When I opened my eyes everything was black. To be honest, I wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was just nothingness. It felt like I was floating, like I was weightless. I didn't feel sad nor happy I just felt numb. I tried moving my arms and legs but nothing happened. I kept squirming around but yet again nothing happened. At this point I was getting a little frustrated but the anger wouldn't last for long, it was as if feeling any emotion was too exhausting for the state I was in.

After the never ending struggle of trying to move I finally stopped. I decided to just let whatever was happening happen. I would be lying to say I wasn't scared I mean this has been happening often lately. I'm not sure what is happening but all I know is that I don't want to be here anymore. I think this might be a bad dream or something but I just want to wake up already. I've never had a dream like this before; my dreams are usually the same old fucked up gory shit I dream about every night. This dream though was too unfamiliar, too mysterious and that's what made it the scariest. I had no idea what was going to happen; the unknown took me out of my comfort zone, I've never been known to like change. Yeah, I know the usual gruesome nightmares I have are traumatizing and disgusting but at least I know what's going to happen in them. Here I'm more vulnerable, more on edge. The darkness was so endless it warped my brain. I couldn't think, move, or see and my hearing began to get distorted. I was hearing static in my head that was so loud it felt like my eardrums would bleed. I couldn't handle this; I'm lonely, scared, and going batshit insane!

---

"Geeerrraaaarrrrd."

Gerard's sight gradually began to come back. The blackness was disintegrating while dark colors replaced them. The room he was in had navy blue curtains, a navy blue carpet, and natty blue walls. Room looked like it belonged to a child no older than eleven or twelve. He saw comics and art work strew all over the floor. This whole scene was extremely familiar to Gerard but he couldn't put his finger on it. He was suddenly taken out of his thoughts when he heard a voice calling for him.

"Geeeerrrraarrrrddd, daddy's here to teach you a lesson."

Gerard stiffened instantly. He knew that voice. That sick, drunken voice he's heard way too many times. Gerard knew where he was and what was happening, he just hoped Mikey was fast asleep and wouldn't be able to see any of this. Gerard's anxiety went through the roof causing him to hyperventilate and tremble. He began to cry silently as the door creaked open revealing his worst nightmare. Gerard's drunk father walked over to Gerard's bed smirking as he pulled the blankets back. Gerard held onto the blankets like his life depended on them, doing everything he could to protect his body but unfortunately his father got the covers off the bed in no time. Gerard whimpered as his father straddled him while strapping Gerard to the bed with his belt.

"Now shut up and take your pants off." He growled into Gerard's ear as he began taking his own off. Gerard tried to stop crying since he didn't want to wake up Mikey. Even though he was only twelve years old, Gerard had to be strong for Mikey and didn't want him to see this. Gerard saw himself as disgusting and didn't need for his little brother to be sucked into this, too. He rather had this done to him than his precious little brother. Gerard complied with his father's orders and began to take his pants off while crying silently.

"Please dad please don't do this again please." Gerard quietly pleaded. He knew it wouldn't make a difference, it never did, but all he could was hope. Soon his father hand was hurtling towards Gerard's face punching him square in the jaw. Blood began to ooze from Gerard's now busted lip.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Gerard's father screamed in his face making him smell his father's alcohol infused breath. Gerard almost gagged as he inhaled the awful scent. His father grabbed his neck and immediately thrust into Gerard causing him to let out a loud cry. His father dug his nails into Gerard's hips causing him to cry even more. Gerard silently thanked god that it was during the late hours of the night so he couldn't see his father's face even though the moon did reflect a small amount of light into the room. His father continued to thrust violently over and over while calling Gerard names and curses that made it even worse. Gerard felt a warm pool of blood forming under and around his thighs from the friction.

At that moment he just stopped thinking about the pain and tried to ignore the horrid grunts and moans of his sick father. Gerard blocked out the world and went to his happy place. He soon found himself running around in a field of flowers and insects with a boy. This boy was his best friend, his escape. He rolled around in the grass and flowers as his friend did the same.
They kept laughing at each other when they noticed the numerous grass stains on their clothes. Gerard and the boy tackled each other and talked as they didn't have a care in the world. They loved each other's presence and sat quietly as the sun began to set. Gerard and the boy both laid back on the grass as they watched in awe at the sky above them. They were in utter bliss and never wanted for it to go away. Gerard felt arms wrap around him.
"I love you, Gee."
"I love you too, Frankie."
He looked over to the boy who was now cuddled beside him silently sleeping.

Gerard was taken out of his trance when he heard his father finally release into Gerard. He felt so dirty and worthless. His father had his hands up his shirt clawing at Gerard's ribs and chest making his skin burn from the irritation. His father grunted as he got off of the fragile boy.

"On your knees."

