The Ghost From Our Past

I had fallen asleep again in the car, feels like that's all I ever do now is sleep. It's not even because I'm tired, just a way to escape reality. Escape my past and my problems, just dream of a better time like with Gerard. He was always on my mind, I really did love him and for some reason he felt the same. I suppose it's true what they say, "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return".

My sleep was interrupted by Matthew and Syn talking. I kept my eyes closed and listened to what they were saying. First one I heard was Matt speaking.

"So did you have sex with her?"

"Of course I did and she loved every second of it. Her body trembled to my touch and I made her mine."

"I could kill you Syn."

"Than just do it already Matt, you won't though." Now I opened my eyes before something happened. It was my turn to talk.

"Stop it, both of you just stop." It became silent and I loved it. I noticed we were still in town, businesses and homes around us. "We're still in California?"

"Yes, just about near Nevada. We have to make one more stop before we leave this state though. Shy, you and I will be changing our appearances. That's what's in the sack, I got hair dye, scissors, shaver and a few other things. They won't look for our past selves, only what we look like now."

So there it was, I was going to look like myself again. I actually couldn't wait, I had missed my choppy dark hair and blue eyes. It's what Gerard fell in love with, and I wanted to be Shiloh again. He found a very cheap motel that you pay by the hour. Matt got one room, he helped Syn walk to it and I carried James.

While walking past a few if the rooms I could hear loud moaning and knew this was probably frequented by hookers and their clients. Once inside I opened some kitty food and let James out of his crate. My stomach was growling, "Matt? Can we get some food after this?"

He came out of the bathroom and kissed me. "Of course we can sweetie. Now come on, let's get to work." Syn was sitting on the bed, I stared at him hoping he didn't hate me too much. Matt had me sit on the toilet seat, first he cut my hair and I could feel the weight difference. He would stop and look before cutting more, trying to make it look as good as he could.

Once he was done he had me look in the mirror to check. It wasn't actually that bad for someone with no experience. "You like it?" I nodded and ran my hand through the choppy locks. "Take out those contacts now, let's see your blue eyes." So I did and I was starting to see Shiloh again as Emily faded away.

"I can color my own hair if you want to start on yourself."

"Great idea." As he started to shave off his beard first, I mixed the hair dye up and was shaking the bottle. It was cold on my head, my fingers gathering all my hair into the dye. Using my fingertips I scrubbed my scalp with the dye, making sure I got every inch. Now I had to wait about thirty minutes. While I waited Matt finished shaving and was cutting his long hair off.

Without the hair covering his face anymore I noticed the scar over his right eye. I had forgotten about it until now, first time I saw it was on the news when they showed a recent photo. "Matthew?"

"Yes?"

"How did you get that scar on your right eye? I mean obviously you got it in prison, right?" Matt continued to cut his hair while he answered.

"It was in prison, I got into a fight with someone and they took their homemade weapon and cut me. Of course I took care of him myself, I might have this scar but at least I'm still alive." The alarm went off making me jump.

"Well guess I'll go rinse off the hair and dye." He grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"I'll join you, almost done cutting my hair. Go get some clean clothes for us." I went into the main part of the room, Syn was watching me.

"Your real name is Shiloh?" I nodded. "I still love you." That last part came in almost a whisper and I kneeled by him.

"I love you Syn, I'm so sorry about all of this." I kissed his cheek trying to not get dye on him. Than I found clean clothes and went back into the bathroom. Matt was already naked and he closed the door behind me. He placed the clean clothes on the counter, then kissed my lips with force.

The water was warm as it cascaded down on us. First he washed the dye out of my hair for me. Then he scrubbed my body with soap, taking his time in certain areas. Once we were both washed I jumped out if the shower quickly, knowing what he wanted. I wrapped my towel around me, put my glasses back on and grabbed my clothes and went into the main room with Syn. Matt followed behind me, towel wrapped and clothes in hand.

"Syn, why don't you wash up as well." Matt took his knife and cut the tape off Syn's hands. "Take your time, no need to rush back out here." As soon as the bathroom door shut and the water started, Matthew was on me. Attacking me with kisses, his hands all over my body. Even though I had just showered I was feeling dirty with every touch.

"Matt, stop. I'm not doing this with you again." I moved away from him and started getting dressed, he watched every move I made with such intensity. My mind told me to be prepared for him to rape me again, but I wasn't going to let that happen. Not without a fight, I'm so sick and tired of acting weak lately.

Soon his hands were wrapped around my waist, he was still in just a towel. "Now Shiloh, you love me and I know you want to do this. You're feeling the same desire and lust I am. You told me you loved me."

I turned around fast and shoved him away from me. "I don't love you, when I said that I was confused. My mind hated being with you so much it placed me with someone else that night."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that night I didn't want you, it would be considered rape because I said no."

"You loved it, I heard your moans. Fuck Shiloh you practically were begging for more."

"Not from you though, like I said my mind placed me with someone else. It wasn't you I was having sex with, far from it actually."

"Do tell who you were fantasying about."

"First it was Syn, his voice was in my ears and he was the one on top of me. But you know what? That wasn't who I finished with, the person who I love the most was who I said 'I love you' to."

"Who the fuck would that be?"

"Gerard Way, yes that's right even after all these years he's still the one I want."

"You wouldn't know what it's like to have sex with him so guess what princess it was still me." I couldn't help but laugh at his statement. "What's so funny?"

"Matthew, you're so wrong. I do know what it's like to be with him and do you know how? Because Gerard and I had sex, not even that. What we did was passionate, lustfilled and better then anything I've ever experienced. We wanted each other for so long and he was perfect, unlike you."

So I was trying to hurt him by finally revealing the truth. What I didn't want to do was hurt Syn, who was know standing at the bathroom door wrapped in his towel. He had heard everything and now I felt the guilt wash completely over me.

"Syn....I...." Next thing I knew I was on my knees holding my stomach from the punch Matthew had given.

"Well Shiloh that was quite the speech. Maybe you are still the little whore, just like before. What do you think Syn?"

I looked up at Syn and tried to read how he was feeling. There wasn't anything there though. Syn didn't look hurt, sad or even angry.

"Maybe you need another lesson, I guess the one Zacky and I gave you wasn't good enough." There it was, I wasn't going to just let it happen though. I knew it was coming, I was expecting it but what I didn't expect was what Syn said after Matthew.

"You know I think you're right Matt."

Notes

So I want to apologize for my absence but hopefully with three updates it will make it up to you wonderful people.

Killing Them Softly, Personal Assistant 2 and Tick Of Their Beating Hearts all got updated.

Again Im sorry, I just had a major writers block and I just didnt feel like writing anymore. However it has gone away and hopefully you all enjoy the updates.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT VOTE SUBSCRIBE AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!! ANY FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED PLEASE!!!