Very Much Alive
Just Sleep
-Frank's POV-
Yeah, having hot sex with a hot guy like Gerard sounded fan-fucking-tastic right now. I was all for it earlier the multiple times when he initiated it. Everything about today has been absolutely perfect. Sure the beating wasn't pleasant, but it brought me and Gerard closer, so in a way it kind of paid off. There was one tiny problem that held me back. I was still a virgin.
Okay, before you get all holy on me, let me clarify that I've never had full on sex. Sure there have been times at parties where I've given-and gotten, mind you- head or the occasional handjob, though that was mostly due to being completely wasted and/or stoned. Usually both. It took some heavy shit to get me to go to those parties with Ray. I by no means whatsoever am a prude. Hell, I'm in my teacher's house contemplating the idea of banging him. I wanted him terribly right now, the only thing is that Gerard seems very experienced and somewhat kinky. Don't get me wrong now, Gerard being experienced is exciting and I love it. I didn't mind that part at all, but it made me self conscious about my lack of experience. I have plenty of ideas what to do, just don't want to disappoint him. It's not that I haven't wanted sex, it's just the fact that I haven't found anyone great. I was raised Catholic and they heavily discourage sex before marriage. I wasn't necessarily waiting that long, just for someone special. Well having Gerard right at my disposal was as tempting as the devil himself. My sweatpants were only getting tighter as he continued resting his hand on my thigh, occasionally tightening the grip or moving his fingers. I was biting on my lip, trying not to whimper from my lower discomfort, but the noises just kept building in my throat. It was similar to having a lump in your throat from crying, except amplify that choking pain by 10 and make it out of pleasure, not sadness. Hell yeah that was hard to hold back. I tasted the metallic flavor of blood on my lips from teething so hard which drew me from my thoughts. I put my hands in between my legs, pressing down on my dick, willing it to go down. Try as I might, it felt somewhat satisfying and made it more impossible to keep quiet.
I did not have that many options. If I sat here any longer, I'd get blue balls and fucking die, or at least pass out. I could go to the bathroom and jerk off- it certainly wouldn't take too long at this point. But Gerard was right here beside me, looking as fabulous and fuckable as ever. Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me started playing. It got me thinking about all the things I wanted to be doing with Gerard right now. I wanna be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. Creature of the Night! I glanced at Gerard from the corner of my eye, he did the same. We both turned our attention back to the guy who was currently groping Janet. I'll oil you up and rub you down. Uhh yes please. I swear Gerard was a good inch closer to me than he was a few minutes ago. You need a friendly hand and I need action. Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me! Uh yeah, that sounded a lot like my current state. My heart beat was frantic, but it nearly altogether stopped when one of Gerard's fingers accidently brushed my erection. Yeah. "Accidently", right. I felt dizzy, if I held on much longer I would die. My whole body was acutely sensitive right then and I swear I could've jizzed at that little contact. NOPE. CAN'T DO THIS. I just couldn't take it. The song had ended, so I decided to come up with something, anything to get me away.
"Uhh, I'm gonna go upstairs real quick. I uh, need to... check my phone," I lied. Hell, I'd say I needed to shit if it meant I could go take care of things downstairs. I scampered off the couch, out of his grasp, fumbling over my own feet as I went. He shook at my disruption, clearly having been enthralled by the film. I had almost reached the steps. I was only off by about five feet.
"Are you sure that's what you're gonna go do?" he asked huskily. I stopped in my tracks. Oh dear god above in heaven, why must you do me like this? What the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn't even bring myself to turn around.
"U-I-mhm," was all that could be formulated. I didn't hear a respond and took a step forward, thinking he'd actually bought it. Though it shocked me that he hadn't made any remarks about my boner. It's not like it wasn't obvious and had been right beside his hand. That light stroking wasn't for nothing, it had only kept me on edge and I'm sure he knew it.
"You sure 'bout that?" he questioned. Rustling noises followed, which I assumed was him getting off the couch. I didn't dare turn around, or I'd knew I wouldn't be able to resist. His eyes were on me for sure, it sense was burning through my skin. Jesus what should I even say? His presence was relatively close and I just didn't know what to do. That was my last chance. Now or never.
"Y-yep, be back in a minute," and I bolted up the stairs, not stopping til I was on the third floor making my way to the room. I palmed myself vigorously, releasing a few of the pent up noises that had cluttered my throat as quiet as humanly possible. There was no time to undress so I just shoved my hand down my pants and started jerking. Contact with my cock felt amazing. My back arched when I flicked my wrist, and shut my eyes tightly. Second time today that I've had to do this-was that even possible?-on the account of Gerard being one overly sexual fucker, which was not a bad thing. If only I wasn't such a fucking chicken, I could be on that couch right now with Gerard. Regret coursed through me, poisoning the pleasure. I tried imagining Gerard watching, helping me. It only made me harder. I pulled out my dirty boxers and before I knew it, was coming into them, my head thrown back. My body fell limp as I glowed in the aftermath. It would've been a billion times better had it been with Gerard.
