My body was stiff as I laid on the cold concrete floor. Rusted cuffs dug into my wrists as I struggled to move. I knew exactly what was happening but I didn't want to acknowledge it. I knew I was sleeping, I knew it was a dream but I couldn't wake up. Tears began to sting the back of my eyes and my body shivered from the lack of clothing. I kept writhing on the concrete in darkness until I felt warm liquid glide down my wrists. I knew there wasn't any point in struggling but my mind kept convincing me that maybe I could change what happens; maybe just this once I could have control over my brain and wake up. Even though the effort was pointless, I continued to break away from the metal restraints until I heard the sound of a heavy iron door slam. Oh god no. It was happening again. Familiar footsteps sounded my way causing my breath to quicken in a panic. This isn't happening, not again. The footsteps soon came to a halt. My anxiety stirred out of control as I felt a presence hovering over me. I felt his breath on my cheek as he came closer to my face. I started to cry quietly giving him the satisfaction of breaking me down so quickly. Roughly, he grabbed a chunk of my hair and banged my head against the wall causing more warm liquid to drip down the back of my neck. I could feel him grinning as he repeatedly slammed my head on the concrete wall. I tried to keep myself from screaming in pain but failed. After a long cycle of having my head smashed in, he pulled the side of my bloody face to his lips and whispered in my ear.

"Wake up, Gerard."

---

"Wake up, Gerard. Please!"

Frank shook the eighteen year old violently hoping he'd wake up from his nightmare.

"Please Gerard, it's not real!"

Gerard shot up from the bed with a mix of tears and sweat bouncing off his face. He instantly clung to the boy in front of him. Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard and rocked back and forth in a soothing matter as he sobbed into the younger boy's chest.

"Shhh, it's okay Gerard it's over. Calm down sugar it's okay I'm here now."

Frank mentally slapped himself for slipping up and calling his best friend such a suggestive name like that. Frank couldn't help it though; in his eyes Gerard was utter perfection and he wished he could realize that. Gerard's grip tightened on the fourteen year old while he sobbed even harder indicating that he did indeed hear the pet name. Frank continued to hold Gerard as they sat on the mess bed. Soon Gerard's desperate cries faded into small whimpers.

"How do you feel?"

"Like shit." Gerard's voice was muffled by all the contact.

"I'm sorry. Is it okay if you tell me what happened?"

Frank felt extremely blunt asking Gerard about his nightmare. Gerard never told a soul about his dreams especially after Mikey's death. A year ago, Mikey committed suicide. Gerard and Frank found him in his room hanging from the ceiling fan with a suicide note lightly placed in his hand. Gerard was like a zombie for months and his nightmares just got worse and worse. After his brother's death, Gerard had no one left but Frank and even then Gerard kept pushing him away. Frank nuzzled his face into the crook of Gerard's neck to reassure him it was okay if he didn't want to say anything. Gerard didn't know if he was ready to tell Frank about the constant nightmares and flashbacks. If he told Frank about he's 99% positive he'd have to tell about his father. Gerard wasn't sure if he could do it; he never told a soul about his life but Frank was too important to him. Gerard trusted Frank and wanted him apart of his life. A heavy sigh escaped Gerard's lips and he knew what he had to do.

"I'll tell you..."

"It's okay, Gerard. I don't want to pressure you."

"No it's okay Frank, I'll tell you..everything."

---

Frank quickly squeezed Gerard's waist and sat crisscross in front of the other boy. Gerard shifted uncomfortably as he prepared himself to begin his story.

"When Mikey and I were kids, our father was a horrible alcoholic especially after our mom died. He'd rape women in the house while Mikey and I would try to sleep but the screams would keep us wide awake. After a while he stopped bringing hookers to bet up and started hitting me when I was ten. First it would just be because he was drunk then he'd apologize in the morning and I'd always forgive him but soon he started getting rougher and more violent even when he wasn't drunk. Sometimes he'd beat me so hard I'd think I was going to die. It was so scary. Every night it was none stop beatings and I'd have to find ways to cover it up. He tried to hit Mikey once or twice but I did everything in my power to protect him. By age eleven I was being abused to the point I couldn't function without medical attention. He did try to force himself on me a few times but never went all the way until one night m-my father walked into my room an-"

Gerard couldn't continue to this point without the vivid memories hitting him like a truck. He started to sob into his hands as Frank immediately held him close.

"It's okay sugar you don't have to tell me the rest."

Frank was on the verge of tears as well; having to see the love of his life in this much pain ripped Franks' heart to shreds.

"No I-I have to continue, this isn't even the worst part."

Gerard laughed dryly to himself causing Frank to mentally prep himself for all of Gerard's story. Frank grabbed Gerard's hand and gave it a squeeze to let him know it was going to be okay. And with that Gerard continued.

"He, um, he walked into my room and woke me up. At that time Mikey and I would share a room since we felt much safer together. He- he walked up to my bed and held me down. I tried not to scream since I didn't want to wake up Mikey. He ripped the blankets off me and tied me tot eh bed with his belt. I felt like I was going to die Frank, I was so scared. He, uh forced me to t-take my pants off and when I pleaded with him he punched me. When I finally gave in he fucking fucked me until I bled, Frank. There was blood everywhere I couldn't move. All I could do was cry and hope Mikey didn't wake up. After he fucked me Mikey woke up and tried to stop him. Oh how I wish he didn't but Mikey was nine years old he was just trying to look after me. He didn't know what was happening, all he understood was that I was in pain. My father locked me in the closet and tied Mikey up. I kept banging on the door but all I heard was Mikey screaming. My father eventually let me out of the closet just to tie me up and watch him hurt Mikey. I wish I could've ripped my ears off so I wouldn't be able to hear his screams. It was so horrible Frank. After he untied Mikey, he crawled off the bed and sobbed in my arms. Mikey could've had a normal childhood if it wasn't for me waking him up, Frank. It was all my fault."

