Gives You Hell
Love, Hate, Love
Brendon’s P.O.V.
"I thought we were cool, Brendon. Fuck you."
Mikey sounded like he was on the verge of tears when he turned and left me alone in the hall. Guilt immediately flooded through me as I decided to follow him, not caring about possibly being late to my next class.
Mikey stormed into the bathroom, and in seconds, I heard one of the stall doors slam shut. As I stepped into the bathroom, I heard small sobs, which only made me feel worse. I could hear him going through his pockets for something.
“M… Mikey?” A called softly, knocking on one of the stall doors. I heard a tiny gasp escape him, as though he thought that I wouldn’t try to follow him.
“Brendon, what the-”
“Mikey, I’m sorry,” I said, cutting him off, “I… I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have called you pathetic, and I shouldn’t have accused you for lying, but I… I panicked.”
“Even if you did panic,” Mikey whimpered, “You still didn’t have to say that. Just… just leave me alone, Brendon. After this project, I want nothing to do with you.”
“Mikey-”
“Just shut up! If you really gave a damn, you wouldn’t have done that to me!”
I sighed, feeling like an even bigger jackass than I already was. “Okay… okay, Mikey. Just come out, okay?”
He seemed hesitant, but finally came out, stuffing something back into his pocket. I thought I saw a little glint of silver. “Mikey, what was that?”
“What?”
“That thing you just put into your pocket.”
“N-nothing, Brendon. Just my cellphone.”
“That’s bullshit, Mikey,” I said. I pushed him against the wall to ensure that he wouldn’t get away, easily withstanding his feeble attempts at pushing me away. I reached into his pocket, hissing in pain when something cut my finger.
My eyes widened in sudden realization. I pulled out the sharp object, which was a razor blade.
“Mikey, were you going to..?” I couldn’t even finish the question. I released Mikey from my grasp and threw the razor blade away, ignoring the whimper of protest that escaped him. I pulled him into a tight hug and forced myself to ask it.
“Were you going to do… that?”
Another whimper escaped Mikey as he buried his face into my shoulder. I gently began to rub soothing circles onto his back, allowing him to cry. At this moment, I realized something…
I really did like Mikey.
Fuck the football team. Y’know what? Fuck my so-called friends, fuck them all! Mikey was a nice guy, who, in all honesty, didn’t deserve to be treated this way.
“Shh,” I murmured, bringing Mikey a bit closer. “You’ll be okay. I promise.”
At lunch the next day, I had a plan in mind. I simply had to make sure that it would be properly triggered. I needed a way to let Mikey know that what I was about to do was for him, and to tell the football team that I no longer wanted to hurt him.
As I predicted, Kellin was the one to start the fight. Mikey and Justin sat three tables or so across from us, so I had a decent view as to what was going down. Kellin started off by poking and prodding Mikey, obviously trying to provoke him. Justin was trying to get Kellin to stop, but he was obviously getting nowhere.
“I’ll be right back,” I told Ryan.
“Where’re you going?” Ryan asked, his mouth full of what was supposed to be ravioli.
“I’ve got a little issue that needs to be solved,” I said. I walked over to where Mikey and Justin sat and tapped Kellin on his shoulder.
“Look, man,” I said, “Give the kid a break.”
“C’mon, Bren, we’re just having a little fun,” Kellin said, “Aren’t we, Way?”
“Your definition of fun is pretty fucked up,” Mikey spat.
“You little faggot!” Kellin pushed Mikey out of his chair. Mikey landed with a grunt. Kellin was fully prepared to jump on him, and Mikey braced himself for impact.
I grabbed Kellin by the back of his shirt and pushed him away from Mikey. He was so shocked, he barely had a chance to prepare himself for the punch to the face I gave him.
“What the fuck, Bren?”
“Shut the fuck up and listen, Kellin,” I said. I pointed at Mikey. “That kid right there, he’s not your punching bag anymore. Say what you want behind his back if you must, but I’m tired of seeing you hurt him.”
“Why do you care? You’re just as bad as I am!”
“That’s true… but unlike you, I’m willing to change that.” I gave Mikey a quick glance before continuing. “I was at his place over the weekend for our project. That’s the fucking truth. Y’know, I feel like a jackass, considering the fact that I actually learned that I had quite a bit in common with Mikey. We get this idea that the jocks can’t be friends with nerds, and that’s total bullshit. A sitcom just isn’t real life. Maybe if you did what I did and got your head out of your ass, maybe you’d see the world in a different light.”
I walked over to Mikey, who had a stunned look on his face. I helped him up and whispered, “I promise that I’ll try to be a better friend.”
Mikey gave me a small, shy smile. “Thank you, Brendon.”
Pete gave me a grin when he saw me. “Can’t believe you did that, Bren. You really made some poor kid’s day, you know that?”
“Yeah… yeah, I have, haven’t I?”
“Actually,” Pete said, “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Mikey smile.”
“It’s incredibly rare,” I sighed, “I’ve only seen him smile once before, Pete. It’s just… incredible.”
Pete gave me a knowing smirk. “He’s really wormed his way into your heart, huh?”
“Well… yeah, I guess so.”
