Wanna Be Somebodies

FRANK’S P.O.V.
All day there’s a building apprehension in my gut. I begin to develop quite the share of nervous ticks; I can’t count the number of times a classmate points out that I’m blinking a ton or bouncing my leg. But no matter how many times anyone points it out, I go back to it. I can’t help it; I’ll stop when they first mention it, but before I know it, I catch myself doing it again. These only make me feel more anxious, and my stomach is in tight knots in absolutely no time.
Lunch is never a good time for me; it never has been. Even when I used to torment Gerard for sitting alone, part of what would make me go over and bother him in the first place was that I also had no one to sit with. These lunch time nerves; Gerard knows the same feeling, the racing heartbeat, the clammy hands, trembling knees. It used to be an issue of eating alone, but now it’s turned into a mess of what’s about to happen next. Knowing that Matt is in my lunch wave is absolutely no help.
Luke ends up sitting with me; he’s been doing that more and more lately. It used to be somewhat of a sporadic thing; I’d see him from time to time, but never as often as I’d like. I always wondered what made this so irregular; maybe he had things to attend to. Either that, or he didn’t want to entirely jeopardize his image, so he tried to keep our luncheons to a minimum.
He must not care as much as he used to. He sits across from me, sighing heavily as he eases into the seat. God, I hope he doesn’t try and talk about this morning. If one word comes out of his mouth, I’ll scream.
“Sorry about this morning, Frank,” he apologizes.
My voice is too sore to let out the howl that’s storming inside of me. I don’t want to play dumb; that’ll piss him off. I also don’t want to rub it in; that’ll piss him off even more. I go neutral, nodding, “It’s okay, man. A lot of shit is going on right now, for everyone.”
I gaze up at him, noticing a bruise has formed over one of his eyes. “How’re you feeling?”
He shrugs, admitting, “Kind of shitty. Worn out, irritated, you know.”
“Your eye, I meant.”
Again, he shrugs. “It doesn’t really hurt unless I touch it.” We eat in silence for a moment, but it doesn’t last. “Are you still set on quitting?”
“Yeah. I can’t take another damn day of practice,” I confess. “I’d rather make an idiot of myself once than try to endure it for the entirety of the season, which has hardly even started.”
Luke shakes his head, murmuring, “I really don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Not really much you can do about that,” I reason. “I mean, I never wanted Gerard to be hurt but…” I drop my fork and it clatters much louder than I thought it would, startling Luke into looking up at me. “Here we are.”
“About that, did you see him and Matt the other day?” Luke asks.
I shake my head, furrowing my brows. “No, what are you talking about?”
“I just overheard August say that he saw Matt leave the bathroom, shortly followed by a very upset looking Gerard. I thought Gerard would have told you.”
“He didn’t,” I growl. I catch Luke flinching, already wishing he wouldn’t have said anything. “Thanks for telling me, I mean. I just wish he’d talk to me, but things have been real ugly ever since… you know.”
“Yeah, I understand,” Luke mutters. Desperate to change the subject, he asks, “So, when are you quitting again? Beginning or end of practice?”
I scoff, “Beginning, duh. Why would I ever put myself through another hour and a half of that hell?”
“Good luck, man,” Luke wishes. “I have your back.”
I reach underneath the table and knock on the wood twice; I’m going to need all the luck I can get.
When the time for practice finally arrives, I find Luke and walk with him, waiting in the gym while he precedes to the locker room with the other boys.
I see Matt stride up, and I flinch unconsciously, which gets a rise out of him. “Scared, Iero?”
My muscles turn to stone as he grips the back of my neck, whispering in my ear, “Word on the street is that you’re going to quit. Is that true?”
With difficulty, I swallow, managing, “Yeah.”
His hand, grasping and hot as it slides down the back of my pants, tries to steer its way around my hips and towards my crotch. “You’re not about to tell on me, are you, little girl?”
I shove myself away, yelping, “Get off of me!” His eyes turn to ice, so I stumble over myself stammering, “I’m n-not telling on you, just quitting.”
“Good,” Matt scowls. He grabs a chunk of my hair, yanking my face close to his as he spits, “Keep it that way, you little bitch.” He releases me roughly, then making his way for the locker room, probably to go talk about me behind my back.
Once the coach arrives in the empty gym, I tell him everything. Well, not everything, because that would get my ass kicked. No, I mostly make up a lot of shit about wanting to focus on my studies and not having the time for wrestling in my schedule. He looks pretty disappointed, and I do feel genuinely bad for about a moment before I remind myself of my actual reasoning. The truth is, I can’t stand these kids and the things they do. Luke is as good as ever, but Matt is a boy of hate and malice, and I will distance myself from him at all costs.
He lets me go, seeming somewhat sad as he dismisses me for what is the final time. I trudge back to not my own dorm, but Gerard’s, knowing that a heartfelt discussion is long overdue.

Notes

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