Gives You Hell
I Don't Love You
Brendon’s P.O.V.
Mikey looked miserable as I approached him. A part of me was telling me to abort mission, to not do what I was about to do. It kept reminding me that this could be a trigger for Mikey, that maybe he might go back to cutting. He might… he might decide to end it all.
Another part of me, though, said that, as long as I offer to still be a supportive friend, none of that would happen. It would be awkward, sure, but better than feeling guilty if I ever saw any scars on Mikey’s beautiful arms or got a call saying that he killed himself.
I told Frank that I wouldn’t break up with Mikey if it wasn’t a mutual feeling. I still couldn’t get over what happened yesterday morning, but I didn’t want to hurt Mikey, either. I still loved him, but I was just… I was so angry at him, even if it was a mistake.
That brought another thing to my attention- did Pete really rape Justin? From the way Pete reacted when I confronted him, I would’ve said yes… but if Mikey was really cheating… well…
“Brendon,” Mikey murmured in greeting. It sounded cold and distant, as though he really didn’t want to see me. I longed for the warmth that usually flooded in his voice when he greeted me, but I needed to stay strong.
“Mikey,” I sighed. I scratched the back of my head, noting that this was really awkward. “Mikey… I wanted to ask if you… if we should just not do this.”
“I don’t want to break up,” Mikey sighed, “I don’t want to end what really was special to me. I really love you, and I loved the way you treated me. You made me feel like I was worth it, that someone could love me.”
“Mikey-”
“But,” Mikey said, cutting me off, “you hurt me. Accusing me of cheating, that really hurt. I’d never do something like that, Brendon. Never. I made a mistake, and like you told me, we all make mistakes. You… you decide. I don’t even care anymore.”
Ouch. That one cut like a knife.
“Okay,” I said, “Mikes, I want to make this clear- I still care about you. I don’t want to throw the friendship we have away. I just… this isn’t working. I don’t know what to believe. Promise me one thing, though.”
“What?”
“Don’t hurt yourself,” I said, taking his hand, “Don’t hurt yourself because of me. If you really cheated on me, then this is for the best. If not… then I’m so sorry that I had to do this. It… it probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway.”
I moved to wipe away the tears that had started to fall down Mikey’s face, but he smacked my hand away. “Please, just… just don’t touch me,” he whimpered, “I need time to just… get over this.”
“I understand,” I said, “I really hope that we can still be friends, Mikey.”
Mikey didn’t answer. That prompted Gerard to pull him into his arms and kiss his forehead. “C’mon, let’s get you home.” Gerard led Mikey away, rubbing circles onto his back and murmuring soothing words. I wanted nothing more than to chase Mikey down and take him back, but I couldn’t do it.
“Are you gonna be okay, Bren?” Frank asked me, concern evident on his face. I nodded and sighed, “It’s probably better off this way.”
Frank sighed and pulled me into a hug. “I find that unlikely, Brendon. Look, I’m here if you want to talk.”
“Thanks, Frankie.”
…
I sat down next to Mikey in class the next day. His eyes were red and puffy, indicating that he had spent a great deal of the night crying. He didn’t bother to greet me, which broke my heart.
“Mikey,” I said, gently taping his shoulder, “Are you okay?”
Mikey shook his head.
“Uh… is… um… How’s Justin holding up?”
“He’s okay,” Mikey said softly.
I gave Mikey a concerned look. “Mikey, maybe you need to invest some time in yourself. I understand that Justin needs your help, but he doesn’t expect you to be there all the time.” I draped an arm over his shoulder and sighed. “You’re my friend, Mikey. I really care about you, even if we’re not going out anymore. I may not love you like I did, but I do still love you.”
“I know you’re trying, Brendon,” Mikey sighed, “But… I just really need you to stop. When I’m ready to go back to before that first kiss, I’ll let you know, but right now, I just want to be left alone. I just… I just want you to give me some space. Thank you for showing such concern, but I don’t need it from you right now.”
“Okay, Mikey,” I said softly, feeling absolutely crushed, “I’ll… I’ll leave you alone for a while.”
…
“Heard about you and Mikey. Tough break, man.”
“You’re the last person I want to see, Wentz,” I spat. Pete was either too high or too brave to notice the fact that I was still pissed at him and sat down beside me.
“Look, man, I know you’re mad at me, and I admit, it was a bit of a dick move-”
“You actually raped him?”
“-but I really want to make things right.” Pete had completely ignored my question and handed me an envelope. I opened it and found three tickets. “See, my new band got a gig at Andy’s uncle’s restaurant. One’s for you, one’s for your ex, and one’s for Justin. I know that he’ll probably not want to go, but please make it clear to him that I, uh, want to talk.”
