Very Much Alive
War with Myself
-Frank's POV-
Trig class was basically a waste of 45 minutes. Mr. Deeds did nothing but ramble-about what... I have no idea. He was one of those teachers who could say a whole lot of nothing. I took the opportunity to daydream about Mr. Way. I could just imagine me running my hands through his raven hair, losing myself-all my thoughts, worries, and troubles- in those murky, hazel orbs. Something in them struck my curiosity. Maybe it was the enticing gold flecks, their intensity or the emotion in them. His eyes seemed to give away all his thoughts and feelings. Even with the joyful look that constantly remained on his angelic face, his eyes seemed pained. Anguish and misery filled them... but why? I was snapped back into reality as the bell rang. Probably a good thing, too. 'Frank, you know you shouldn't daydream about a guy you just met. Especially when this guy is a teacher.' I kept trying to convince myself of this, but it just wasn't working. It's like the two sides of my brain were at war. My right strived for romance with this mysterious and handsome man, but my left wanted a normal student-teacher relationship and nothing more. I wanted, well, both I guess. I wanted to at least be friends with him. He'd be a nice addition to my little threesome. It had almost always been just me and Ray. At least now I finally got Mikey back, but this was senior year! The drama and risk of it all thrilled me. I'm tired of this vicious cycle of little money, no friends, and people hating me. I wanted some excitement and Mr. Way was my one-way ticket (no pun intended.)
I gathered my textbooks and notepad and shoved them into my backpack. It was finally lunchtime, which I meant I got to go sit with my two best friends, relax, eat, and chat for the next 30 minutes. 'Well it's about time.' The walk to Section A was pretty long, seeing as how it was all the way at the other end of the school. Along the way, I had to pass by the stadium where a bunch of football players usually patrolled. It was always intimidating walking by them. One of me, being only 5'6, versus about 10 of them, being about 6'2, never ended with the odds in my favor. I generally only received glares, laughs or harsh comments like 'fag' or 'homo' or 'dick'. I never really identified myself as straight, gay, bisexual or whatever-I was just me and I like what I like. Occasionally I was punched in the face or tripped, nothing ever major that I told other people about. Telling others would just be like signing my death wish. I started wondering if walking by them in red eye shadow and dark eyeliner was such a good idea. I soon got my answer...
"Where the hell do you think you're going, bitch?" That was Jordan, the biggest douchebag I think I've ever met. He has a new 'girlfriend' about every few days, says he gets tired of them after they, well... you know. I can't stand the thought of him using girls like that. They deserve to be respected just as well as guys (maybe more so...) "None of your business, asshole. Now leave me the hell alone," I started walking off when he yanked on my hood. 'Welp, this'll end terribly. So much for my wonderful day..'
"You think you can talk to me like that punk? Huh? OI!" I closed my eyes, bracing myself for his fist to connect with my nose. "HEY, I'm talking to y-" He was interrupted by an abrupt punch straight to his jaw. It made an awful cracking noise and he loosened his grip on me. I turned to find that my savior was none other than the afro man himself. While Jordon and his buddies were cradling his bruised jaw, Ray and I made a run for it. As we sprinted down the courtyard, I heard an echo coming from behind us."WE'LL GET YOU FAG. YOU TOO TORO!!!" I was sprinting for my life and didn't even stop 'til I arrived at the entrance of Section A. We both stopped to catch our breaths, knowing we both just ran about 150 yards. Once I could finally breathe again, I looked over at Ray. We just stared at each other for a minute and then erupted in a fit of laughs.
"DUDE! That was so awesome. Ah thanks man, I seriously owe you one. That really could've ended badly had it not been for you." I was indebted to this crazy metal man, I mean-he might of just saved my life. "Come on, I'll buy you lunch." He murmured something about it not being a big deal and an inaudible thanks for the offer, but I ignored it. We continued on straight to the lunchroom with our heads down, trying not to draw more attention to ourselves. 'Maybe drama isn't as great as I had thought...'
We high schoolers have a theory about school lunches. The first day back always seems to have the best food-pizza, fries, chips, cookies-but as the school year progresses, they lunch ladies remember how much they hate us, and the food quality goes downhill from there. Today, fortunately, they were serving cheese pizza and they were handing out free chocolate chip cookies. I went through the line and got us two slices and a cookie each, then went to the vending machine and got us a bag of chips to share and a Snickers for Ray (his favorite.) For the first day back, the school always paid a Starbucks vendor to come and sell us drinks. Yeah, I know the whole Starbucks is soooo hipster, how could you?! thing. No man, coffee's just too damn good. I order us both cappuccinos and then headed back to our seats with all the food.
