Loner

After about five cigarettes, Eric feels slightly calmer. At least he feels calm enough to reopen his internet tab on Gerard Way. He scrolls through the pictures for a while, pointedly ignoring the ones with the other men in them. He comes across something that makes him do a double take.

Gerard with short, bleached hair. Grinning happily, cheeks slightly pink, small teeth on perfect display, and – and Eric is so turned on, because there is this inexplicable fire or spark, or something in Gerard’s eyes. He looks this weird mixture of completely sweet and caring, and totally untamed and positively fuckable. Something in the way he holds himself just screams that he’d enjoy watching you beg for his mercy.

Maybe Eric just needs to get laid. No. Eric definitely needs to have this Gerard. This creature who just won’t leave his mind. The very same miracle who has Eric popping the button on his pants, easing the zipper down, snaking his hand into his underwear.

Eric grips himself, not even considering feeling ashamed, and strokes himself fast and frantically. When he comes, he quickly prints a copy of the picture of the platinum blonde Gerard Way. He removes his hand from his pants, wipes it clean on the picture – completely covering Gerard’s grinning face – and pins it up above his desk. The sight sends a shiver up his spine.

Getting up to go take a shower before he goes to work, he decides that he needs to make a call to Chantal. She and Lindsey are both artists, they might know him. Even if artists don’t all necessarily know each other, those two are total social butterflies. They know and love everybody. And everybody loves them.

Under the spray of the shower, Eric decides that he’s definitely cutting and bleaching his own hair.

----

Gerard is happily humming some of his favourite songs, mixing it up with some of Frank’s favourites. They’ve been together long enough for it to sometimes feel like basically the same thing. While he is doing so, he is putting some more efforts into the piece he is doing as a gift for Frank.

The black heart – representing his own – actually looks like it’s pumping blood now, with different tints and shades of white and grey. The bright blood – blue, red, purple, yellow, green, orange – bleeding out of the organ respectively, only to blend at places fluidly.

Frank should get all of Gerard’s secret hidden little messages from this seemingly strange piece, because it holds so much meaning for both of them.

Gerard allows one final purple stream of blood to flow into a pool of yellow blood, watching the colours merge and (quite appropriately) bleed into one another, before finally deeming his piece complete.

Just as he’s putting his brushes in some turps, there is a knock at the front door. He wipes his hand on the admittedly rather disgusting cloth saved especially for this purpose, and goes to open the door.

“BERT!” he exclaims excitedly, pulling the other male into a brief hug. “Sorry,” he grins, “I’m kinda a mess, but you know, I’m working, so…”

“Oh,” Bert tries not to sound too disappointed.

“No,” Gerard quickly protests, realising that Bert thinks he’s being dismissed, “No, dude, I’m so glad you’re here. I’m almost done with a piece I’m doing for Frank. When I’m done with that, I need some serious inspiration for another piece an existing client of mine wants to show off to some friends of hers, Chantal and Lindsey – not that that would mean much to you, I suppose.”

“Not really,” Bert admits, as they’re making their way back to Gerard’s little nest of creativity.

“Well,” Gerard continues, “basically they are working on a whole collab set. From what I’ve heard it’s going to be huge. So this client of mine is really close with Lindsey – seriously, I’m afraid to ask exactly how close – and would apparently like to arrange a little something, with moi in the mix, for some major event.”

“Wow! That’s pretty huge, right?” Bert grins.

“Yes,” Gerard beams back. “If all goes well, we’ll have some pretty good reason to celebrate. I can’t wait for Frankie to come home. I really wanna tell him.”

As if on queue, Gerard’s phone rings.

“Hey, baby. I was literally just telling Bert I wish you’d come home.”

He’s still beaming, as Bert hears Frank saying something on the other end. Bert can’t help it. He wishes that someone would look at him like Gerard is now, just talking to the man he loves over the phone. He wants someone to be that in love with him. He doesn’t understand how some couples can be so lucky and happy as these two men are, and his relationships never seem to work out like that. He wonders if he should maybe focus on guys for a while, leave women alone for a bit, but his thoughts don’t go much further than that, before Gerard is ending his conversation with Frank.

“Okay, baby. I’ll see you then. Okay. I love you too. Bye, baby.”

