Only Hope For Me

After Frank left, I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and remembered. He was really adorable when he slept. He had wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my chest. It was really comfortable and fell asleep. He woke up and got the cutest blush on his face.

He was adorable.

Mikey walked down the stairs and looked at me. "Gerard, don't kill yourself. Please." He pleaded.

"Alright." I said. He nodded and ran up and hugged me really tight.

"I would miss you way to much, and I don't care what Ray says, You are my big brother and I love you." Mikey sniffed.

"I love you too Mikey." I said hugging him tighter.

"Alright. I'm going to bed." Mikey smiled at me and walked back up the stairs, wiping his tears away.

I don't know why but I started feeling guilty. Really guilty. Mikey would have lost his big brother. Mom and Dad would have lost their first born. Ohgodohgodohgod.

I knew what I had to do.

I walked into my bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Inside there was a tissue box and inside that was my stash of blades.

I took one out and slid it across my skin. I did it again. and again and again.

I was proud of this. I was supposed to be quitting. Bad habits die hard. OR they don't and you keep cutting in secret.

Yeah I like the first one better. I was starting to get light headed and I looked down at my arms.

"Holy shit, 26 cuts?!" I exclaimed.

Holy shit, I had never cut that much before.

"Shit, shit, shIT SHIT." I muttered, wrapping my arms in gauze. I had never really had to use it before.

I had never cut this much before. I looked at the skin and floor and all of it was covered in blood.

A lot of blood. Oh god.

"Mikey...." I whispered, collapsing to the ground. No this can't be happening.

"Gerard?" I heard in my room. Oh god, dad no.

"Gerard?" He asked, approaching the bathroom.

"GERARD!!!!" My dad cried when he found me in the bathroom. "Oh my god, Gerard." He said, slipping tears from his eyes. He cradled my body in his arms and hugged me close as he exited the room.

My grandma, Elena, stood in the corner of the room, smiling warmly at me.

"Dad, I see grandma." I whispered. He gasped. "No, Gerard, You look at me, you focus on me."

"DONNA! MIKEY GET IN THE CAR HURRY!" He yelled. "Gerard, focus on me don't close your eyes."

"Dad whats--GERARD?! NO YOU PROMISED ME!" Mikey cried.

"I wasn't trying to." I muttered lazily.

"I didn't think he'd actually do it." I heard Ray whisper in shock. "Oh my god." He muttered.

"Ray, I have to go. You can stay here, but if you do, search Gerard's room of any blades. Please do this for me." Mikey pleaded before running out the door, my dad following close behind.

"Gerard, don't close your eyes." Mikey warned.

Too bad, I'm tired.

Really really tired.

Really....tired.

And the world went black.

Notes