I picked myself off the floor, brushing off and straightening my clothes. I was still feeling the high of my release, but as I said, only had taken a few minutes to "check my phone." True to my word, I checked it and saw that the time was nearly 11. I had a text from Terra but wasn't in the mood to chat, though I was extremely nervous to go back downstairs. Wouldn't he notice that something was, um.. missing? He'd just implied that he knew I wasn't checking my phone. Would he be offended or grossed out or turned on? Hopefully the latter...? God knows.
I squirted a generous amount of hand sanitizer in my palm and rubbed my hands together. More cologne was applied, patted my hair. I was so high maintenance around him, it was very new to me. I hated myself right now. I'd wasted a perfectly good opportunity to have some fun with Gerard, show him that I'm not a prude. I'm not. Everyone knows it. I wanted to take charge, but it was so much easier when he did. I liked it more. I'd blown my chance. 'Shoulda blown Gerard,' my perverted thoughts mocked. I wanted to be angry at that snide remark, but it was true. Fucking fuck fuck fuck! Why was he all I thought about? I was tired of the interruptions and my hesitation. 'Next time, if there is one, I will take the chance,' I promised myself. Doing things too fast would damage the relationship that we'd been building and I didn't want that to happen. Waiting was fine and dandy for some people, it had been working for me up til this point. Now there was Gerard. A raven-haired specimen with porcelain skin, the appearance of a dove and the prowess of a lion. How was this even happening?
I reopened the door and went back down the stairs, phone in hand. It gave me something to distract my mind, and made my story look more believable. Gerard had moved over a little, back to where he had been originally. Dammit. I felt so torn-I wanted to be his best friend and just be cool around each other, but I've fallen for him pretty hard, which made it impossible for me to even think about him without some dirty fantasy wondering through my head... Like what else was in that closet with that boa... and why did he have two boas-if not more-? More chills rippled through me.
He smiled at me as I rounded the corner, then said that I hadn't missed too much, nothing important really. Like that's what I honestly was thinking about right then. I sat down close to him and crossed one leg over the other. We continued watching the movie like nothing had happened. No more comments were made. Even with the TV and singing going on, you could feel the awkward silence. I hated myself. I really, really, really did. I pondered whether or not it was just me who noticed the weirdness. Maybe he never noticed my problem and was just teasing me to make me nervous. Fuck if I knew, I wish I did. It'd make things so much clearer. I wouldn't have to worry about if he wanted this or not, if he just wanted to be friends or one night stands or... whatever. If I could read his mind then I could stop worrying. Maybe then I'd calm down long enough to catch my breath.
The movie ended soon, somewhere around midnight. I wasn't all that tired, neither was Gerard. Bob's Burgers was on so he flipped it over to that. It was one of the only shows that could make me laugh, apparently Gerard enjoyed the show too. We started talking about which characters were our favourites and which seasons we liked best. The talking was feeling more and more natural, leaving little awkwardness between us. We were just hanging out like two buddies.
After four episodes, I found myself cold and sleepy. Gerard was close to me again, sinking lower and lower in his seat, also tired. It was nearly 2 am, and we'd been at school all day. I could barely keep my head up. His shoulder looked awfully inviting... 'Go for it. If he gets upset, blame it on tiredness,' I told myself. What could go wrong? I leaned my head against his shoulder and he shook a little. I jerked my head back up, saying, "Sorry, was going to sleep." Apparently he still wasn't okay from earlier.
He smirked in a tired fashion, "No you weren't." Even half asleep he was still sharp as a tack. I blushed a little at his words and used my arms to push myself back up, but an arm snaked around my ribs and pulled me back down. "I never said I didn't like it," he whispered against my hair. He was so adorable. Instead of his shoulder, he laid my head down against his inclined chest keeping his arm wrapped around me, hand resting at my hip. My shirt had ridden up a little, leaving a small amount of taut skin uncovered. His fingers immediately found it, brushing over it and tracing small patterns. I swear I could feel him write his name in cursive. I was his. I wish I could say he was mine. I like to think he is.
