We're All Full Of Lies

I found myself to be smiling like an idiot as I watch Gerard and Mikey embrace. It wasn’t a long hug, nor was there any words transpired between the two. But there was something about it. Perhaps it’s just simply two brothers hugging. However something was nagging at the back of my brain as I watched, there was a moment, shared by the two brothers. A emotion, a feeling, a need, a madness, shared by the two that none could ever possible comprehend. That no one could ever stop, or impose on. Not Frank, not I, no one. It was surreal but in the best of ways, knowing that no matter what was to happen, how good or how bad, on an almost instinctual level the two would forever be connected, it’s almost poetic if one were to think about it for long enough.

My thoughts were disrupted as nurses and a rather burly man whom I assumed to be Mikey’s doctor began to stream through the door, crowding the already small space.
“Do you need us to leave?” Frank asked, obviously uncomfortable with the amount of people in the room.
“If you don’t mind”, One of the nurses’ said whilst smiling sweetly and pulling the curtain around the bed, blocking Mikey from our view.
“Wait, do I have to leave?”, Gerard questioned, “I only just got here!”.
“Shut up Gee, come on let’s get some coffee, we can visit Mikey once they’re done with whatever it is they’re doing” Frank giggled taking lacing his fingers with Gerard’s.

I followed the pair silently out of the room and we made our way down the white hallways. I always wondered how people worked in hospitals. The noxious fumes of bleach and other cleaning materials, the constant droning buzz of and occasional flicker of the lights, and not to mention being surrounded by poor souls whom are in state of suffering for whatever health related issue that caused them to be here in the first place. It kind of depressed me a little. I always felt unwelcome in hospitals, but at the same time I felt like I needed to stay and not leave until everyone who was here was okay, and feeling better to a point they could leave and get on with their lives. I knew, however, that this was a most unrealistic expectation and odd way of thinking, but my brain worked in strange ways when I stepped onto the white linoleum flooring of a hospital hallway.

Frank and Gerard must have found my silence and very noticeably solemn look somewhat disconcerting, trying to deduce what would be the right thing to say and why I was in the state I was in the first place. After all moments ago I had a smiled nearly etched permanently on my face.

Gerard and I slid into the seats at a small table that was like everything else, white and smelled of disinfectant. He sat across from me and instructed Frank to get three coffees, all with sugar and a dash of milk. Frank simply smiled and complied, but not without giving him a small peck on the lips first.

The tension and awkwardness rose as we both sat staring at each other. Gerard wanted to say something, he kept opening and closing his mouth as though he’d get a bolt of confidence but then it would dissipate leaving him questioning whether he really did want to say anything at all.

“It’s okay Gerard, after all we’ve been through social boundaries have been pretty much obliterated, whatever you need to say you can just say it”, I spoke nonchalantly never breaking eye contact.

He seemed to loosen up a little with my words, his shoulders fell back a bit and he let out a deep breath, “Sorry, it’s just, you seemed to so happy before and I couldn’t help but notice how quickly that changed when you left Mikey’s room and uh- you and Mikey, the whole-uhm-thing?”, He spoke the last bit as more of a question rather than statement, but to be fair he did walk in on us nearly kissing and we’d only known each other just over a week.

I had to think a little before I spoke, but I could tell he wanted this conversation to be quick, and by quick I mean before Frank returned with our coffee. “Well, I supposed hospitals aren’t exactly the most happy of places to be, it’s easy to put on a brave face and smile when you’re walking down the corridors holding the hand of the person you love more than anything, but when you’re alone with your thoughts and walking things are kinda put into perspective I suppose, the true depression of hospitals becomes apparent, in a very real scary way”. I watched Gerard’s face as he pondered over my words but also noticed Frank in my peripheral vision thanking the lady who handed him three Styrofoam cups, signalling I needed to wrap up this conversation relatively quickly. “As for the whole Mikey and I thing, well I don’t really have an answer because I’m not even sure what the situation is, it’s just kind of happening and neither of us are objecting so, uh, yeah”.

“You do like him though? You’re not just going along with it and playing with his emotions for the sake of it, my brother means the world to me Mira and I don’t want a single tear to be shed by him because of you” Gerard spoke a little forcefully, but I expected nothing less, it was his brother after all, his baby brother. He had a protective duty to fulfill.

“Gerard, I just spent the last two days sitting by his bedside, you think that if I didn’t truly care for him I would do that?,” I paused for a second before continuing, “I understand how much he means to you, but I can assure you he means a great deal to me too”.

Gerard was about to reply but stopped as three cups almost dropped into the table spilling their contents. Frank mumbled a small sorry as he slid one across to me then Gerard and took a seat, carefully sipping away at his drink.

“So, what where you guys talking about?” Frank smiled jovially, blissfully unaware.
Gerard looked stumped for a moment, trying to think of some type of lie that the pair of us could both go along with. Quick thinking was obviously not his forte.

“Just talking about how good it is that Mikey’s awake and what we’ll do once he can come home” I smiled feeding off Frank’s happiness, “We thought maybe a horror movie marathon, considering the last ‘movie night’ we had got interrupted”.

Gerard didn’t say much after that, but Frank made up for his silence, chatting away about nothing in particular to whoever would reciprocate conversation, which most of the time was me. I suppose you had to congratulate Frank on his happiness, or perhaps it was more of an ‘ignorance is bliss’ situation, either way he gained the occasional smile from both Gerard and I and considering the conversation that had just transpired and the tension that somehow managed to make itself known, that in itself was quite the feat.

Notes

hey there! bit of a filler chapter but I got a little bit of solitude from family members so I thought I'd do a quick update! this chapter has a bit of a personal touch, hence the increased internal monologue and deepened look at Mira's thoughts and perceptions.
thank you so much for reading and feel free to comment what you think!
also, Happy Easter to all!
sorry for any errors! x