"Whoa, short stuff here sure can eat!" he teased. 'Oi, another height-related joke. I'll let it slide, he just saved me from getting beat up.' We ate our lunches and talked about our classes and teachers. Ray thanked me for the food right as I noticed Mikey across the room. I tried motioning him over to us, but he mouthed something I couldn't make out and kept walking. He seemed to be following Mr. Way, 'Wonder where, Maybe he got in trouble for never showing up to Art...?' Ray seemed concerned as well, which is just like him-'Always being the Dad of the group'- but I dismissed it and resumed our conversation of upcoming horror movies. I didn't see Mikey for the rest of the day. Soon, it was time to leave. I had Economics and English next. I liked Ms. Jordy and Mrs. Fair alright, so I guess it wouldn't be too much torture. Plus, Ray was in my English class, so I'll probably just talk to him the entire time. 'And I'll get to see Mr. Way again.' I don't know how I got lucky enough to have him twice in one day, perhaps God was smiling down on me. Me, the kid who had fallen for one of His angels.
During Economics, we mostly just talked to one another. Ms. Jordy didn't have her lesson plans ready, so we started off with the same crappy rule speech, then did 'get to know you' exercises, which I loathed. For homework, she asked us to look up examples of how changes in economic policies affect our daily lives in America. Nothing too bad for the first day, I probably won't even do it tonight and just ask someone later. English, however, didn't go so well. We were first handed syllabuses and a list of mandatory books that we needed to read by the end of the year. I silently read off titles. 'To Kill a Mockingbird, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, The Catcher and the Rye, The Scarlet Letter, Dante's Inferno, The Odyssey...' The list went on and on! I looked over at Ray a few seats down and he rolled his eyes. I felt the same. Luckily, I was seated in the back of the class ('Bad mistake miss...') so I pulled out my iPod and listened to some Misfits. Never did get caught. In fact, I was almost asleep when the bell sounded, dismissing us from English. And man was I excited to go see that fantastic Mr. Way.
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I trekked down to Section B pretty pumped. The Creative Writing room was located right beside the Art room, so it wasn't hard to find. I was one of the first few to get it the room, with about 3 minutes to spare. I guess I was a little too early because Mr. Way wasn't it there yet. That disappointed me- it took away time that I could be staring at his firm little ass! But then I remembered that I would get to see him after class. 'Yeah bitches, me and me alone! Take that!' Since I was amongst the first, I picked a desk towards the back, yet still close to Mr. Way's desk. I unzipped my bag to get out my notebook and pencils, determined to be completely prepared for his class this time. As I finished setting everything on my desk, the bell went off and Mr. Way came zooming into the room, accidently slamming the door behind him. We all jumped, including him. His face promptly turned a delectable, rosy shade of red. He stood there for a second, looking like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Some of the students started to giggle, which caused Mr. Way to crack a smile. With a chuckle, he started in,
"Well, afternoon students. Sorry about that, sometimes I'm a little overly forceful," 'Well that's exciting to know-STOP IT!' I just couldn't help but turn everything he said into a little innuendo! "So, to start, I'm Mr. Way, your Creative Writing teacher this year. Some of you may know me already from my Art class. Anyway, I'm new here so let's go around the room. Please just give your name." That took up about 5 minutes. Probably a good thing, because it made up for the time I didn't get to stare at Mr. Way before class had begun. He gave us a quick rundown of the things we'd be doing for the next semester. Similar to what he did in Art, for our first assignment, he told us to write a short story or poem about anything we wanted. "No restrictions, don't hold back any emotions of feelings. I wanna try to get a feel for you and your writing styles." 'You can feel me all you wa-REALLY?' God, I really just wanted my brain to stop warring with itself. "It doesn't have to be some magnificent work or anything, just a short drabble will do, but please put effort into it. Turn it into the seventh period drawer by the bell. Good luck," Hmm... what to do, what to do... I started writing about a post-apocalyptic civilization during the year 2150, but couldn't find any inspiration. I crumpled the paper and got out a clean sheet. During my free time, I occasionally wrote some lyrics to go with guitar riffs I had composed. 'Maybe one of those would work as poetry.' I scribbled down exactly what I was feeling. Once again, Mr. Way came up behind me and read what I wrote.
We hold in our hearts the sword and the faith
Swelled up from the rain, clouds move like a wraith
Well after all, we'll lie another day And through it all
We'll find some other way
To carry on through cartilage and fluid
And did you come to stare, or wash away the blood?
Well tonight, well tonight
Will it ever come?