By now both Gerard and Frank were sobbing. Gerard heaved as Frank gripped his fragile body. Frank didn't know how much Gerard went through and he wasn't even finished with his story yet. He didn't know that Don abused Gerard and Mikey. Whenever Gerard wasn't able to cover his bruises he'd tell Frank that it was the bullies or something. Frank just wanted to take all these horrible memories from him and tell Gerard that everything was okay.

"Shhhhhhhhh. No it's not Gerard, it's not your fault at all never say that."

Frank shushed Gerard in a soft voice as they both cried on each other. Frank wished Gerard had told him sooner about the abuse even though Frank never told Gerard his own story, he just wished he had known sooner.

"You don't have to tell me anymore, sugar."

Frank let the pet name escape his lips once more causing him to mentally hit himself, again. But he did notice how the little nick name calmed Gerard down quickly since his sobs reverted back to small sniffles.

"I need to tell you the rest but please don't think I'm a monster. Don't hate me."

Gerard's voice crack showing how desperate he was for Frank to listen to him. Little did he know that Frank loved him too much to think he was a monster. Gerard was an angel and Frank could never stop loving him.

"I could never hate you, Gerard. I could never."

Frank spoke not even above a whisper but knew Gerard still heard him. They released themselves from each other's grasps so Gerard could continue his story.

"Years passed and my father continued to abuse me. I managed to keep him away from Mikey as much as I could. Soon he just started drugging him so he wouldn't interfere with him hurting me. He then started to get creative and built this torture chamber in the basement. I felt like a fucking test subject as he injected chemicals into my skin and beat the living shit out of me until I couldn't even remember my name. I would have to crawl up the stairs and have Mikey clean me up before I'd pass out. Sometimes I'd have seizures as a reaction to certain chemicals and drugs he'd fuck me up with. One time he had a gathering with all his buddies and let them all take turns beating and raping me senseless while he watched. I remember one of them trying to whip me hard enough that bone showed. Some of them even brought toys of their own. I was only sixteen and I was ready to fucking kill myself, Frank. I couldn't take it. I would try to overdose every time I held a bottle of pills. I'd drink, and drink, and drink until I couldn't feel the pain anymore. Mikey hated it so much. He hated the smell of alcohol. The sight of pills would make him cringe but I still did it anyway. No matter how many times he's had to save my life and tell me to stop, I still continued to do it. I feel like I failed him but I couldn't help it, I'm weak.

The morning after my father had his 'friends' over, I remember clear as day. I limped to the bathroom so I could take a shower. During the shower my father unlocked the bathroom door and pulled me out the shower by my hair. He fucking threw me to the ground and raped me over and over and over. I kept trying to scream but he used a wash cloth as a gag. Blood was all over the bathroom floor and walls. It was like a scene out of a horror movie, Frank. When he finally left I broke down. I had had enough of all the abuse, my surfaced cracked and I lost control.

That night when he was taking a shower I snuck into the bathroom with a knife. I ripped open the curtain and he started yelling at me. Through it all I kept a smile on my face and the knife behind my back. I don't know why but it felt like I was playing a game. It felt like I was playing the hero and the super villain and I would be lying to say I didn't love the adrenaline. When he threatened to kill me I just snapped and started to stab him in the neck. After I started I just couldn't stop. I stabbed him in the chest and until all I saw was blood. I dropped the knife and clawed at his body hoping the pain would go away. All my anger was fused into my fists as I kept hitting and scratching him. He died almost instantly; or at least it felt like it. Mikey walked in on me in the corner of the bathroom covered in blood and was horrified. I fucking killed my father, Frankie. Please don't send me away. I had to get the voices out of my head, p-please."

Gerard could barely finish his sentence without dry heaving from all the anxiety. His sobs turned into screams of pain as he twitched in Frank's embrace. Tears poured from Frank's cheeks and fell down into Gerard's hair as he kissed his forehead.

"I'm so fucking sorry."

Frank's couldn't speak in any voice but a whisper afraid that if he raised his voice any high Gerard would shatter in his arms. Both boys gripped each other's bodies like their lives depended on it, and in a sense their lives did. Frank couldn't stand seeing Gerard like this. He loved Gerard so fucking much that it hurt and hearing that the light of his existence had such a terrible life made him want to jump off a bridge. He felt so helpless. He couldn't keep love for the other boy a secret any longer. He had to show Gerard there was someone out there who still loved him and that he wasn't alone.
Frank lifted up Gerard's tear stained face to his level. He leaned in and lightly placed his lips on older boy's chapped ones. Gerard was completely taken aback but then quickly returned the kiss. Frank pulled away after a while and leaned his forehead on Gerard's, staring deeply into his memorizing hazel green eyes.

"I'll never let them hurt you, I promise."

Notes

Y E P P
THATS THE LAST OF GERARD'S MEMORIES AND HERES SOME FRERARD !!
SORRY FOR THE AGAIN LACK OF UPDATING
title by My Chemical Romance

-xo fangoria