Pete leaned back against the wall and asked, “Brendon, have you ever considered your sexuality?”
“Wh-what?! Well, I… yes, but… I just… I’ve never-”
“You’ve never really been attracted to a person of the same sex.”
“Yes. Exactly.” I sighed, frustrated. “I… I know now that Mikey and I could be friends. I just… I don’t know if I love him.”
“You might not,” Pete said, “At least, not now. I can see that it might be going that way, though. If you do love him, though, keep one thing in mind- you have to be willing to be open about your relationship. You can’t be afraid of what your friends will think. Mikey will want to hold your hand, if he even swings that way. For a little while, a secret relationship will be cool… but I can see that, if Mikey really wants to be happy, he’ll want to be open about it.”
“Uh, hello? Earth to Brendon!”
“Huh?”
Mikey gave me a look. “I asked if you were hungry. Gee wanted to know if you’re staying for dinner.”
“Oh… sorry,” I said, “I… uh… sure. I’d be happy to stay for dinner.”
Mikey gave me a smile, the same one that made me feel so… strange. “Great. Don’t tell my mom, but Gerard’s probably the best at cooking in this household.”
I chuckled, smiling at Mikey. I sighed and asked, “Mikey, can you keep a secret?”
Mikey raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, man. What’s up?”
“Yesterday, I had this really long talk with Pete. He asked me if I ever, y’know, considered my sexuality.” Mikey nodded, prompting me to continue. “I… we talked about this guy, who I might like a little more than I’m supposed to, and I just…”
“You think you’re bi?” Mikey asked.
“Yeah. I think,” I sighed, “But you can’t tell anyone. I’m not even sure what my parents would think of it, and I’m pretty sure the football team is pissed at me for defending you. I just need more time to think about how I’m supposed to go about this.”
“Your secret’s safe with me, Brendon,” Mikey said, a smile on his face. “I… I’m not straight, either, so I’m not in any position to judge.”
“Really? You’re bi?”
“Uh, no,” he said, “Completely and undeniably gay.”
“Huh. You’ve always seemed more asexual than anything else.”
“I didn’t really want to be that open about it.” Mikey sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I was out of the closet at my old school, but the bullying there grew because of that. My boyfriend at the time prompted me to come out, then ditched me as soon as I did. I decided that I wasn’t going to come out to everyone the day I moved here.”
My heart was suddenly racing. He wouldn’t hate me if I took a chance right now. He might be a little angry with me if he didn’t feel the same way, but he wouldn’t hate my guts. I pulled him in for a kiss without a second thought.
"I thought we were cool, Brendon. Fuck you."
Mikey sounded like he was on the verge of tears when he turned and left me alone in the hall. Guilt immediately flooded through me as I decided to follow him, not caring about possibly being late to my next class.
Mikey stormed into the bathroom, and in seconds, I heard one of the stall doors slam shut. As I stepped into the bathroom, I heard small sobs, which only made me feel worse. I could hear him going through his pockets for something.
“M… Mikey?” A called softly, knocking on one of the stall doors. I heard a tiny gasp escape him, as though he thought that I wouldn’t try to follow him.
“Brendon, what the-”
“Mikey, I’m sorry,” I said, cutting him off, “I… I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have called you pathetic, and I shouldn’t have accused you for lying, but I… I panicked.”
“Even if you did panic,” Mikey whimpered, “You still didn’t have to say that. Just… just leave me alone, Brendon. After this project, I want nothing to do with you.”
“Mikey-”
“Just shut up! If you really gave a damn, you wouldn’t have done that to me!”
I sighed, feeling like an even bigger jackass than I already was. “Okay… okay, Mikey. Just come out, okay?”
He seemed hesitant, but finally came out, stuffing something back into his pocket. I thought I saw a little glint of silver. “Mikey, what was that?”
“What?”
“That thing you just put into your pocket.”
“N-nothing, Brendon. Just my cellphone.”
“That’s bullshit, Mikey,” I said. I pushed him against the wall to ensure that he wouldn’t get away, easily withstanding his feeble attempts at pushing me away. I reached into his pocket, hissing in pain when something cut my finger.
My eyes widened in sudden realization. I pulled out the sharp object, which was a razor blade.
“Mikey, were you going to..?” I couldn’t even finish the question. I released Mikey from my grasp and threw the razor blade away, ignoring the whimper of protest that escaped him. I pulled him into a tight hug and forced myself to ask it.
“Were you going to do… that?”
Another whimper escaped Mikey as he buried his face into my shoulder. I gently began to rub soothing circles onto his back, allowing him to cry. At this moment, I realized something…
I really did like Mikey.
Fuck the football team. Y’know what? Fuck my so-called friends, fuck them all! Mikey was a nice guy, who, in all honesty, didn’t deserve to be treated this way.
“Shh,” I murmured, bringing Mikey a bit closer. “You’ll be okay. I promise.”
At lunch the next day, I had a plan in mind. I simply had to make sure that it would be properly triggered. I needed a way to let Mikey know that what I was about to do was for him, and to tell the football team that I no longer wanted to hurt him.
