Only Hope For Me

It's been 3 months since I last saw Gerard, and let me get one point across, I was sadder, not happier. I thought that I wasn't happy with him, so I broke up with him after a lame excuse of a suicide attempt, and broke his heart. I have been texting and calling him all the time and he won't answer.

I miss him so much.

I don't deserve him, I know I don't but I really wish that I hadn't been stupid and broken up with him. It broke my heart to see it hurt him so bad. My mom was so mad at me. She lectured me for three hours saying how much Gerard loved me and how much he cared about. I was crying the whole time and calling myself an idiot for doing it. I really didn't know what had gotten into me.

I finally had the nerve to call Mikey. "Frank? What do you want?" He said, confused.

"I need to talk to your brother please. It's important." I said, happy that I got a hold of one of the Way brothers.

"Hey, uh, can you come over, there's something I want you to see..." Mikey said, quietly.

"uh, Yeah! Sure. I'll be over in 5." I smiled and got in my car, happy to have a chance at repairing me and Gerard's relationship. I got to the Way household and Gerard's car was parked in the driveway. I knocked on the door and a strange person peered through the window and called to Mikey.

"Hi Frank!" Mikey said smiling. "Oh, uh, this is Pete! My boyfriend." He said awkwardly. "Hey Mikes, Hi Pete." I said, awkwardly.

"So, the thing is, Gerard isn't himself and I don't know whats wrong with him. I know that you broke up with him, but I just think you were oxygen starved and didn't mean it, but everytime he hears your name he locks himself in his room and doesn't come out for three hours." Mikey said, shaking his head.

"I regret telling him I wasn't happy with him, because in actuality, it wasn't him. I wasn't happy with myself and I blamed Gee. I didn't mean it Mikey." I said, a lone tear slipping down my cheek.

"Alright, I believe you, I just need for you to go down there and see whats up. I will be forever grateful Frank." Mikey said, shoving me in the direction of Gerard's room. "I told him you were coming and he did that locking himself in his room bullshit." Mikey said, rolling his eyes, but handing me a key. "I took the key though."

I smirked and unlocked the door, and was hit by a very alcoholic smell. "Oh god..." I whispered, but made my way down the stairs and into his bedroom. He was against the wall, drinking out of a bottle of beer. "Gee?" I said, and his head shot up before looking back down.

He took a long drink and looked at me again. "Here to beat me up or something?" He slurred. I blinked at him before rushing over and taking the bottle out of his hand. "Gerard, what are you doing?" I whispered. "Drinking the pain away." He said, before halfheartedly shoving me away. I stayed put.

"Gerard, I didn't mean it I promise. I've been trying to call you since I got released from the hospital, I miss you so much." I whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek.

"Yeah, well, then what was making you unhappy?" He asked, looking a bit more sober.

"Myself, and I pinned the blame on you." I admitted. "Frankie..." He whispered, taking his hand and running it through my hair. "Mikey called me, he's worried about you." I muttered, leaning into his hand.

"I may have a slight drinking problem." Gerard giggled. I winced. "That's not funny Gee." I scolded. "Will you even remember this conversation?" I accused, narrowing my eyes.

"Yes! I haven't drank that much yet, though it has happened." Gerard muttered before looking at me in the eyes. "I don't think I can take another break up Frankie."

"I know, I know, neither can I." I whispered. He smiled. "Are you clean?" He asked me.

"I haven't tried to cut or kill myself. I've been making myself strong again." I said, smiling at him. "Good. I missed you." He said, burrowing his head into my shoulder. "I know bud, I know." I smiled and took him into my arms, surprised at the weight he was. "Have you eaten anything?" I asked.

"No, not really." He muttered in my shoulder. "Gerard....You need to eat." I scolded again. "Stay with me." I heard him whisper.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay for as long as you want." I said, and it was the truth. School is out and I'm not going back. It was senior year. I don't think I'm going to college, but if I don't and Gerard does, I'm following him where ever he goes.

"Frankie?" I heard him whisper. "Yes Gee?"

"Kiss me." He said, loud and proud. I smiled before settling my lips on his and wrapping my arms around his small frame. "I love you so much." I muttered, but he was already asleep and hanging on by a small thread.

"Gerard Way, I promise you, until the day I die by old age or something I cannot control, I will never stop loving you."

I heard him whisper. "May death never stop you and love me forever and always."

I smiled. Okay.

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