Silence is my enemy. It gives me time to think and when the person you love with every fiber of your being is dying thats one thing you don't want to do, is think. It's like when you think you light the fuse to a time bomb and its just slowly ticking your time away. Tick, tick, tick.

And then soon it blows up. You watch your life shatter into pieces and you can't do anything about it, just pick it up and try again. Once you finally glue the bits back together it starts all over again.

I could feel my own time bomb ticking slowly. With every tick it got slower and slower and slower but never completly stopped counting down. I knew soon it was going to reach zero and I felt sorry for who ever I was going to be around when it did.

Watching Frank sleep kept the clock slowing, I was postponing the inevitable sure, but I wasn't going to leave Frank. Not when he was dying.

Thats right. He was dying, and I had caused it. My fault, it was my fault that he was going to die. The tears flowed fresh down my face as I held his hand. The heaviness of the word weighing down on my shoulders, pressing me to let go and let my time bomb explode and not put things back together as best I could.

I was tempted to let it win. I wanted to let go, to make it just stop. For me, for Frank, for everyone. I held onto what I had when I had it but once I lose Frank it is game over. Life over, the end.

I sighed. "Frank, I can't keep you alive much longer. Please get better soon baby. I'm trying, I really am, but I cant keep you alive forever. I'm trying my hardest. Please don't leave me. I love you."

At the end of the sentence my tears had threatened to become out of control and they choked me off.