Learn To Fly

~~Panda~~

Its been 3 weeks since we moved in and the guys dropped it on me that I have to finish school, cause I'm the only one who's not a drop out. I'm a senior now and I will be starting the new school year at a new high school on the other side of Daytona from the orphanage. So yeah that's gonna suck hardcore dick. What sucks even worse is that I start school tomorrow.

In other news something's goin on between Frank and Mattie. I don't know what it is but I think they hate each other. I don't know why though cause they were really close on that first day. Now they won't speak to each other, look at each other, or even acknowledge one another's presence. Fucked up right? Also something's up with Frank, he won't eat unless the guys practically cram it down his throat, and he hardly leaves his room. I don't think he has slept cause he has dark black circles under his eyes. I wonder what's up with him.

Anyway I feel really guilty about sleeping with Gee and Frank so I haven't talked to them much. I've pretty much just hung out with Finn, Mikey, and Ray for three weeks. I tried to hang with Mattie but she stays to herself now. I can tell Gerard knows something's up with me not talking to him. He always tries to make an effort to talk to me, but I can't talk to him without remembering that night. It's kind of a bitch move, I know.

Well right now I just woke up and it's like 6:00 in the morning. I looked out of the huge window in my room and saw the sun just barely peeking up over the horizon. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and walk to my bathroom. Shower time!

~~Frank~~

Fucking he'll what time is it? I look at the clock and see that it's 7:00 in the morning. Ew, mornings. I don't wanna get up, there's no point. Life sucks, Mattie hates me, and once again, I'm not hungry. The small beams of sun light hit my eyes and I hissed in pain. Too bright. I quickly hopped up and shut the flowing black curtains that hung loosely in front of my window. Ahh better. My room was dark once again, and it felt safe.

I groaned loudly at the continuous feeling of pain and regret in my chest. It a pain like no other, knowing you betrayed the one you love. I just want to feel numb, I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I just wanna be sedated. Then a bad idea flashed in my mind. The habit. So good but so bad. I have to do it. Just a few. No more than 5. I quickly sprinted into my bathroom and flung open the cabinet, grabbing the little orange bottle and popping the white lid. I shook out about 4-5 small pills onto my hand. Ahhhh Xanax.

I walked back into my room and grabbed the bottle of vodka off of my dresser. I took a swig and popped the pills into my mouth, throwing my head back and swallowing them down. Within minutes my head was spinning and everything felt fuzzy. I could feel everything but nothing all at the same time. It was surreal, calming peaceful. Why was I even upset before? I don't know. It doesn't matter now.

Notes

Merh.