“Why would I go?”
“Well, it’s free for you, there’s free food, and we sound pretty awesome. C’mon, give us a try!”
“…I can’t promise that Mikey and Justin will be there,” I said, “But… ah, what the hell, I’ll come.”
“Thanks, Bren. You’re gonna love it!”
…
Since Mikey didn’t show up at school the next day, I came by his place afterwards to give him (and probably Justin, since he was most likely there, too) his ticket. Gerard answered the door, looking relatively tired.
“Oh… hey, Brendon.”
“Is Mikey here?”
Gerard nodded, “Yeah. He’s sick, though, so I can’t promise that he’s awake.”
“Thanks, Gee.” I walked up the stairs and into Mikey’s room, where I found Justin taking care of him. Mikey was sleeping soundly, clutching the Mickey Mouse plushie that I bought him a while back. I felt a dull ache in my heart upon seeing the sight, which made me miss Mikey more. Justin’s hand was gently running through Mikey’s messy locks, offering a comforting touch to my ex.
“Um… hi, Brendon,” Justin said. It suddenly felt very awkward in the room.
“How are you, Justin?” I asked, a part of me genuinely concerned.
Justin simply shrugged and said, “I’m a lot better… Mikey, he really helped me through this.”
“I’m glad,” I said. I licked my lips and sighed. “Look, Justin… yesterday, Pete talked to me about what he did. By the way, I’m sorry for accusing you of lying about that. Anyway, he told me that he wanted to talk with you.” I handed Justin the two tickets that I had brought with me. “You’ll be in a public place, should you and Mikey decide to go. I’ll be there, so if he tries anything, I should be around to take care of it.”
Justin accepted the tickets with a small sigh. “Brendon, I don’t know if I-”
“I’m not saying that you have to go,” I said, cutting him off, “I’m not even saying that you have to keep the tickets. Frankly, Pete could go fuck himself, but I can understand why he wants to make things right.”
“…I’ll consider it,” Justin said as he continued to run a hand thorough Mikey’s hair.
I glanced back down at Mikey, who snuggled closer to Justin. He still looked every bit as adorable as I thought when he slept, which really made me miss him. I sighed and left him in Justin’s care, leaving with tears forming in my eyes.
Mikey looked miserable as I approached him. A part of me was telling me to abort mission, to not do what I was about to do. It kept reminding me that this could be a trigger for Mikey, that maybe he might go back to cutting. He might… he might decide to end it all.
Another part of me, though, said that, as long as I offer to still be a supportive friend, none of that would happen. It would be awkward, sure, but better than feeling guilty if I ever saw any scars on Mikey’s beautiful arms or got a call saying that he killed himself.
I told Frank that I wouldn’t break up with Mikey if it wasn’t a mutual feeling. I still couldn’t get over what happened yesterday morning, but I didn’t want to hurt Mikey, either. I still loved him, but I was just… I was so angry at him, even if it was a mistake.
That brought another thing to my attention- did Pete really rape Justin? From the way Pete reacted when I confronted him, I would’ve said yes… but if Mikey was really cheating… well…
“Brendon,” Mikey murmured in greeting. It sounded cold and distant, as though he really didn’t want to see me. I longed for the warmth that usually flooded in his voice when he greeted me, but I needed to stay strong.
“Mikey,” I sighed. I scratched the back of my head, noting that this was really awkward. “Mikey… I wanted to ask if you… if we should just not do this.”
“I don’t want to break up,” Mikey sighed, “I don’t want to end what really was special to me. I really love you, and I loved the way you treated me. You made me feel like I was worth it, that someone could love me.”
“Mikey-”
“But,” Mikey said, cutting me off, “you hurt me. Accusing me of cheating, that really hurt. I’d never do something like that, Brendon. Never. I made a mistake, and like you told me, we all make mistakes. You… you decide. I don’t even care anymore.”
Ouch. That one cut like a knife.
“Okay,” I said, “Mikes, I want to make this clear- I still care about you. I don’t want to throw the friendship we have away. I just… this isn’t working. I don’t know what to believe. Promise me one thing, though.”
“What?”
“Don’t hurt yourself,” I said, taking his hand, “Don’t hurt yourself because of me. If you really cheated on me, then this is for the best. If not… then I’m so sorry that I had to do this. It… it probably wouldn’t have lasted anyway.”
I moved to wipe away the tears that had started to fall down Mikey’s face, but he smacked my hand away. “Please, just… just don’t touch me,” he whimpered, “I need time to just… get over this.”
“I understand,” I said, “I really hope that we can still be friends, Mikey.”