“You know,” Bert smirks, “if the clock strikes, and you’re still smiling like that, you’ll never get that expression off your face.”

“Whatever, fucker! The old people only said that when children look so ugly when they frowned. It’s not even true, anyway.”

“I don’t know, man. I wouldn’t risk it, if I were you. Would you really want to walk around like that, and have people think you’re a little crazy? They won’t know you look like that because you’re in love. They’d just think you’re gonna steal their puppies when they’re not looking, or something.”

“What exactly goes on in your head?” Gerard laughs, the sound coaxing a warm smile out of Bert.

“Anything that’s not serious. Why?”

“You’re something else, Bertie. Seriously.”

“That’s me,” Bert agrees. “Anyway, did Frank say he was coming?”

“He said about another hour. Until then, my dear, you are gonna be my muse,” Gerard grins.

“I can do that,” Bert smirks.

----

“You’re in luck, sweetie,” Lindsey grins at Eric. “We’re in the process of arranging possibly working on something together. I might be able to arrange for you to set up a meeting with him. You say you want a few pieces. What do you want exactly?”

“Well, you know that piece of yours I have in the living room? Yeah, I want three separate pieces to go with that, for in my dining room. But I want it to be his specifically, because I saw a few pieces he did which basically translates half of what I’m looking for already. I just want to add the final personal touches, you know?”

“Well if you know what you want, already, and it’s something that’s right up his alley…”

“Oh, babe. You know if it weren’t for the specifics, I’d ask my two favourite girls to do it.”

Lindsey raises a sceptical eyebrow at him, like she’s so onto his bullshit. It’s frightening how easy it is for him to deceive such a sweet friend of his. He should probably feel horrible about it, but he knows he’s not going to hurt her. He has a very soft spot for her in his heart. No. This is just about Gerard. He needs to do what it takes to get to Gerard. If it takes a little harmless deception of someone who is actually strong and intelligent enough to take perfectly good care of herself, then so be it.

“Besides,” he rolls his eyes, smirking at her, “I want you to come up with something for my living room that will totally get me super laid. Think you’re up to that task?”

“With a face like that?” Lindsey snorts. “I do art, Eric. Not miracles.”

“Fuck you,” Eric tickles her playfully.

“Nope,” Lindsey shoves him gently. “You’ll have to ask nicer than that.”

The weird thing is, that if Eric didn’t really, really prefer men – and if he weren’t currently so obsessed with getting one very specific man very, very naked – he’d really have taken a shot on this girl. She’d need to be broken, of course. She’s way too free. She’d need to know that he’s in control, and that she’d have to do exactly what he tells her to – and noting but.
Honestly, half the fun would be in forcing her into being what he wanted her to. The thing is, though, she’d never be a man – and she’d never be Gerard.

----

The wine is good. The music is good. The company is good.
Bert is a wonderful muse. Gerard’s head is swimming with possibilities for the piece he wants to do. They aren’t even discussing the piece at all. They’re only talking about how lame they used to be at dating in high school. They both laugh a lot – at themselves and each other.

“I can’t believe I was lucky enough to meet Frank,” Gerard says jokingly, but Bert feels the weight of the truth of those words settle heavily on his skin.

“I can still remember the first time I met you guys,” he blurts.

“Yeah, the day we moved in, right?” Gerard smiles.

Fuck. Bert hadn’t actually meant to say anything. He remembers seeing Frank first on that day. He was carrying a box. He was called by someone Bert hadn’t seen yet, so he looked over his shoulder at who was calling him. Bert followed his line of vision. He was pretty sure he saw a real live angel then. He can still feel the clench in his chest he felt when he learned that the two men were involved. Truth be told, Bert would’ve made a move on Gerard otherwise. He had a very bad experience with a first date with a guy for the first time a short while prior to that day, but he would’ve willingly given men another shot immediately if Gerard had been available. Instead he chased after a few chicks in bars with black hair, cute pixie noses and sparkling hazel eyes for a while, just to get it out of his system.

“At first I thought we’d totally geek you out,” Gerard continues, “but I’m really glad that you came into our lives.”

----

“Chantal,” Lindsey beams as Chantal picks her phone up, “bring bleach, babe. We get to play with Eric’s hair.”