I breathed in the smoky fragrance that graced his Jack Daniels tee. I loved it so much. The warmth surrounding me felt incredibly welcoming. I was supporting myself on my right arm, though my left arm was free, as was his right hand. Again I took a chance and reached for it, intertwining our fingers together and resting them on his right leg. I slowly stroked his perfectly smooth skin, savoring the feel. My eyelids became heavier and heavier. I was almost asleep when I felt a light kiss being pressed to the very top of my head. It was the most tender and innocent thing I'd ever seen him do. It made me love him more.
Yes-love. Not 'like'. This wasn't a crush or infatuation or affair. I think I'm in love with Gerard Way.
"G'night Gee," I whispered groggily. I loved my little nickname for him.
"Night Frankie," he breathed back. The TV was still on, not that I cared. I liked sleeping with background noise. Gerard continued rubbing on my hip lightly, putting me right to sleep. The last thing I remembered was the brightness of the television, the smell of cigarettes, and the feeling of security. I was in Gerard's arms, nothing could hurt me there.
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When I awoke again the room was completely dark. I guess Gerard woken up as well and had turned off the screen at some point during the night. I yawned silently, rubbing one eye and grabbed my phone. The brightness flashed right into my eyes, causing me to retract back and squint. The tiny clock in the corner read 6:27 am. It took me a second to remember that it was Saturday and I didn't have to get up early today. That was when the warmth pressed against my back made me realize where I was. We'd somehow switched positions during the night. We were both laying down beside each other, my back was pressed against his chest. My head was under his chin. Gerard was behind me, one arm slung lazily over my waist, the other under his head. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to see his face- that angelic, completely at peace face that I adored so much. I felt him stir a little and laid back down quickly. He stilled once more, and a smile crept on to my face. This was perfect. We were both being completely natural and there was nothing sexual about it. I've never felt safer in my entire life, never this comforted, not even by my own mother. It made me forget the bullies, my dad, the secrets. I didn't need to be pretty or bold or badass or mysterious. I just needed to sleep here right now in the comfort of Gerard's embrace and forget the ugly world. I closed my eyes once more. Again I was nearly asleep when his grip tightened, pulling my body a little closer to his. He pressed another kiss to my head and I was greeted by darkness. Not a bother or worry in this world could deter me. There was nothing I had to do and nothing I had to be. One thing: Just sleep.
Yeah, having hot sex with a hot guy like Gerard sounded fan-fucking-tastic right now. I was all for it earlier the multiple times when he initiated it. Everything about today has been absolutely perfect. Sure the beating wasn't pleasant, but it brought me and Gerard closer, so in a way it kind of paid off. There was one tiny problem that held me back. I was still a virgin.
Okay, before you get all holy on me, let me clarify that I've never had full on sex. Sure there have been times at parties where I've given-and gotten, mind you- head or the occasional handjob, though that was mostly due to being completely wasted and/or stoned. Usually both. It took some heavy shit to get me to go to those parties with Ray. I by no means whatsoever am a prude. Hell, I'm in my teacher's house contemplating the idea of banging him. I wanted him terribly right now, the only thing is that Gerard seems very experienced and somewhat kinky. Don't get me wrong now, Gerard being experienced is exciting and I love it. I didn't mind that part at all, but it made me self conscious about my lack of experience. I have plenty of ideas what to do, just don't want to disappoint him. It's not that I haven't wanted sex, it's just the fact that I haven't found anyone great. I was raised Catholic and they heavily discourage sex before marriage. I wasn't necessarily waiting that long, just for someone special. Well having Gerard right at my disposal was as tempting as the devil himself. My sweatpants were only getting tighter as he continued resting his hand on my thigh, occasionally tightening the grip or moving his fingers. I was biting on my lip, trying not to whimper from my lower discomfort, but the noises just kept building in my throat. It was similar to having a lump in your throat from crying, except amplify that choking pain by 10 and make it out of pleasure, not sadness. Hell yeah that was hard to hold back. I tasted the metallic flavor of blood on my lips from teething so hard which drew me from my thoughts. I put my hands in between my legs, pressing down on my dick, willing it to go down. Try as I might, it felt somewhat satisfying and made it more impossible to keep quiet.
I did not have that many options. If I sat here any longer, I'd get blue balls and fucking die, or at least pass out. I could go to the bathroom and jerk off- it certainly wouldn't take too long at this point. But Gerard was right here beside me, looking as fabulous and fuckable as ever. Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me started playing. It got me thinking about all the things I wanted to be doing with Gerard right now. I wanna be dirty. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me. Creature of the Night! I glanced at Gerard from the corner of my eye, he did the same. We both turned our attention back to the guy who was currently groping Janet. I'll oil you up and rub you down. Uhh yes please. I swear Gerard was a good inch closer to me than he was a few minutes ago. You need a friendly hand and I need action. Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me! Uh yeah, that sounded a lot like my current state. My heart beat was frantic, but it nearly altogether stopped when one of Gerard's fingers accidently brushed my erection. Yeah. "Accidently", right. I felt dizzy, if I held on much longer I would die. My whole body was acutely sensitive right then and I swear I could've jizzed at that little contact. NOPE. CAN'T DO THIS. I just couldn't take it. The song had ended, so I decided to come up with something, anything to get me away.
