To the End

Mikey and Gerard had thanked Frank, though Frank didn’t feel like he deserved to be thanked when this was all his doing. Gerard was slightly better and could walk mostly on his own. Frank’s mom got home a few hours after school ended and made herself a microwave meal before going to sleep, without as much as a single word to Frank. He understood though, his mom was usually working from 3 a.m. to 8 p.m. so she was practically always exhausted at home. Even if it meant less time with his mom, her job still paid well and he was grateful to be able to buy whatever band merchandise he pleased.
Frank lay on his bed, the image of poor Gerard’s bloody face and bruised up sides still fresh in his mind. He wondered about Gerard and what was happening in his life right now. There was something about Gerard that seemed so alluring to him, something that made it so he could never push thoughts about Gerard from his mind.
You’re crazy, Frank. This guy has a girlfriend that he’s crazy about and you can’t be happy for him. The only thing that actually seems right in this poor boy’s life and it fucking upsets you. You’re so selfish. He told himself again and again, but no matter how much he mentally kicked himself, he still couldn’t force himself to be happy about it. Something is wrong with you Frank. Frank knew what was wrong, but he couldn’t accept it. He knew his mom was insanely anti-gay and would probably send him off to one of those places where they brainwash you into believing loving who you were meant to be with is a sin. What the fuck do you mean “love”? You fucking just met this guy, plus he might turn out to be a total shit hole so just stop thinking like this. You aren’t gay. Just drop this. Frank tried as hard as he could but he just couldn’t get Gerard out of his mind. He left his house and started aimlessly walking around the town. He had his head tilted back so he could take in the beauty of the starry night sky. He was actually beginning to clear his mind, making his heart feel lighter.
He eventually found himself in the park, and began to walk along the paved pathway, his footsteps making a slight clicking sound every time his heels touched the ground. He heard a quiet sobbing in the distance, though he didn’t think much of it. He continued to look up at the stars, daydreaming about what life was like after this. Was there really a heaven like he had been taught? Or was death just the end? He might not fear death, it’s impossible for someone who thinks about death that much to fear it, but he sure as hell had a lot of questions about it. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of a river in the distance, as well as the crying he had heard earlier. He pushed himself forward, knowing what he was going to find wasn’t going to be something good. He opened his eyes and his pace quickened as he rushed towards the sobs.
“Hello?” He called out and the sobs stopped. The only sound he could hear was the light chirping of the crickets and the river flowing. He looked around for a minute before seeing a figure in the distance. He ran as fast as his legs could possibly go and ran up the bridge, slowing to a stop just a foot or two from the person. They were standing on the edge of the bridge, looking down at the babbling river below them. “E-excuse me..?” Frank said, just loud enough for the stranger to hear them.
The head slowly turned and looked down at him, tears streaming the figure’s face. Frank squinted, trying to make out the face and as soon as he did, he took a small step back.
“G-Gerard… Get down from there…” Frank choked out.
“…With pleasure…” Gerard said, picking up one of his feet and holding it out over the edge.
“For fuck’s sake Gerard, you know that’s not what I meant! If you fucking jump I swear to god…” Frank yelled, not meaning to sound angry, but he couldn’t help it. “Just… Come over here and tell me what’s wrong… Please Gerard, think about what you’re doing… Think about Mikey, do you know how much he would miss you? You realize he’d blame this on himself, he’d blame himself for not being there to stop you… You do care about him… don’t you?” Frank said, his voice cracking as he tried to hold back tears. Gerard looked away from him and stood there for a moment, not moving and not making even the slightest sound.
He then slowly sat down on the ledge and turned around, kicking himself off the wall and landing in front of Frank. His eyes were red and puffy, one of them was a black eye from the fight, and he just looked awful. He hugged Frank tightly and started to cry softly.
“She left me…” Gerard said as he buried his head in Frank’s shoulder.
“Who..?” Frank asked, though he knew, of course.
“Lyn-Z… She said she just didn’t feel like she loved me the way she had before. What did I do wrong, Frank?” Frank could feel Gerard’s hands tense even more “What the fuck did I do wrong?!” Gerard screamed.
“Gerard… Just calm down, it’ll all be fine…”
“I loved her, Frank! I still do love her! I can’t even see my life without her because my life was her! Don’t you see, Frank?! I was meant to die. I was meant to leave this life behind so she could move on and be happy. It all makes sense…”Gerard sounded crazy, and frankly he was starting to scare Frank slightly. Franked looked over at Gerard’s sleeves to see not only the wrist caked in dried blood, but new blood was still dripping down his wrist.
“Gerard, just… Please listen to me and, I know we just me but, trust me, okay?” Frank said calmly “It will be okay, it will always be okay. I’m always going to be here for you and so is Mikey, promise me you’ll remember that…” Frank told him as he moved his hands and took Gerard’s gently.
“I p-promise…” Gerard sniffled, giving Frank a small smile that made Frank’s entire face light up.
Frank, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you are falling in love with this boy.

Notes