----

"Honey, I'm home!"

Frank doubts he’ll ever get tired of saying that, and actually meaning it. It's an amazing feeling! He loves that he gets to be the one to come home to Gerard, and that he gets to be the one to love him every day.

"In heeeere, baby!" Bert sing-songs.

Frank can't help the little snort or smirk he releases at the reaction he gets. Bert is probably one of the weirdest motherfuckers around, but he is their motherfucker! Also, trust the sneaky little dude to come bother Gerard while he’s working the second Frank turns his back. He really can’t be mad, though. They kind of adopted Bert shortly after moving into the building, after all.

"Ooooh, I get some Bertie-lovin'? Great! Come kiss me before Gee notices," he jokes back, receiving a rather girly giggle from Gerard in response. Barely a second later, he’s enveloped in one very enthusiastic Bert. He half-staggers under the force of Bert jumping on him, wrapping his arms and legs around him – like some Bert-monkey.

"I'm sorry, Bert, but you cannot come over to play anymore," Gerard says in as serious a tone of voice he can manage, walking in from the other room to find Bert practically smothering Frank.

"Why not?" Both men demand, almost outraged, and yet whiny, at the same time.

"Because pretty soon you will like him better, and I can't have that," he explains with a straight face. "Don't even try to deny that Bert gives the best hugs." he grins broadly at his two favourite people.

"Don't worry, Bertie," Frank coos in a stage whisper, "If Gee doesn't allow you to come over to play, we'll just have to make other arrangements behind his back."

After a quick peck hello, the monkey releases Frank from his playful grip, allowing him to give his favourite boyfriend in the whole world a proper greeting.

"I'm not sure Bert will have the time, considering I already have him booked for myself." Gerard teases with a wink in Bert's direction.

He chuckles, willingly playing along. "Yeah, sorry, Frank. Gee was first."

"But, Bert," Frank says in his best faux-hurt voice, his expression matching, "I thought you were my friend, man? And now you're here, stealing my man?"

Gerard is not completely sure when this situation turned on Bert, but now both Frank and himself are staring at him and waiting for an answer.

"Woah, guys," Bert says, holding his hands up in mock defence. "I'm not coming between you. You guys can't make me choose, okay?"

And, just like that, Bert is suddenly the prize being fought over. That could be fun too.

"Oh, yeah?" Frank smirks at him, stroking the side of his face lovingly. "What if I promise to make being mine worth your while, baby?"

Oh no, Gerard is not letting Frank win. He reaches for Bert's hand, and pulls him away from his boyfriend. He catches Frank's eyes, and sees a playful glint in them. Poor Bert. He is the unfortunate victim of their little game.

"I have much more to offer." He whispers seductively in his ear.

Frank allows a smirk to form on his lips. This could get very interesting. He slowly worms his way into Bert's personal space, and immediately begins to nibble ever so lightly on his neck – definitely not missing the small hitch in his breathing.

Gerard hears Bert's breath hitch when Frank assaults his neck. He's good. Gerard knows from personal experience how skilled Frank is in seduction.

"Bertie," Gerard makes sure to let his hot breath play against Bert’s ear. His left hand slowly moves down until it is able to tuck into the back pocket of his jeans.

Poor Bert. He really has no idea what he's getting himself into with the two of them. A part of Frank wants to just give in and laugh this all off, but this is really fun.

"Mmmm," he moans into his neck, "Bertie, I could just eat you up."

Gerard feels Bert shiver against him at Frank's continuous onslaught. He nips at his earlobe, then sucks it into my mouth.

"Fuuuuck, guys," Bert moans. "No fair."

Frank nips a little harder, feeling Bert shiver at the action. He gently lets his tongue roam over the bite marks.

"Gee," he moans, removing his mouth half reluctantly from Bert's neck. "Let go of my Bertie."

Gerard nips his way down to Bert's jaw and pulls away, grabbing the front of Frank's t-shirt.

"Make me, Frankie."

And there's a challenge in his eyes.

"Guys," Bert breathes, "please."

Frank recognises the challenge in his beautiful boyfriend's eyes. He firmly holds eye contact with him, not backing down, as he questions Bert

"Please what, Bertie?"