"Uhh, I'm gonna go upstairs real quick. I uh, need to... check my phone," I lied. Hell, I'd say I needed to shit if it meant I could go take care of things downstairs. I scampered off the couch, out of his grasp, fumbling over my own feet as I went. He shook at my disruption, clearly having been enthralled by the film. I had almost reached the steps. I was only off by about five feet.
"Are you sure that's what you're gonna go do?" he asked huskily. I stopped in my tracks. Oh dear god above in heaven, why must you do me like this? What the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn't even bring myself to turn around.
"U-I-mhm," was all that could be formulated. I didn't hear a respond and took a step forward, thinking he'd actually bought it. Though it shocked me that he hadn't made any remarks about my boner. It's not like it wasn't obvious and had been right beside his hand. That light stroking wasn't for nothing, it had only kept me on edge and I'm sure he knew it.
"You sure 'bout that?" he questioned. Rustling noises followed, which I assumed was him getting off the couch. I didn't dare turn around, or I'd knew I wouldn't be able to resist. His eyes were on me for sure, it sense was burning through my skin. Jesus what should I even say? His presence was relatively close and I just didn't know what to do. That was my last chance. Now or never.
"Y-yep, be back in a minute," and I bolted up the stairs, not stopping til I was on the third floor making my way to the room. I palmed myself vigorously, releasing a few of the pent up noises that had cluttered my throat as quiet as humanly possible. There was no time to undress so I just shoved my hand down my pants and started jerking. Contact with my cock felt amazing. My back arched when I flicked my wrist, and shut my eyes tightly. Second time today that I've had to do this-was that even possible?-on the account of Gerard being one overly sexual fucker, which was not a bad thing. If only I wasn't such a fucking chicken, I could be on that couch right now with Gerard. Regret coursed through me, poisoning the pleasure. I tried imagining Gerard watching, helping me. It only made me harder. I pulled out my dirty boxers and before I knew it, was coming into them, my head thrown back. My body fell limp as I glowed in the aftermath. It would've been a billion times better had it been with Gerard.
I picked myself off the floor, brushing off and straightening my clothes. I was still feeling the high of my release, but as I said, only had taken a few minutes to "check my phone." True to my word, I checked it and saw that the time was nearly 11. I had a text from Terra but wasn't in the mood to chat, though I was extremely nervous to go back downstairs. Wouldn't he notice that something was, um.. missing? He'd just implied that he knew I wasn't checking my phone. Would he be offended or grossed out or turned on? Hopefully the latter...? God knows.
I squirted a generous amount of hand sanitizer in my palm and rubbed my hands together. More cologne was applied, patted my hair. I was so high maintenance around him, it was very new to me. I hated myself right now. I'd wasted a perfectly good opportunity to have some fun with Gerard, show him that I'm not a prude. I'm not. Everyone knows it. I wanted to take charge, but it was so much easier when he did. I liked it more. I'd blown my chance. 'Shoulda blown Gerard,' my perverted thoughts mocked. I wanted to be angry at that snide remark, but it was true. Fucking fuck fuck fuck! Why was he all I thought about? I was tired of the interruptions and my hesitation. 'Next time, if there is one, I will take the chance,' I promised myself. Doing things too fast would damage the relationship that we'd been building and I didn't want that to happen. Waiting was fine and dandy for some people, it had been working for me up til this point. Now there was Gerard. A raven-haired specimen with porcelain skin, the appearance of a dove and the prowess of a lion. How was this even happening?
I reopened the door and went back down the stairs, phone in hand. It gave me something to distract my mind, and made my story look more believable. Gerard had moved over a little, back to where he had been originally. Dammit. I felt so torn-I wanted to be his best friend and just be cool around each other, but I've fallen for him pretty hard, which made it impossible for me to even think about him without some dirty fantasy wondering through my head... Like what else was in that closet with that boa... and why did he have two boas-if not more-? More chills rippled through me.