Mikey didn’t answer. That prompted Gerard to pull him into his arms and kiss his forehead. “C’mon, let’s get you home.” Gerard led Mikey away, rubbing circles onto his back and murmuring soothing words. I wanted nothing more than to chase Mikey down and take him back, but I couldn’t do it.
“Are you gonna be okay, Bren?” Frank asked me, concern evident on his face. I nodded and sighed, “It’s probably better off this way.”
Frank sighed and pulled me into a hug. “I find that unlikely, Brendon. Look, I’m here if you want to talk.”
“Thanks, Frankie.”
…
I sat down next to Mikey in class the next day. His eyes were red and puffy, indicating that he had spent a great deal of the night crying. He didn’t bother to greet me, which broke my heart.
“Mikey,” I said, gently taping his shoulder, “Are you okay?”
Mikey shook his head.
“Uh… is… um… How’s Justin holding up?”
“He’s okay,” Mikey said softly.
I gave Mikey a concerned look. “Mikey, maybe you need to invest some time in yourself. I understand that Justin needs your help, but he doesn’t expect you to be there all the time.” I draped an arm over his shoulder and sighed. “You’re my friend, Mikey. I really care about you, even if we’re not going out anymore. I may not love you like I did, but I do still love you.”
“I know you’re trying, Brendon,” Mikey sighed, “But… I just really need you to stop. When I’m ready to go back to before that first kiss, I’ll let you know, but right now, I just want to be left alone. I just… I just want you to give me some space. Thank you for showing such concern, but I don’t need it from you right now.”
“Okay, Mikey,” I said softly, feeling absolutely crushed, “I’ll… I’ll leave you alone for a while.”
…
“Heard about you and Mikey. Tough break, man.”
“You’re the last person I want to see, Wentz,” I spat. Pete was either too high or too brave to notice the fact that I was still pissed at him and sat down beside me.
“Look, man, I know you’re mad at me, and I admit, it was a bit of a dick move-”
“You actually raped him?”
“-but I really want to make things right.” Pete had completely ignored my question and handed me an envelope. I opened it and found three tickets. “See, my new band got a gig at Andy’s uncle’s restaurant. One’s for you, one’s for your ex, and one’s for Justin. I know that he’ll probably not want to go, but please make it clear to him that I, uh, want to talk.”
“Why would I go?”
“Well, it’s free for you, there’s free food, and we sound pretty awesome. C’mon, give us a try!”
“…I can’t promise that Mikey and Justin will be there,” I said, “But… ah, what the hell, I’ll come.”
“Thanks, Bren. You’re gonna love it!”
…
Since Mikey didn’t show up at school the next day, I came by his place afterwards to give him (and probably Justin, since he was most likely there, too) his ticket. Gerard answered the door, looking relatively tired.
“Oh… hey, Brendon.”
“Is Mikey here?”
Gerard nodded, “Yeah. He’s sick, though, so I can’t promise that he’s awake.”
“Thanks, Gee.” I walked up the stairs and into Mikey’s room, where I found Justin taking care of him. Mikey was sleeping soundly, clutching the Mickey Mouse plushie that I bought him a while back. I felt a dull ache in my heart upon seeing the sight, which made me miss Mikey more. Justin’s hand was gently running through Mikey’s messy locks, offering a comforting touch to my ex.
“Um… hi, Brendon,” Justin said. It suddenly felt very awkward in the room.
“How are you, Justin?” I asked, a part of me genuinely concerned.
Justin simply shrugged and said, “I’m a lot better… Mikey, he really helped me through this.”
“I’m glad,” I said. I licked my lips and sighed. “Look, Justin… yesterday, Pete talked to me about what he did. By the way, I’m sorry for accusing you of lying about that. Anyway, he told me that he wanted to talk with you.” I handed Justin the two tickets that I had brought with me. “You’ll be in a public place, should you and Mikey decide to go. I’ll be there, so if he tries anything, I should be around to take care of it.”
Justin accepted the tickets with a small sigh. “Brendon, I don’t know if I-”
“I’m not saying that you have to go,” I said, cutting him off, “I’m not even saying that you have to keep the tickets. Frankly, Pete could go fuck himself, but I can understand why he wants to make things right.”
“…I’ll consider it,” Justin said as he continued to run a hand thorough Mikey’s hair.
I glanced back down at Mikey, who snuggled closer to Justin. He still looked every bit as adorable as I thought when he slept, which really made me miss him. I sighed and left him in Justin’s care, leaving with tears forming in my eyes.
@trini47
Not to sound rude or anything, but we've been incredibly busy lately and fan fiction takes a backseat to the real world. I'm not sure when it will be updated, but it will (eventually) be updated.
6/20/14