Only Hope For Me

School went by faster today now that I knew what I was going to do when I got home.

I was finally going to kill myself.

I had always wanted to, but never found a good enough reason. How was I going to do it? Obviously the same way I started. Two long slits on the wrists. It was proper and fitting. I'd do it with my shirt off so they could see my scars against my pale lifeless skin. I'd do it in the bathroom.

I had this shit planned out.

The matter was people seeing it, people knowing what I had done.

I wrote my suicide note.

Dear Mikey, Mom, and Dad,
I know this will be hard for you to realize that I'm gone, and never coming back. I want you to know that this isn't your fault. Not entirely. Its Grandma's death. It's the bullying. It's the pressure of school and wanting to get in to a good college. It's the fear of oblivion.
I'll see you on the other side.
xo
Geeeeeeee

"What are you writing, Gerard?" Bob asked me. I quickly hid my paper in my backpack.

"Nothing! Lets go home, Bryar!" I smiled. He looked at me strangely before linking my arm in his and walking down the road.

"Goodbye Bob." I sighed, hugging him for the last time.

"Goodbye Gee! See you tomorrow!" He smiled warmly at me before walking further down the road to his house.

I smiled sadly before entering my house. "Hey Mikey, where are you going?" I asked.

"Out with Ray, didn't think you'd want to come, because of the issues." Mikey rolled his eyes.

"Ray's rubbing off on you." I stated sadly.

"So, he's my friend." Mikey said before stomping out the door. I shook my head, he'd regret that when I'm gone.

I closed my eyes. I needed to be remembered by someone who didn't go to BHS or maybe not even in this town.

I walked downstairs and pulled out my laptop and google searched 'suicide hotline websites'

50 results came up and I settled on GetHelp.com

I was being pulled into a random chat with a random user.

You've been paired with the user 'Frnki:

Frnki: Hi dude! (:
Gway: I'm killing myself tonight, I want to be remembered by someone, anyone.
Frnki: Don't do it!!!!!!!
Gway: Why not!
Frnki: Because your family loves you and your friends! Please man.

This frnki character was starting to make me doubt killing myself.

Gway: Maybe your right.....
Frnki: Thats the spirit! Call me if you thinking like that again. 768-3330

I smiled to myself, before saving the number.

"GERARD?!"

Shit the note.

Notes