How the misery begins

"Dude where the fuck have you been?" Mikey yelled as I got closer.
"I...was with bob...we skipped school" I panted breathlessly.
"do you honestly think skipping school on your first day is the best thing to do?"
"no, I-I just got mad" I stared down at my shoes, feeling embarrassed.
"well I don't think mom's gonna be too pissed off with you, just explain to her that you got angry and I'm sure she'll be fine"
Mikey gave me a reassuring pat on the back as we climbed into the back of the vehicle.
"took you long enough" Gerard muttered under his breath.

We drove home in silence, none of us had anything interesting to share anyway. I kicked my shoes off as we got inside and walked hastily to my room. After shutting the door, I looked around the bedroom, the one I had gotten so used to, and my gaze landed on pansy. She was in the corner on a black stand, I never put her in a case, it felt as if she wasn't there and I didn't like that feeling. I paced over to her and picked her up, being extremely careful as always. I put the strap around my neck and over one shoulder, then began to strum. It wasnt long before I realised I had been singing 'Bullet With Butterfly Wings' and I blushed to myself, thankful no one else was around to see my embarrassment. I played for a little while longer, then put pansy back on her stand and looked in the mirror. I had dark circles around my eyes, but they were always there no matter how much sleep I got. Walking around the room, I decided to go see mikey, then opened my door and paced down the hall to his room.

I knocked on the door, noticing the flecks of black paint peeling off of the wood. I watched them intensely as they fell from the door and floated effortlessly onto the blood red carpet below. I Imagined myself falling the same way I had a month earlier, how I hopped i would end my misery and shrink slowly into oblivion. Needless to say, I was grateful for what I was given, a second chance. A second chance with a stable home, and a (partially) lovingly family, and I was cared for and well looked after. But there was still that small shred of hopelessness, a shred no bigger than one of the flecks of paint from mikeys old, worn out door. A small part of me wanted it to just be over. A part of me wished that my attempt hadn't failed, that the stupid safety wasn't on, and that I could have been successful just once in my life.
Mikey answered eventually and woke me from my thoughts. Beckoning me to come in, he turned down his stereo and hopped down cross legged on his bed, then motioned for me to sit down next to him while looking up expectantly. I stood still in the doorway looking down at the floor, when suddenly I felt my cheeks begin to grow hot and damp. I raised a hand and wiped my face, as the black eyeliner coated my fingertips, I realised that I had been crying. A stream of hot tears made their way down my face and I did my best to wipe them away with my sleeves. I heard soft footsteps coming towards me, and soon mikey had his thin arms wrapped around my small, shiver frame I didn't bother to leave his grasp, it felt nice having someone who cared.

"hey...hey, calm down. Everything is gonna be okay, I'm not going to let anything happen to you, don't worry." Mikey cooed.
we stood in silence for a while, him just comforting me, holding me close, calming me down. It wasn't a romantic gesture, he kind of reminded me of my mom before the drugs, well the few memories I had of her. Some days I would come home and run straight to my room and cry about something or other that happened that day, then she would come upstairs with my favourite food, and sit with me until I stopped crying. She would ask me what happened, and I would tell her. She would lay down by my side and sing. She had the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard, she would sing 'Asleep' by The Smiths until I slipped away into unconsciousness. Those were the few memories I had left of my mother from before we moved, i treasured them, they were the only things I held onto in hopes that she could change. I was so naive. i actually thought she could change and become that woman again, the one who brought me my favourite food when I was upset, and hugged me until I stopped crying, the one who sang 'Asleep' by The Smiths until I felt no more pain. She was the mother I loved, but she left a long time ago, and she was never coming back.

"you wanna tell me what this is about?" Mikey asked.

Truth be told , I didn't really know what was wrong, I just felt completely helpless, like I was drowning. if that makes sense? But I asked him the first thing that came to mind.

"Mikey, why does your brother hate me?"

Notes

Slightly longer chapter,
hope you enjoy x