As I predicted, Kellin was the one to start the fight. Mikey and Justin sat three tables or so across from us, so I had a decent view as to what was going down. Kellin started off by poking and prodding Mikey, obviously trying to provoke him. Justin was trying to get Kellin to stop, but he was obviously getting nowhere.
“I’ll be right back,” I told Ryan.
“Where’re you going?” Ryan asked, his mouth full of what was supposed to be ravioli.
“I’ve got a little issue that needs to be solved,” I said. I walked over to where Mikey and Justin sat and tapped Kellin on his shoulder.
“Look, man,” I said, “Give the kid a break.”
“C’mon, Bren, we’re just having a little fun,” Kellin said, “Aren’t we, Way?”
“Your definition of fun is pretty fucked up,” Mikey spat.
“You little faggot!” Kellin pushed Mikey out of his chair. Mikey landed with a grunt. Kellin was fully prepared to jump on him, and Mikey braced himself for impact.
I grabbed Kellin by the back of his shirt and pushed him away from Mikey. He was so shocked, he barely had a chance to prepare himself for the punch to the face I gave him.
“What the fuck, Bren?”
“Shut the fuck up and listen, Kellin,” I said. I pointed at Mikey. “That kid right there, he’s not your punching bag anymore. Say what you want behind his back if you must, but I’m tired of seeing you hurt him.”
“Why do you care? You’re just as bad as I am!”
“That’s true… but unlike you, I’m willing to change that.” I gave Mikey a quick glance before continuing. “I was at his place over the weekend for our project. That’s the fucking truth. Y’know, I feel like a jackass, considering the fact that I actually learned that I had quite a bit in common with Mikey. We get this idea that the jocks can’t be friends with nerds, and that’s total bullshit. A sitcom just isn’t real life. Maybe if you did what I did and got your head out of your ass, maybe you’d see the world in a different light.”
I walked over to Mikey, who had a stunned look on his face. I helped him up and whispered, “I promise that I’ll try to be a better friend.”
Mikey gave me a small, shy smile. “Thank you, Brendon.”
Pete gave me a grin when he saw me. “Can’t believe you did that, Bren. You really made some poor kid’s day, you know that?”
“Yeah… yeah, I have, haven’t I?”
“Actually,” Pete said, “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Mikey smile.”
“It’s incredibly rare,” I sighed, “I’ve only seen him smile once before, Pete. It’s just… incredible.”
Pete gave me a knowing smirk. “He’s really wormed his way into your heart, huh?”
“Well… yeah, I guess so.”
Pete leaned back against the wall and asked, “Brendon, have you ever considered your sexuality?”
“Wh-what?! Well, I… yes, but… I just… I’ve never-”
“You’ve never really been attracted to a person of the same sex.”
“Yes. Exactly.” I sighed, frustrated. “I… I know now that Mikey and I could be friends. I just… I don’t know if I love him.”
“You might not,” Pete said, “At least, not now. I can see that it might be going that way, though. If you do love him, though, keep one thing in mind- you have to be willing to be open about your relationship. You can’t be afraid of what your friends will think. Mikey will want to hold your hand, if he even swings that way. For a little while, a secret relationship will be cool… but I can see that, if Mikey really wants to be happy, he’ll want to be open about it.”
“Uh, hello? Earth to Brendon!”
“Huh?”
Mikey gave me a look. “I asked if you were hungry. Gee wanted to know if you’re staying for dinner.”
“Oh… sorry,” I said, “I… uh… sure. I’d be happy to stay for dinner.”
Mikey gave me a smile, the same one that made me feel so… strange. “Great. Don’t tell my mom, but Gerard’s probably the best at cooking in this household.”
I chuckled, smiling at Mikey. I sighed and asked, “Mikey, can you keep a secret?”
Mikey raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, man. What’s up?”
“Yesterday, I had this really long talk with Pete. He asked me if I ever, y’know, considered my sexuality.” Mikey nodded, prompting me to continue. “I… we talked about this guy, who I might like a little more than I’m supposed to, and I just…”
“You think you’re bi?” Mikey asked.
“Yeah. I think,” I sighed, “But you can’t tell anyone. I’m not even sure what my parents would think of it, and I’m pretty sure the football team is pissed at me for defending you. I just need more time to think about how I’m supposed to go about this.”
“Your secret’s safe with me, Brendon,” Mikey said, a smile on his face. “I… I’m not straight, either, so I’m not in any position to judge.”
“Really? You’re bi?”
“Uh, no,” he said, “Completely and undeniably gay.”
“Huh. You’ve always seemed more asexual than anything else.”
“I didn’t really want to be that open about it.” Mikey sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I was out of the closet at my old school, but the bullying there grew because of that. My boyfriend at the time prompted me to come out, then ditched me as soon as I did. I decided that I wasn’t going to come out to everyone the day I moved here.”
My heart was suddenly racing. He wouldn’t hate me if I took a chance right now. He might be a little angry with me if he didn’t feel the same way, but he wouldn’t hate my guts. I pulled him in for a kiss without a second thought.
@trini47
Not to sound rude or anything, but we've been incredibly busy lately and fan fiction takes a backseat to the real world. I'm not sure when it will be updated, but it will (eventually) be updated.
6/20/14