Bert clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'm... You're kind of...uhm."

Gerard licks his lips, still watching Frank, because, honestly, even he is turned on as fuck by now. The man just has that effect on him. He finds it a little alarming that he can't even withstand Frank’s charms, even when they're aimed at another person.

"Gee?" Frank asks, quirking an eyebrow at his man. "Shall we share? Or are you gonna give up, baby?"

He ignores Bert's half-protest, because he already knows that he must be completely on board. He’s pretty sure seducing these two beautiful men might be one of the best ideas ever.

Gerard notices that Frank is changing the game. He can tell by his whole demeanour. Any other time Gerard would be game, but right now he doesn't feel like sharing. He pulls back and laughs heartily.

"Bert, you should see your face."

(And the award for the filthiest tease goes to…)

Frank is surprised Gerard gave in so quickly. Knowing him, that probably means he wants to be all greedy right now. Typical. Poor Bert, though. He looks pretty shaken.

"Oh, hush, Gee," Frank coos. "Don't be mean to my Bertie."

Gerard looks at Bert apologetically. His playful, childish side kicks in. "Frank started it."

"Ignore him, Bertie," Frank coos. "He doesn't understand this special thing we have." He places a gentle kiss to Bert's lips.

Gerard is at a loss for words. If this is how Frank wants it, then no words are needed. He gently removes Frank from Bert. Without even looking at the former, Gerard pushes Bert backwards, until his back is up against the wall. He wins. He probably crosses the line by leaning forward and kissing Bert.

Frank is a little shocked at the scene before him. He is not really used to Gerard showing so much dominance very often, but fuck if he doesn't enjoy it. It's a serious turn on.
Gerard has Bert practically at his mercy, and their kiss is so deep and intense. Frank’s not even all that jealous. It's really hot to witness.

Gerard is not quite sure what's going on, or why he had reacted the way he did. He doesn't know why they are even doing this, but he’s not stopping. Bert should simply enjoy the feeling of Gerard’s tongue exploring his mouth. It's good, but it's not Frank.

"Gee," Bert exhales, pushing Gerard slightly back. It's halfway between a hitch in breathing and a throaty moan.
"Gee, this," he trails off, licking his lips, "I'm not sure this is a good idea."

Suddenly, Frank feels kind of bad. Bert must be very aware of the fact that he's not actually with either of them, and Frank doesn't miss the way he must feel about Gee.

Frank and Gerard both know he knows that they love him dearly, but they need to get him what they have.

Gerard takes a step back and breathes in deeply. Admittedly, what started out as a game, had maybe gotten slightly out of hand.

"I'm sorry, Bert."

Bert gently strokes Gerard's cheek.

"Don't, Gee," he smiles.

He places a final quick peck to Gerard's cheek. "So, we're going out, right?"

"I have to get ready. I'm full of paint."

The truth is that Gerard just needs to recollect himself. He’s all hot and bothered.

"You can go shower, baby," Frank smiles sweetly at his man. "Bertie and I will wait."

He actually just plans on having a little heart to heart with their best friend.

Gerard wants to question Frank’s eager agreement, but decides against it. He pretty much trusts Frank, and knows that if Frank wants to speak to Bert alone, there would be a very good reason for that. They never keep secrets from each other, anyway.

"I'll be quick," he says simply, heading straight for the bathroom.

“You know he loves you too, right?” Frank questions the second Gerard is out of the room.

Bert looks slightly dumbstruck, caught totally off-guard.

“What?”

“Have I ever told you about my boyfriend, Zacky?”

“Uhm,” Bert replies, racking his brain, trying to place ‘Zacky’, “I think so…?”

“Honestly,” Frank says simply, “he was the love of my life. He was the first guy I ever dated, after deciding I preferred men. He was the sweetest, most beautiful guy I had ever laid my eyes on, and we were so happy together. He was a lot different than Gerard, though.”

Bert nods, not really knowing how to respond, not even completely sure where Frank is going with this.

“I’m still completely in love with him,” Frank admits, eyes shining a little. “I’m so lucky to have someone like Gee, who understands, and even encourages me to talk about him,” he quickly amends, noticing Bert’s slight frown. “I really miss him. All the time.”