Spend the rest of your days
Rocking out just for the dead
Well tonight
Will it ever come? I can see you awake anytime, in my head
At first I didn't think he liked it, for he was silent for quite some time. I looked up at him shyly, like I had done something wrong. "Um, I know it's not great or anything, this is just the first thing that I wrote and it's stupid, just a first draft-I'll probably rewrite it or scrap it completely maybe-"
"NO! I mean, no. Frank, this... this is amazing. Your mind is just so wonderful, and you came up with this on the spot? Wow, just... fantastic. Don't get it rid of it, please. I definitely want to keep this. Continue writing like this and you'll make A's all year long!" He was practically radiating with happiness. I smiled back at him, trying to look as devious yet innocent as possible (if that makes sense.) I think he noticed because his eyes widened slightly and he straightened his back like he was uncomfortable. 'Way to go, you probably freaked him out and now you won't have a chance with him.' I really started to feel stupid as he began to walk away, so I started glaring down at my paper.
"Oh Frank," he turned around, "don't forget to see me after class," He then smirked his sexy little smirk and winked. Second time that day- go me! I nodded at him as he turned back to walking around. My confidence then skyrocketed past its normal level into the ceiling. I didn't know if it was in my head or not, but it seemed like Mr. Way was flirting. 'Maybe he was just trying to be nice or...?' I shook off the idea, knowing I didn't need to get my hopes up, but still kept smiling like the fan girl whose OTP just came true. My iPod then vibrated in my pocket, scaring me a little. It was a text from Ray.
'Hey man, you need a ride back to your house?'
'No thanks. I've got something to do, I'll just walk. Talk to ya later!'
The bell then sounded. Mr. Way walked out of the room, saying he'd be back in a few minutes. I went up to the front and turned in my poem; I was pretty happy with it, especially since he had liked it. I tried packing up as slow as possible so the other students didn't notice me staying behind. When Mr. Way returned, he was glancing at some papers. Everyone had cleared out, just leaving me and him. He then glanced over at me, slowed down and smirked. Can I just say that for the second time, my pants got slightly tighter?
"So Mr. Way, you wanted to talk?"
Trig class was basically a waste of 45 minutes. Mr. Deeds did nothing but ramble-about what... I have no idea. He was one of those teachers who could say a whole lot of nothing. I took the opportunity to daydream about Mr. Way. I could just imagine me running my hands through his raven hair, losing myself-all my thoughts, worries, and troubles- in those murky, hazel orbs. Something in them struck my curiosity. Maybe it was the enticing gold flecks, their intensity or the emotion in them. His eyes seemed to give away all his thoughts and feelings. Even with the joyful look that constantly remained on his angelic face, his eyes seemed pained. Anguish and misery filled them... but why? I was snapped back into reality as the bell rang. Probably a good thing, too. 'Frank, you know you shouldn't daydream about a guy you just met. Especially when this guy is a teacher.' I kept trying to convince myself of this, but it just wasn't working. It's like the two sides of my brain were at war. My right strived for romance with this mysterious and handsome man, but my left wanted a normal student-teacher relationship and nothing more. I wanted, well, both I guess. I wanted to at least be friends with him. He'd be a nice addition to my little threesome. It had almost always been just me and Ray. At least now I finally got Mikey back, but this was senior year! The drama and risk of it all thrilled me. I'm tired of this vicious cycle of little money, no friends, and people hating me. I wanted some excitement and Mr. Way was my one-way ticket (no pun intended.)
I gathered my textbooks and notepad and shoved them into my backpack. It was finally lunchtime, which I meant I got to go sit with my two best friends, relax, eat, and chat for the next 30 minutes. 'Well it's about time.' The walk to Section A was pretty long, seeing as how it was all the way at the other end of the school. Along the way, I had to pass by the stadium where a bunch of football players usually patrolled. It was always intimidating walking by them. One of me, being only 5'6, versus about 10 of them, being about 6'2, never ended with the odds in my favor. I generally only received glares, laughs or harsh comments like 'fag' or 'homo' or 'dick'. I never really identified myself as straight, gay, bisexual or whatever-I was just me and I like what I like. Occasionally I was punched in the face or tripped, nothing ever major that I told other people about. Telling others would just be like signing my death wish. I started wondering if walking by them in red eye shadow and dark eyeliner was such a good idea. I soon got my answer...
"Where the hell do you think you're going, bitch?" That was Jordan, the biggest douchebag I think I've ever met. He has a new 'girlfriend' about every few days, says he gets tired of them after they, well... you know. I can't stand the thought of him using girls like that. They deserve to be respected just as well as guys (maybe more so...) "None of your business, asshole. Now leave me the hell alone," I started walking off when he yanked on my hood. 'Welp, this'll end terribly. So much for my wonderful day..'
