Hopeless for ya

***
I decided to stay home the next day
"You doing alright Frank?" My mom knocks on the bedroom door
"Yeah just feeling under the weather" I reply as i open my window while taking out a cigarette
"Okay, well im going to work. Get better honey"
Once i heard her leave i lit my cigar
breathing in the smoke made me feel alive again.
suddenly thoughts of Gerard filled my mind, i became more sad by the minute
uugh i miss you gee.
All i actually wanted was to spend the day with him in my bed, im not saying to have sex but just to cuddle or make out .. that'd be great
I came to the conclusion that the only way to make that happen was to call him up or yknow text him cause he might be in class
me: Hey Gerard? After your class can you stop by my house?
Gerard<3: Hi. Hi, i thought you were trying to ignore me by not showing up
me: No .. no i miss you & your lips /.\
Gerard<3 is typing...
I took another hit before checking my texts
Gerard<3: Miss you too hun, & Yeah be there in a minute just this girl was hitting on me during class and i tried to ignore her but she ended up kissing me and then stuff got out of hand
I stared at my screen in shock
What if i was just his experiment?
What if yesterday didnt even matter to him?
A whole lot of 'what ifs' filled my head as i threw my phone across my room and fell to my knees.
I sat on my ground crying until i heard knocking coming from my front door
I stood up and looked out my window. Gerard was standing there knocking some more
Seeing Gerard made me cry harder
Im guessing gerard could hear my sobs and looked up, I quickly ducked down.
Soon after i heard the front door shut and walking upstairs, I ran for my door locking it
"Frank!?" Gerard yelled knocking on my door
I looked through the peek hole
Gerard's neck was full of hickeys
I gasped
Thats fucking disgusting, why did i even like him in the first place
"Go away" I said stifling sobs
"Let me in ..Please!" Gerard said
"I said fucking go away!" I yelled throwing my lava lamp at the door

***
I panicked when i heard glass crashing onto the ground
"Frank!" I yelled
What if he got cut by the glass? Or fell down and couldn't get back up?
I cant just leave him like this, i gotta see if he's okay.
I heard stifled sobs from the door
My legs let out and i sat in front of the door waiting for him to calm down
my ears caught the sound of the door unlocking, i quickly stood up and opened the door
There in front of me i saw Frank with blood shot teary eyes, hair a mess and bloody knuckles, I felt tears swarming in my eyes
suddenly I felt Frank's weak arms wrap around me, I hugged back tight
"I fucking hate you .. how could you let that happen" Frank cried into my chest
"Frank im so sorry, it just happened i didnt know what to do afterwards, i didnt have sex with her i promise!" I mumbled
Hopefully he believes me .. if not than i dont know what i'll do
"Frank i understand that your upset but please stay in my life ... i need you" I cried squeezing him tighter
Frank carefully walked me towards his bed and pushed me onto it .. literally
I positioned myself so i was lying down correctly on his small ass bed
He quietly climbed beside me and put his head on my chest
"Im sorry" I sighed.
I begin to play with his hair until he falls asleep
He looks so peaceful and cute and just .. perfect
why'd i have to hurt him? He's just so innocent.
Reminding myself that he's mine now and i need to take responsibility, i wrap my arms around him and i drift off into a deep sleep

Notes

This sucked.
Sorry!
I have lots of school work holding me down so ill try to do a update tonight!