“What happened?” Bert deems it safe enough to ask, still not completely sure how relevant this whole tale is.

“He had cancer,” Frank whispers, some lone tears finally spilling from his eyes. “He stopped his treatment at one point, broke up with me, and disappeared,” he continues.

Bert’s heart clenches. He touches Frank’s shoulder comfortingly, encouraging him to continue.

“So,” Frank continues, “Naturally, I was extremely worried. I kept trying to get in contact with him, though.”

“What happened?” Bert asks again, feeling the weight of the conversation settle beneath his skin.

“His sister called me, not long after that, telling me he had shot himself.”

Bert has no idea how to comfort Frank. He doesn’t even really know what someone’s supposed to say to someone in a situation like this. He maybe understands the relevance of the story a bit better now.

“I’m really sorry, Frankie,” he whispers, pulling Frank into a tight hug. “It’s not the same, though.”

“No,” Frank removes himself gently from Bert’s embrace after a while. He wipes the tears from his face, smiling sweetly at his friend. “Maybe not exactly the same, Bert, but it’s there. He does love you. It doesn’t stop being true, just because the circumstances are a little different.”

“But,” Bert wants to protest, because this is kind of preposterous. Frank is sitting here, trying to compare his past relationship with his deceased boyfriend to the feelings Bert has for his current boyfriend.

“Bert,” Frank cuts him off, gently but firmly, “he’s not going to stop loving you because he’s my boyfriend. You know Gee always shares as much of his love as possible.”

“This is ridiculous,” Bert finally manages to protest, alarmed that Frank could be so calm with this.

“It’s not, though,” Frank smiles. “Look. I know he loves you, okay? On most days I even believe he’s a little in love with you. But, at the end of the day, he’s mine. He’s mine, and I am his.”

“I know that,” Bert responds, trying to conceal his hurt. He really does know this. “When I met you guys, I might have considered fantasising about standing a chance with him,” he admits, feeling surprisingly brave. “When I got to know you both better, though, I realised that you just belong together. Ever since, I’ve wanted what the two of you have for myself.”

“Thank you, Bertie,” Frank smiles, pecking Bert quickly on the cheek. “We both love you so much, and we both really want you to experience what we have too. We need to believe that it’s out there, okay? And we’ll never leave you. You’ll always be our Bertie, no matter what.”

“Thanks, Frankie,” Bert grins. “I love you too.”

Neither of them need to add that they’ve kind of fallen for each other along the line, in some strange way. They both know it, and it’s there in their eyes. In some way, it’s probably better that they don’t say it, anyway, because it won’t change things. It just doesn’t stop being true.

----

Gerard closes their bedroom door, pulling out his phone. He sneakily dials Eric’s number, a brilliant idea in mind.

“Hello?” a young male answers.

“Eric? It’s Gerard,” Gerard replies a little nervously. When he took Eric’s number he didn’t expect to be calling him at all, let alone this soon.

“Oh, hey, Gerard,” Eric giggles. Gerard tries not to let that make him even more nervous, especially with what he’s about to ask.

“I hope I’m not calling at a bad time?”

“No. Not at all,” Eric assures him.

“Good. Well, a few of us are going out tonight, and there is this friend I want to introduce you to. That’s not totally weird, is it?” Gerard asks, giggling nervously.

“That sounds like fun, actually,” Eric replies reassuringly, and Gerard can’t help but feel a little relieved (and hopeful that Eric and Bert would hit it off).

“Okay, great,” Gerard beams, quickly rattling off where Eric should meet them, and that it should look like a casual encounter, because he didn’t inform anyone of his little plan – to which Eric agrees easily, of course.

They hang up, and Gerard has a hopeful little smile on his face as he quickly washes himself under the nice warm spray of water in the shower.

----

“Guess what, girls,” Eric smirks as he hangs up with Gerard. “I get to take this new look out for a test drive sooner than we anticipated.”

He definitely needs to come up with a perfect thank you gift for Lindsey and Chantal for cutting and bleaching his hair, and for all the other favours they so generously do for him. He’ll think about that later, though. Right now he has yet another angle to get closer to Gerard. Whoever this “friend” of Gerard is, Eric is infinitely thankful for the poor fucker.

Notes