"You think you can talk to me like that punk? Huh? OI!" I closed my eyes, bracing myself for his fist to connect with my nose. "HEY, I'm talking to y-" He was interrupted by an abrupt punch straight to his jaw. It made an awful cracking noise and he loosened his grip on me. I turned to find that my savior was none other than the afro man himself. While Jordon and his buddies were cradling his bruised jaw, Ray and I made a run for it. As we sprinted down the courtyard, I heard an echo coming from behind us."WE'LL GET YOU FAG. YOU TOO TORO!!!" I was sprinting for my life and didn't even stop 'til I arrived at the entrance of Section A. We both stopped to catch our breaths, knowing we both just ran about 150 yards. Once I could finally breathe again, I looked over at Ray. We just stared at each other for a minute and then erupted in a fit of laughs.
"DUDE! That was so awesome. Ah thanks man, I seriously owe you one. That really could've ended badly had it not been for you." I was indebted to this crazy metal man, I mean-he might of just saved my life. "Come on, I'll buy you lunch." He murmured something about it not being a big deal and an inaudible thanks for the offer, but I ignored it. We continued on straight to the lunchroom with our heads down, trying not to draw more attention to ourselves. 'Maybe drama isn't as great as I had thought...'
We high schoolers have a theory about school lunches. The first day back always seems to have the best food-pizza, fries, chips, cookies-but as the school year progresses, they lunch ladies remember how much they hate us, and the food quality goes downhill from there. Today, fortunately, they were serving cheese pizza and they were handing out free chocolate chip cookies. I went through the line and got us two slices and a cookie each, then went to the vending machine and got us a bag of chips to share and a Snickers for Ray (his favorite.) For the first day back, the school always paid a Starbucks vendor to come and sell us drinks. Yeah, I know the whole Starbucks is soooo hipster, how could you?! thing. No man, coffee's just too damn good. I order us both cappuccinos and then headed back to our seats with all the food.
"Whoa, short stuff here sure can eat!" he teased. 'Oi, another height-related joke. I'll let it slide, he just saved me from getting beat up.' We ate our lunches and talked about our classes and teachers. Ray thanked me for the food right as I noticed Mikey across the room. I tried motioning him over to us, but he mouthed something I couldn't make out and kept walking. He seemed to be following Mr. Way, 'Wonder where, Maybe he got in trouble for never showing up to Art...?' Ray seemed concerned as well, which is just like him-'Always being the Dad of the group'- but I dismissed it and resumed our conversation of upcoming horror movies. I didn't see Mikey for the rest of the day. Soon, it was time to leave. I had Economics and English next. I liked Ms. Jordy and Mrs. Fair alright, so I guess it wouldn't be too much torture. Plus, Ray was in my English class, so I'll probably just talk to him the entire time. 'And I'll get to see Mr. Way again.' I don't know how I got lucky enough to have him twice in one day, perhaps God was smiling down on me. Me, the kid who had fallen for one of His angels.
During Economics, we mostly just talked to one another. Ms. Jordy didn't have her lesson plans ready, so we started off with the same crappy rule speech, then did 'get to know you' exercises, which I loathed. For homework, she asked us to look up examples of how changes in economic policies affect our daily lives in America. Nothing too bad for the first day, I probably won't even do it tonight and just ask someone later. English, however, didn't go so well. We were first handed syllabuses and a list of mandatory books that we needed to read by the end of the year. I silently read off titles. 'To Kill a Mockingbird, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, The Catcher and the Rye, The Scarlet Letter, Dante's Inferno, The Odyssey...' The list went on and on! I looked over at Ray a few seats down and he rolled his eyes. I felt the same. Luckily, I was seated in the back of the class ('Bad mistake miss...') so I pulled out my iPod and listened to some Misfits. Never did get caught. In fact, I was almost asleep when the bell sounded, dismissing us from English. And man was I excited to go see that fantastic Mr. Way.