He smiled at me as I rounded the corner, then said that I hadn't missed too much, nothing important really. Like that's what I honestly was thinking about right then. I sat down close to him and crossed one leg over the other. We continued watching the movie like nothing had happened. No more comments were made. Even with the TV and singing going on, you could feel the awkward silence. I hated myself. I really, really, really did. I pondered whether or not it was just me who noticed the weirdness. Maybe he never noticed my problem and was just teasing me to make me nervous. Fuck if I knew, I wish I did. It'd make things so much clearer. I wouldn't have to worry about if he wanted this or not, if he just wanted to be friends or one night stands or... whatever. If I could read his mind then I could stop worrying. Maybe then I'd calm down long enough to catch my breath.
The movie ended soon, somewhere around midnight. I wasn't all that tired, neither was Gerard. Bob's Burgers was on so he flipped it over to that. It was one of the only shows that could make me laugh, apparently Gerard enjoyed the show too. We started talking about which characters were our favourites and which seasons we liked best. The talking was feeling more and more natural, leaving little awkwardness between us. We were just hanging out like two buddies.
After four episodes, I found myself cold and sleepy. Gerard was close to me again, sinking lower and lower in his seat, also tired. It was nearly 2 am, and we'd been at school all day. I could barely keep my head up. His shoulder looked awfully inviting... 'Go for it. If he gets upset, blame it on tiredness,' I told myself. What could go wrong? I leaned my head against his shoulder and he shook a little. I jerked my head back up, saying, "Sorry, was going to sleep." Apparently he still wasn't okay from earlier.
He smirked in a tired fashion, "No you weren't." Even half asleep he was still sharp as a tack. I blushed a little at his words and used my arms to push myself back up, but an arm snaked around my ribs and pulled me back down. "I never said I didn't like it," he whispered against my hair. He was so adorable. Instead of his shoulder, he laid my head down against his inclined chest keeping his arm wrapped around me, hand resting at my hip. My shirt had ridden up a little, leaving a small amount of taut skin uncovered. His fingers immediately found it, brushing over it and tracing small patterns. I swear I could feel him write his name in cursive. I was his. I wish I could say he was mine. I like to think he is.
I breathed in the smoky fragrance that graced his Jack Daniels tee. I loved it so much. The warmth surrounding me felt incredibly welcoming. I was supporting myself on my right arm, though my left arm was free, as was his right hand. Again I took a chance and reached for it, intertwining our fingers together and resting them on his right leg. I slowly stroked his perfectly smooth skin, savoring the feel. My eyelids became heavier and heavier. I was almost asleep when I felt a light kiss being pressed to the very top of my head. It was the most tender and innocent thing I'd ever seen him do. It made me love him more.
Yes-love. Not 'like'. This wasn't a crush or infatuation or affair. I think I'm in love with Gerard Way.
"G'night Gee," I whispered groggily. I loved my little nickname for him.
"Night Frankie," he breathed back. The TV was still on, not that I cared. I liked sleeping with background noise. Gerard continued rubbing on my hip lightly, putting me right to sleep. The last thing I remembered was the brightness of the television, the smell of cigarettes, and the feeling of security. I was in Gerard's arms, nothing could hurt me there.
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When I awoke again the room was completely dark. I guess Gerard woken up as well and had turned off the screen at some point during the night. I yawned silently, rubbing one eye and grabbed my phone. The brightness flashed right into my eyes, causing me to retract back and squint. The tiny clock in the corner read 6:27 am. It took me a second to remember that it was Saturday and I didn't have to get up early today. That was when the warmth pressed against my back made me realize where I was. We'd somehow switched positions during the night. We were both laying down beside each other, my back was pressed against his chest. My head was under his chin. Gerard was behind me, one arm slung lazily over my waist, the other under his head. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to see his face- that angelic, completely at peace face that I adored so much. I felt him stir a little and laid back down quickly. He stilled once more, and a smile crept on to my face. This was perfect. We were both being completely natural and there was nothing sexual about it. I've never felt safer in my entire life, never this comforted, not even by my own mother. It made me forget the bullies, my dad, the secrets. I didn't need to be pretty or bold or badass or mysterious. I just needed to sleep here right now in the comfort of Gerard's embrace and forget the ugly world. I closed my eyes once more. Again I was nearly asleep when his grip tightened, pulling my body a little closer to his. He pressed another kiss to my head and I was greeted by darkness. Not a bother or worry in this world could deter me. There was nothing I had to do and nothing I had to be. One thing: Just sleep.
Notes
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Nope, still no intense Frerard yet, sorry! Gonna have to wait a little longer. Any comments and suggestions for the story would be greatly appreciated, and feel free to rate/subscribe. Thanks for reading!
-xo OfSaintsandSinners
p.s School's a bitch, but I'm sure you know that already...
Love it.
1/25/16