with you."

Ray nodded in agreement. I started crying.

"But I wan't him back! It's my own damn fault anyway!" I sobbed.

Mikey rubbed my arm trying to force me to lay down.