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I trekked down to Section B pretty pumped. The Creative Writing room was located right beside the Art room, so it wasn't hard to find. I was one of the first few to get it the room, with about 3 minutes to spare. I guess I was a little too early because Mr. Way wasn't it there yet. That disappointed me- it took away time that I could be staring at his firm little ass! But then I remembered that I would get to see him after class. 'Yeah bitches, me and me alone! Take that!' Since I was amongst the first, I picked a desk towards the back, yet still close to Mr. Way's desk. I unzipped my bag to get out my notebook and pencils, determined to be completely prepared for his class this time. As I finished setting everything on my desk, the bell went off and Mr. Way came zooming into the room, accidently slamming the door behind him. We all jumped, including him. His face promptly turned a delectable, rosy shade of red. He stood there for a second, looking like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Some of the students started to giggle, which caused Mr. Way to crack a smile. With a chuckle, he started in,
"Well, afternoon students. Sorry about that, sometimes I'm a little overly forceful," 'Well that's exciting to know-STOP IT!' I just couldn't help but turn everything he said into a little innuendo! "So, to start, I'm Mr. Way, your Creative Writing teacher this year. Some of you may know me already from my Art class. Anyway, I'm new here so let's go around the room. Please just give your name." That took up about 5 minutes. Probably a good thing, because it made up for the time I didn't get to stare at Mr. Way before class had begun. He gave us a quick rundown of the things we'd be doing for the next semester. Similar to what he did in Art, for our first assignment, he told us to write a short story or poem about anything we wanted. "No restrictions, don't hold back any emotions of feelings. I wanna try to get a feel for you and your writing styles." 'You can feel me all you wa-REALLY?' God, I really just wanted my brain to stop warring with itself. "It doesn't have to be some magnificent work or anything, just a short drabble will do, but please put effort into it. Turn it into the seventh period drawer by the bell. Good luck," Hmm... what to do, what to do... I started writing about a post-apocalyptic civilization during the year 2150, but couldn't find any inspiration. I crumpled the paper and got out a clean sheet. During my free time, I occasionally wrote some lyrics to go with guitar riffs I had composed. 'Maybe one of those would work as poetry.' I scribbled down exactly what I was feeling. Once again, Mr. Way came up behind me and read what I wrote.
We hold in our hearts the sword and the faith
Swelled up from the rain, clouds move like a wraith
Well after all, we'll lie another day And through it all
We'll find some other way
To carry on through cartilage and fluid
And did you come to stare, or wash away the blood?
Well tonight, well tonight
Will it ever come?
Spend the rest of your days
Rocking out just for the dead
Well tonight
Will it ever come? I can see you awake anytime, in my head
At first I didn't think he liked it, for he was silent for quite some time. I looked up at him shyly, like I had done something wrong. "Um, I know it's not great or anything, this is just the first thing that I wrote and it's stupid, just a first draft-I'll probably rewrite it or scrap it completely maybe-"
"NO! I mean, no. Frank, this... this is amazing. Your mind is just so wonderful, and you came up with this on the spot? Wow, just... fantastic. Don't get it rid of it, please. I definitely want to keep this. Continue writing like this and you'll make A's all year long!" He was practically radiating with happiness. I smiled back at him, trying to look as devious yet innocent as possible (if that makes sense.) I think he noticed because his eyes widened slightly and he straightened his back like he was uncomfortable. 'Way to go, you probably freaked him out and now you won't have a chance with him.' I really started to feel stupid as he began to walk away, so I started glaring down at my paper.
"Oh Frank," he turned around, "don't forget to see me after class," He then smirked his sexy little smirk and winked. Second time that day- go me! I nodded at him as he turned back to walking around. My confidence then skyrocketed past its normal level into the ceiling. I didn't know if it was in my head or not, but it seemed like Mr. Way was flirting. 'Maybe he was just trying to be nice or...?' I shook off the idea, knowing I didn't need to get my hopes up, but still kept smiling like the fan girl whose OTP just came true. My iPod then vibrated in my pocket, scaring me a little. It was a text from Ray.
'Hey man, you need a ride back to your house?'
'No thanks. I've got something to do, I'll just walk. Talk to ya later!'
The bell then sounded. Mr. Way walked out of the room, saying he'd be back in a few minutes. I went up to the front and turned in my poem; I was pretty happy with it, especially since he had liked it. I tried packing up as slow as possible so the other students didn't notice me staying behind. When Mr. Way returned, he was glancing at some papers. Everyone had cleared out, just leaving me and him. He then glanced over at me, slowed down and smirked. Can I just say that for the second time, my pants got slightly tighter?
"So Mr. Way, you wanted to talk?"
Notes
Third chapter up, yay! Hope you all enjoyed it. As you can see, I took an excerpt from the Desert Song, which I do not own or take credit for writing. Probably will have another update tomorrow or Wednesday. Please leave (nice) suggestions and comments below. Thank you so much for reading
-xo OfSaintsandSinners
p.s I'm so sorry for the sucky layout. I keep aligning it correctly in the textbox, but for some reason it won't save correctly. Bear with me while I try to fix it
Love it.
1/25/16