Only Hope For Me

What I was thinking as I cleaned myself off was, maybe Frank and I were going a little too fast.

I thought that I was ready for his hands touching me in areas I only usually touched but, it was all really sudden.

I gave him a couple of really good marks though. That was cool. I don't even know what me and Frank are though! Are we dating? Are we still just friends? Are we friends with benefits? I don't even know and its confusing the fuck out of me.

Like wow. Can you not.

I hurried and put on my clothes that clung to my damp skin from the wash cloth I just used. It was a really bad feeling. I marched up the stairs and Frank was just about to eat with his mom and my parents. Mikey was sitting at the table, not looking in anyone's general direction. Ray was there too, but I didn't really hate him anymore because he was nice to me now. Mikey was the idiot in the equation.

"Gerard! You're just in time for dinner." My mom beamed. She was getting really clingy lately and I couldn't help but think that Mikey should be being clingy as well.

He mumbled something under his breath. "I'm sorry Mikey, I didn't catch that." I said, daringly. His eyes shot open wide and he looked at me. It was the first time I had really spoken to him upfront without being told to.

"Uh. It was nothing." He said, going back down to his meal. My mom sighed and picked at her dinner.

She had made meatloaf tonight and it was amazing, nothing better than your moms meatloaf. I'm a meatloaf lover. Can I have some of Frank's meatloaf? I MEAN, what.

I heard Mikey mumbling things under his breath. Then I heard it 'fucking fags'. Oh it is on like donkey kong.

"Mikey, can you please share what you said with the table?" I asked, nonchalantly.

"Uh--you heard me?" He asked, wide eyed.

"Yeah I did, are you going to tell anyone else, or should I do it for you."

He glared at me.

"You know what Gerard? You are a fucking fag who is a horrible excuse for a brother and I wish you weren't my brother so I wouldn't have to see your fucking face." He yelled.

Linda Iero's eyes widened. "Frank go get in the car, we need to leave and let them sort it out as a family." I could tell Frank didn't want to leave.

"Alright ma." He said, stuttering and wide eyed. I let my face fall to the ground and held back tears. Didn't expect that to come out of my brothers mouth.

"Micheal Way!" My mom gasped when she came out of shock. My dad glared in his direction.

"Gerard, honey, please go down to your room so we can talk with your brother." My dad smiled in my direction.

"A-a-alright." I stuttered out and looked at my brother. He flicked me off.

That let the tear gates flow. "I'm so sorry, I know its true and you hate me and I understand. No one should like me anyways." I screamed, while sobbing.

Mikey didn't expect that, I don't think anyone did.

"Gerard, honey calm down, I'll be right down there alright?" My mom said sympathetically.

"Yes mom." I said, calmly. I needed to get out of here, this world, this life.

I can't deal with the stress of this anymore. It's too much its all too much.

I heard my father screaming at Mikey while I went to my bathroom, grabbed my sharpest razor, and ran back up the stairs to lock the door quietly. I went back down, made a cut and wrote on the wall 'Goodbye' in my blood. It was kind of melodramatic but whatever. I called Frank, who I realized hadn't left the driveway.

"Hey Gee? You alright?" He asked.

"Goodbye." I said.

"Gerard what do you--MOM STOP THE CAR AND TURN AROUND DONT YOU FUCKING DO IT GERARD." He exclaimed and heard the car pull back in the driveway.

I hung up the phone and slit my wrists hard and fast. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was going to be over.

"Frank hon? Wha?" I heard the doorknob jiggle and then I heard crashes. It was all getting really fuzzy and I was now laying down on the floor, my wrists oozing blood.

"GERARD! TALK TO ME!" Frank screamed, I heard multiple bangs on the door and it opened Frank and Mikey coming down the stairs.

Frank stood there, tears falling down his cheeks. "Gerard...no."

"GEE! Please no, I didn't mean I didn't fucking mean it damnit. I was upset that you broke your promise. I never realized." Mikey whispered into my neck and held me.

"You're the best brother I could ever ask for." Mikey said so everyone could hear.

I smiled shakily.

"M-m-miss y-you." I stuttered out.

"I'll miss you too."

"I love you Gee, don't forget, please try to hold on." Frank pleaded, Mikey gasped but said nothing.

"Grandma?" I whispered to the ceiling.

"Gerard, please honey no."

Come to me Gerard.

Grandma?

Hello grandson, I just need you to close your eyes. Sleep. Just sleep.

Juuusssttt sleeeeeeeep.

Notes