Wanna Be Somebodies

GERARD’S P.O.V.
I’m sitting in class the next afternoon when I hear over the P.A.,
“There has been an anonymous report of rape. Students, please stay safe; use the buddy system to protect yourselves. If you know any perpetrators, please tell the office immediately.”
The class comes alive with buzzed chatter. I wish that the teacher would shut them up, but there’s a minute left until the bell rings, so she’ll just let the talk. I cup my hands over my ears until I see people get up, dismissing their conversations that were so intriguing and urgent just moments ago.
I get back to my dorm, to see Frank and August hanging out, playing video games and sipping from the small amount of liquor they’ve managed to sneak into the school.
Frank is playing upside down, his legs stretched across the lower bunk. “Gerard!” he calls. “Did you hear about the rape report?”
Well, shit. There’s no avoiding it now. “Um, yeah.”
“Isn’t that crazy?” August asks. “That also means that you two aren’t the only gay guys in this school.”
“Au contraire,” Coulter begins. “A rapist’s motivation is not sex, but power. They seek to have someone be submissive before them, and only that. Therefore, a straight male could rape another straight male.”
“I didn’t know this was a psychology lesson, sheesh,” August mutters.
I fidget with my pockets, becoming uncomfortable with the conversation quickly.
“Do you think that he like… just groped him, or full on butt fucked him?” August questions.
Frank giggles at August’s blatant delivery, his eyes unconsciously flicking over to me. His smile drops, and he clears his throat, demanding, “Guys, shut up. You’re making Gerard uncomfortable.”
I redden, and Coulter asks,
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m just… sensitive I guess,” I mumble.
“We’ll stop,” August assures.
“Gerard, can I talk to you privately?” Frank questions.
“Uhh, yeah,” I reply. “Sure, whatever you want.”
“Awesome. Coulter, play for me,” Frank orders, tossing his controller up to Coulter, who catches it with one hand and is in seconds absorbed fully into the game.
I help Frank to his feet, and he drags me into the small side room. He sits up on the desk, and I stand awkwardly, my back to the wall.
“What’s really bothering you?” Frank asks. “Did Matt do anything?”
I stare down, and shake my head sullenly.
“Are you sure?” Frank asks.
I look up at him, unable to stop the tears from forming in my eyes. I shrug, and Frank sighs sadly. He outstretches his arms, telling softly,
“Come here.”
I walk into his hug, and he squeezes me tightly before kissing me on the cheek. “What was it this time?” He rubs my back with one hand and smooths my hair with the other.
“I can’t tell you,” I choke out, tears making my voice tight.
“You can tell me anything,” Frank insists. “You know that, right?”
I nod, and let more tears cascade down my face. “But not this time. And it’s not your fault. It’s not even mine. I just can’t.”
Frank begins to get frustrated. “Gerard, if you trusted me, then you’d tell me. You’ve always been so secretive, and I have to wring everything out and carry you along through everything, kicking and screaming. For once, can you just have a little faith?!”
“I have faith in you, Frank,” I assure steadily. “I just have none in Matt and his friends.”
Frank begins to cry himself. He pushes me away, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Fine, don’t tell me. I’ll fuck off.”
“Frank, don’t be like that,” I plead quietly. “Honestly, this is nobody’s fault.”
“Then why can’t you tell me what happened?!” Frank cries. “I’m your boyfriend, for Christ’s sakes! Or at least I used to be!”
“You’re not breaking up with me, are you?” I squeak.
Frank shakes his head. “But if you’re going to keep hiding shit from me and ignoring my willingness to listen, then I’m going to have to.”
“Frankie, I really can’t tell you. They made me promise not to,” I explain.
“And you’re going to fuck over me just to keep a pink promise with some psychopaths?” Frank scoffs.
“It’s not a fucking pinkie promise, it’s a threat!” I retort. “And I’m not the only one in danger.”
“What do you mean?” Frank asks.
“They threatened you, too. They threatened… they threatened to stab you,” I admit, starting to sob again. “And, if they, if I tell, and they take you away from me, then just what the fuck am I supposed to do with myself?”
Frank gives another deep sigh. “Gerard, you can’t depend on a person this badly.”
“I know but….” I dissolve into a mess of tears.
Frank hugs me, pointing out, “You can tell me. How are they going to find out? C’mon, Gerard, like I’m going to tell anyone.”
I sniffle, and murmur, “They…. Matt and his friends…” I gaze out the window, asking Frank, “Can you not look at me when I say this?”
Frank is silent for a moment, but allows, “Sure, just let me turn around.” He puts his back to me obediently.
I close my eyes, and my voice comes out pinched and pitchy as I confide, “His friends held me down, and Matt raped me.”
I don’t hear anything, and I’m about to open my eyes when I feel Frank all around me. I hug him back and weep into his shoulder. He stands there for about fifteen minutes, rubbing my back and kissing my forehead as I bawl my eyes out.
I rub my sore eyes, telling, “I don’t want to go back out there.”
“We’ll just stay here for a while then,” Frank comforts. He hops up on the desk, patting the spot next to him. I jump up, and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. He stares out at the room wistfully, absently dragging his fingers through my hair, gently smoothing out any tangles.
I end up turning into a yawning, sleepy mess, and I must doze off, because next thing I know, Frank is carrying me to bed.
He lays me down, tucking in the blanket precisely around me. He props my head up with the pillow and kisses my forehead.
He looks at me dreamily, his hazel eyes shining. “You okay?”
I nod. “I’m okay.”
Frank considers this, biting his lip. His brows knit as he asks, “You’ll tell me if you’re not, right?”
I giggle at his concern, and tell, “Of course, Frankie. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Frank replies. He smiles at me, gives me another kiss, and then heads off to his own dorm.

Notes

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