If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first hand what it's like to be me

Gerard’s POV

“But I think I might like you too.”

Did I really just say that? I might be gay but I’ve really got to stop falling in love with guys I’ve just met, but I honestly couldn’t help myself. He’s perfect. I feel like I can protect him because he’s smaller than me, and his hair, even though it’s, like, a mess, it’s an adorable mess. His lip ring suits him perfectly and his smile just lights up his whole face.

But what if he doesn’t actually like me? What if this is just a misunderstanding and he just likes me as a friend and feels comfortable around me?

God sake, Gerard! Why do you always mess things up like this? He’s probably going to hate you now! Just go back to being a loner!

“I-I’ve got to go to the, um, library. I need to take a book back,” I lied. I never go to the library, they never have any decent books and the librarian’s a massive slut. Instead, I stood up and made my way alone to the boy’s toilets in the art block. No-one ever uses those, so I should be okay. I sat in the corner and just cried. I cried at how much of a massive fuck up I am. I cried about how pathetic I was. I cried because probably my first and only friend is going to hate me, but most of all, I cried because everything Bob and his friends say are true. All of them, every single word and insult they’ve ever called me. I pulled at my hair aching for the pain that needed to be felt. I should’ve at least brought my scissors with me. Instead I left them at home. Stupid. I stopped crying by the time the bell sounded, indicating it was the end of lunch. I stood up and looked at how much of a mess I was in the mirror. I splashed some cold water over my face and dried it with those paper towel thingies they have to try and make myself look fairly decent for the next two periods. Music and maths. Fun.

Once I approved of my appearance, I left the art block and made my way to the music rooms. Music was basically just a free period unless you were doing something music related. I walked in to see Frank sitting at the back, earphones in and doodling in his notebook. I headed to the back next to him and got my notebook and iPod out. I stuffed my earphones in my ears and pressed play on shuffle, Green Day, American Idiot came up. I smiled at myself knowing this was my favorite song, and got a pen out my bag.

I’ve had some lyrics in my head since lunch, and was desperate to get them down. I scribbled them down and went through them in my head, making sure they were okay.

Well if you wanted honesty,
That’s all you had to say,
I never want to let you down or have you go,
It’s better off this way.

I chewed at the end of my pen thinking of some more. I should really stop doing this, it’s really unhygienic.

I heard something next to me, but the sound was muffled due to my earphones. I took one of the buds out and made a noise that was something like ‘hmm?’

“I said they’re good,” oh, right.

“Oh, erm, thanks,” I replied and went back to my own thoughts.

I basically done nothing else for the rest of the lesson. By the time the bell went, Frank was waiting for me, packing up his things. We walked out the school towards my house. I suggested the walking as I don’t want to risk the bus. Thankfully, it was only a forty-five minute walk, so it wasn’t too bad. Most of the journey was an awkward silence, with the occasional quick conversation.

As soon as we entered the woods, I instantly leaped up into one of the nearest trees, taking Frank by surprise.

“Come on!” I called down to him. He looked up and gave me a smile before attempting to climb up the tree I was sitting on. I laughed at his struggles and reached out my hand, helping him up. Thankfully he was fairly light, so I had no trouble holding onto him. He sat next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. I felt a pang of electricity shoot through my body, but just chose to ignore it. I’m getting good at that at the moment, to be honest.

“Why are you friends with me? I’m stupid,” I accidentally thought out loud. Frank lifted his head up and looked me in the eye, a sad expression on his face.

“You’re not stupid, what makes you think that?” He asked me quietly. I had to think about it for a minute, not wanting to sound more pathetic than I probably already do.

“Everything. Literally everything. You’re the first friend I’ve actually ever made in this school, throughout the whole three years I’ve been here, but I’m not sure if I’m able to keep friends or not. All my past friendships only lasted about a couple days, a week at most, before they got bored of me and found more interesting people to befriend. I constantly felt like I was wasting their time, like I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I’m not funny, I like completely different things to everyone else, I can’t keep conversations going, and I never feel like leaving my room, you know? Over the years I’ve become a depressed wreck who sits alone all day, every day, just hoping that Bob and co. won’t see me,” I was crying now. I hate dumping all my problems on people, because I know they’ll think I’m pathetic or weak, but I just do it anyway, in a hope they’ll be different. Frank didn’t say anything though, he just hugged me tight, arms around my waist. I hugged him back, and heard him whisper something like, “I don’t think you’re stupid, pathetic or weak, I honestly think you’re truly amazing.”

Notes

Sorry it's so late, I had school and writers block and yeah. Also I've been feeling really shitty about myself lately which was kinda the inspiration for Gerard's little 'speech' thing at the end... so yeah hi I'm not dead yet :)

so don't forget to sub, vote, comment etc and ily<3

-Axx