Frankie's Suicide (Frerard)

Gerard leads me into a well lit room with a circle of chairs and a white board. All the chairs are occupied except for two, side-by-side. Theres about 10 other people in here, all which seem to be relatively young. A tall, thin blonde woman stands by the white board. Her lanyard reads JESS. As Gerard and I make our way to the two chairs, Jess introduces herself to me and I smile back politely. Most of the time its so draining for me to talk and be polite to strangers but I manage a smile to Jess because I hate coming off as rude.
"Frank, I am told this is your first time here?"
I nod
"Well Frank , this is CBT for adolescents. In here, adolescents are teens to 25 year olds. So, why dont you tell us a bit about yourself and then we'll go around the room with introduction"
Is this fucking primary school? I hate public speaking, even if it is only 11 people. My heart starts beating fast which, logically, I know is totally absurd but I can't help the anxiety.
"I, ah.. I'm, My name is Frank Iero. I'm 18. And, ah, yeah.." I trail off
"And why are you here Frank?" Jess prods
"I, um, don't really want to talk about it"
"That's fine for now Frank, but you won't get better unless you're honest with yourself. Opening up with this group is what'll help. There is no judgment in this room. Gerard, how about you?"
"Hi, I'm Gerard and I'm here to get better"
Get better from what?
He looked my way and I just nodded.
It went around the room. I wasn't listening to everyone, but the others actually said what they were diagnosed with, Jaime has borderline personality disorder, anorexia and bulimia. Ray has bipolar, and oh my god does Bob have a lot of problems. I think the main ones were PTSD, major depressive disorder, severe generalized anxiety and pyromania.
In group, we learn a thing called cognitive behavioral therapy or something. It's supposed to give us ways to 'control our emotions' and shit like that. Its not for me yet I have to sit through three hours of it, every weekday. Awesome.
Lunch is straight after group and I'm invited to sit with Gerard and his gang again.
I feel like Gerards always looking at me. I'm probably just paranoid but a lot of the time I glance at him and he's already staring at me. Not that i'm complaining or anything. I'm just not sure what to do. I wonder what he thinks of me. He probably think I'm some dumb kid. Maybe he regrets ever talking to me.
I'm sat across from him, just like at breakfast. Jamie and Ray are debating something trivial while Bob stares at his food.
"Why don't I show you around Frankie?" Gerards voice startles me. He hasn't spoken in a while and I was listening to Jaime and Rays escalating argument.
"Sure" Alone? With Gerard? Hell yeah.
Just like at breakfast, he take our trays and dumps them where he shouldn't.
"Right this way, good sir" he says mockingly
I follow him outside to the courtyard.
"Well, this is where I spend most of my time" he says, admiring his surroundings. "I like to sketch and I find that it's more peaceful out here"
I watch his mouth as he speaks. I wonder what it would feel like to press my lips against his. I could mould my mouth to his and trace my tongue over his bottom lip. I could press my body up against his, feel his warmth. I could hold his face to mine, tangle my fingers in his soft hair. Breathe him in. Make him moan. I could-
"Frank?"
"What?" Shit. I wasn't listening to what he was saying.
"Do you want to?" Make out with you? Yes please
"Do I want to what?"
"Do you want to see my room?"
"Yeah, okay" Nice save, Frank. Idiot.
Fantasizing about making out with a dude doesn't mean I'm gay. I bet every guy does it. I like girls and boobs and stuff. I wouldn't actually do anything with Gerard. Yeah. I'm straight. A normal, straight teen in a psychiatric hospital.

"So this is my room" Gerards says, motioning for me to enter first.
Its further down the hall, far away from the nurses station and his door doesnt have a window on it. He's got sketches all over his walls. His beds a mess and theres dirty clothes on the floor. I like it.
"Nice" is all I say. I'm such a loser. Nice? Really Frank?
"Thanks" he reply's with a chuckle, shoving piles of clothes to the side.
"How long have you been here?"
"About 3 weeks but this isnt my first admission" He explains as I wonder over to the back wall where most of the drawings are. They're really intricate. Mostly of body parts and people. There's one sketch of a set of eyes that is just ridiculously amazing. It look like a person staring at me from a piece of paper. I'm so mesmerized by the picture I dont realize how close Gerard is until he says "You like it?"
I turn to face him and realize hes about 2 feet from me.
"Gerard, this drawing...all of your drawings..." He slowly inches closer to me "Theyre just so beautiful..." I trail off because I can see the specks of brown in his eyes now. His eyes are beautiful. He is beautiful. My heart is pounding in my chest and my hands are shaking. I hope he can't tell.
He keeps getting closer and closer. It feels like I've been in his room for hours.
"You know what I think?" he whispers, pushing my hair behind my ear. The touch feels like shock waves through my body. I never had this feeling with any of my ex's.
"What?" my shaky voice manages to whisper.
He leans in closer and tilts my chin up towards him, never breaking eye contact.
"I think you're beautiful"
My eyes flutter closed, waiting for the contact of his lips.
"Gerard!!!" The doors swings open. Gerard quickly backs away from me. I didnt realize I was holding my breath until this moment. My heart still pounding, I grasp at my chest, panting.
"Mikey's here!" Jamie announces excitedly, from the doorway, seemingly unaware of what she's done.
Gerard looks at me with an awkward smile "Want to meet my brother?"
I really need to lie down.
"Um, I think I'm just gonna hang out in my room"
Gerards expression immediately changes. He looks so concerned. Oh, I dont want him to worry. No, let it go Frank. I need to think things over.
Gerard is still looking at me and I just shuffle past the two quietly and head to my room. I hear Jaime say "What happened?" Before I close my door and flop onto my bed.

Notes

A bit of a teaser.
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