His father's voice was cold and demanding but Gerard just laid there lifelessly and wept. All thoughts of not waking up Mikey went out the door; Gerard was scared, broken, and disgusting. This has been happening for so long he couldn't even remember when it first started. He was yet again met by a fist. Gerard heard his nose crack and knew it was probably broken.

"I SAID ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES YOU FAGGOT!"

Gerard wailed as his father repeatedly punched him in the face and stomach. His father grabbed him by the shoulder and flung him to the floor forcing him to get on his knees. Gerard cries harder as his father shove himself into his mouth pulling Gerard's head up by his hair. He nearly choked but soon stopped himself realizing that it'd only make everything worst. His head began to bob back and forth as his father moaned a series of curses. Gerard gagged as his father rammed his hips forwards causing more of him into the poor boy's mouth. All moments stopped when what sounded like a pillow hit his father's back.

"STOP HURTING HIM!" Gerard's father released his grip on his hair causing him to fall back onto the carpet. "Oh god no." Gerard whispered. Mikey stood there in the dark by the closet holding his other pillow with tears streaming down his face. With all of the noise they were making Gerard and his father woke Mikey up. His father slowly walked over to Mikey with a smile on his face. He grabbed Mikey by his hair causing him to scream in pain. This made Gerard shoot up from the ground and charge towards his father at full speed. He was pushed back on the bed with his father's free hand has the other grabbed his belt off the bed post. He threw Gerard in the closet and locked the door as he went back to Mikey to tie him to the bed post the same way he did Gerard.

"STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!"Gerard's voice boomed throughout the room as he banged on the closet door causing Mikey to cry out even louder."GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU FAGGOT DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO YOUR FATHER THAT WAY!!!"

After his father tied Mikey to the bed he came back and pulled Gerard out of the closet. He grabbed another belt and tied Gerard to the radiator across from the bed under the window.

"I want you to fucking watch."his father growled into his ear once again. Gerard's face went pale. He had a perfect view of the bed and could see everything happening in the dark since the window reflected light right onto it. His father sauntered back over to Mikey who was now stripped naked and writhing under the belt's grip. Gerard screamed over and over as his father instantly thrust into Mikey making his screech out in pain. Mikey cried and sobbed for his big brother to help him as he got punched by his father. Gerard sat there helplessly yelling for his father to stop. He felt like failed Mikey; all he ever wanted to do was keep his brother safe but he couldn't even do that right. Mikey soon stopped sobbing Gerard's name and laid there numb as his father gasped in his ear and bruised his delicate body.

After about an hour of his father was done using all his toys on Mikey and forcing him to do other grotesque, he untied him, threw the belt across the room, and left slamming the door shut. Mikey didn't move from the bed as he laid there in his own blood. Tear was rapidly dripping down his face as he curled in on himself and began to cry.

Gerard began to sob also as the two broken boys wept for each other. Mikey crawled off the bed slowly trying not to hurt his body any more than it already has been and inched towards Gerard. Gerard held the nine year old as he began to hyperventilate. Mikey would have panic attacks constantly and this was the worst one he's ever had. He trembled in Gerard's laps as Gerard softly sang to him and rocking back and forth. He kept singing and humming to Mikey until he calmed down. Gerard picked Mikey up and brought him to the bathroom after Mikey untied him of course. Gerard pulled his boxers back on before he went back into the bathroom to Mikey. He turned on the bath and placed Mikey in the tub as gently as he possibly could. The twelve year old washed his little brothers bruised body while humming softly until he was finished. Gerard dried Mikey off and had put spider-man band aids on all of Mikey's cuts to make him feel better. Mikey weakly smiled at the gesture and followed his brother out the bathroom. Gerard helped him put on a fresh pair of boxers and shirt and helped him into bed. Even though Gerard was also covered in blood he was too exhausted to take a shower. He kissed Mikey's forehead and proceeded walked back to his bed that was covered in his and Mikey's blood.

"Gee, c-can you please sleep with me, p-please."

Mikey sounded as if he was going to break down in tears again so Gerard immediately crawled into bed with him and held him close.

"Don't worry Mikey, I won't let anyone hurt you, I promise."

Gerard choked out as he began to tear up himself. Mikey turned around and snuggled into Gerard's chest as he tried to fall asleep. Tears ran down Gerard's face as he tried to stay strong for his brother. This was all his fault; he just wanted to die. He had to be here for Mikey; he had to protect his precious little brother. Gerard hugged Mikey closer and nestled his head into Mikey's neck. His brother was his best friend and he didn't want to lose him. Gerard let a few more tears slide down his flushed cheeks as he closed his eyes. Soon darkness overcame him and he felt a familiar numbness engulf his body once again.

Notes

tHIS WAS GERARD'S MEMORY !!!!
it was a really bad on e im sorr y
title by Pencey Prep

-xo fangoria